For those that missed the Emmys, here is the first part of the opening number, where host Conan O’Brien gets detoured on his way to the show.

“Kiss the pilot. It’s good luck, seriously.”

This photo (a “National Enquirer” cover), of course, could be nothing. I’ve kissed men after several drinks, but to the best of my knowledge, no one has accused me of being gay since I was in high school, and that was only because I listened to Duran Duran instead of AC/DC.

Maybe Travolta listens to Duran Duran, too.

Nike is apparently on verge of signing its largest-ever celebrity endorsement deal with none other than America’s Sweetheart, Jennifer Aniston. This announcement comes on the heels of news that Nike is also working with America’s Most Beloved Misogynist, Eminem, to design a series of limited-edition sneakers for charity. Presumably, Ms. Aniston and Mr. Shady will not be appearing in the same ads together.

Both endorsement deals seem to reflect an effort on Nike’s part to de-emphasize performance-focused messages (for while both Aniston and Mathers are fit, neither is known for his or her athletic prowess) in their advertising in favor of a more lifestyle and fashion-focused message.

It’s not entirely clear how these moves will mesh with the company’s age-old “Just Do It” tagline…but I’ll certainly check out whatever Aniston happens to be modeling once the ads hit the marketplace, and the strategy does seem a slightly smarter bet than the “Scarlett (hearts) Rbk” efforts over at Reebok.

“Love Comes to the Executioner”
Darkly comical and featuring an interesting concept about a recent college graduate who takes up a job as The Closer at the local penitentiary where his older brother is on death row, the film still fails on multiple levels. The acting is horrible (with the lead actor doing his best Chris Klein impression) and the ending is a little too convenient.

“The Zodiac”
The epilogue to this direct-to-DVD feature about the infamous Zodiac Killer states that the killer’s last correspondence with police (in 1978) mentioned his desire to see a good movie made about him. Unfortunately, this isn’t it. Perhaps the big-budget version due out in early 2007 will fare better. Then again, it’s not like this story hasn’t been done before.

“The Plague”
Wanna prevent yourself from accidentally renting this movie the next time you’re browsing the “new releases” section at the video store? No problem. Just follow my foolproof plan to success. Step one: Find “The Plague” on DVD. Step two: Look at DVD and continue walking. Step three: Pick up “Village of the Damned” on DVD. Step four: Go to the checkout counter, pay for movie, go home and enjoy said DVD. Congratulations, you’ve just saved 90 minutes of your life.

“Bottom’s Up”
While it’s nice to see Jason Mewes working again, it’s a shame that he has to do so opposite Paris Hilton. The media queen is a horrible actress, and though she provides some nice eye candy every now and then, she just doesn’t cut it as a brunette.

Sorry, Zach Braff. Better luck next time, Dane Cook. Thanks for playing, Jared Leto.

The new man in Jessica Simpson’s life appears to be none other than dorky singer-songwriter John Mayer…whose overall appeal (at least on the shiny surface beyond which we hadn’t thought Jessica capable of seeing) stacks up decidedly lower than that of her hunky, musclebound ex-husband Nick Lachey. Who woulda thunk it?

Oh well. At least Mayer was never in a boy band…

…forgive us our trespasses, and deliver us from evil rumors like this one.

Estranged grandfather Jon Voight sent a shout-out to Brangelina’s multicultural brood from the red carpet at the UK’s BAFTA Awards last weekend, but demonstrated a slight breach of etiquette when he failed to remember adopted Ethiopian granddaughter Zahara’s name — apparently confusing her with a 29-year-old Latina pop goddess whose hips don’t lie:

Voight: Maddox just had a birthday. Happy birthday, Maddox! 5 years old–it’s a big one! You’re getting to be a young man, and I send my love to you. And send my love to…uh…Shakira…and…Shahira… [To reporter] Is it Shakira or Shahira?
Reporter: Zahara.
Voight: Shahara! Shahara!

Voight also completely neglected to mention biological grandchild Shiloh, but went on to provide fond wishes to his additional imaginary grandchildren Selena, Sudoku and Madonna.

For the past twelve weeks, Denis Leary and Co. have managed to deliver award-worthy material packed with risqué storylines and grade-A humor, but while the season finale should have been a grand slam no-brainer, they’ve managed to flush all of their hard work down the toilet with a half-assed cliffhanger ending. First off, where’s the suspense in putting Tommy in the middle of a domestic fire when we all know that they’re not going to kill of the main character? True, it was amusing to see Sheila go nuts (again) and drug him (again), but when she accidentally started a fire by breaking an oil lamp, I just knew that it would end with the old “will he/won’t he” conclusion. Unfortunately, we already know that he won’t, so there’s little to wonder there.

Everyone else, however, didn’t seem to get the same kind of respect. Franco bombed the Lieutenants exam and made himself look like a complete idiot in front of his daughter; Lou has proven himself unable to work/live on the sea; and Probie’s bicurious phase seems to have faded – of course, not until after he participated in a brother/sister threesome. And what about the Chief and Garrity? Well, Sean’s got a new life with Maggie, and Jerry appears to be unofficially retired from the firefighting business, so we can probably call both of their storylines wrapped up, while the other three guys will no doubt return to Ladder 62. And after blowing off Sheila by not signing his retirement papers, Tommy will be back as well, but the real question is: what about her?

The show has proven time and again how casual they are with killing off recurring characters, but seriously, Sheila? Who’s gonna continue fighting for Tommy when he gets back together with Janet at the beginning of season four. Personally, I could care less, because while the show has remained one of the better reasons to turn on your TV in the summertime, there’s really nothing left for me to care about.

…but not too ashamed to cash the check.

“Jackass 2″ hits the theaters next month (I just interviewed Steve-O last week, and that was illuminating, let me tell you), and so we present to you Johnny Knoxville & Co. dutifully subjecting their bodies to bodily harm the way a prostitute hands her body over to anyone willing to pay the price. Still, you can’t wait to see it, can you? Freak.

Kidding. I can’t wait to see it, either. The Firehose Rodeo clip is a hoot, but don’t miss Johnny’s encounter with a yak, either.

Johnny and the Yak
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Firehose Rodeo
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Anaconda
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The Big Tire Race
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Recently divorced comic Eddie Murphy is reportedly set to propose marriage to Melanie “Scary Spice” Brown, whom he has apparently been dating for just three months:

A source tells Us Weekly magazine, “They are looking for the right ring. They are already living together at Eddie’s house (in Beverly Hills).”

Brown, 31, has a daughter from a previous marriage; Murphy has five kids with ex-wife Nicole, whom he divorced in April. He also has a son from a previous relationship.

In July, the couple each got a tattoo of the other’s name, according to the source, who says they enjoy staying at home watching movies, ordering food and playing with their kids.

We at Premium Hollywood wish the happy couple all the best, and forsee a rosy future for the two of them…as long as Eddie remembers to “get with her friends” and Scary doesn’t want to “party all the time.”