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If you’re looking for a good bathroom read…

…here’s one of the best books you’re ever going to find: Unsold TV Pilots – The Almost Complete Guide To Everything You Never Saw On TV, by Lee Goldberg.

If you laughed really hard at the “Fox Force Five” discussion in “Pulp Fiction,” you won’t be able to stop reading this book…and re-reading it, and re-reading it.

Here are just a few entries to whet your appetite:

Wurlitzer: Scott Maldovan inherits a run-down diner, and in it, an antique, mahogany Wurlitzer jukebox which not only plays timeless hits, but hurls our hapless hero into the past, to the time when each particular song was popular. In the unproduced pilot, Scott is sent to 1968 San Francisco to help a woman in her battle against drug addiction.

Ethel Is An Elephant: Todd Susman is a New York photographer who shares his apartment with a baby elephant abandoned by a circus. The proposed series would chronicle this awkward living arrangement and his constant battles with the city and his landlord to keep the animal.

Poor Devil: Sammy Davis, Jr., stars as the earnest but inept disciple of the Devil (played by Christopher Lee, no less) who constantly fails to win over souls.

Ebony, Ivory, and Jade: On the surface, Ebony Bryant (Debbie Allen) and Ivory David (Martha Smith) are a Las Vegas song-and-dance team, managed by slick guy Nick Jade (Bert Convy)…but they are actually three crack secret agents.

There are also a lot of failed pilots which included actors and actresses who would LATER become famous. After the flop of “Basic Instinct 2,” one wonders if Sharon Stone now wishes that ABC had picked up “Badlands 2005,” the story of a U.S. marshall (Lewis Smith) and his cyborg partner (Miguel Ferrer) who patrol the now barren American West in a high-tech car for a tough female boss…played by Stone, naturally.

SUCH an awesome book.

You can follow us on Twitter @moviebuffs and on Facebook as well.

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REMINDER: “Best of TV Funhouse” is on tonight!

You can check out the “track listing,” as it were, right here.

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Arrested Development: Return of the Bluths

Looks like there’s at least one guy out there who still refuses to let FOX kill one of our favorite shows, but don’t expect this snazzy fan art to stir a revolution. Still, it’s pretty to look at and will make for a nice desktop wallpaper. Click here for the full image.

Return of the Bluths

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No, Daniel, it’s Celebrity FIT Club…

…not Celebrity COKE Club!

One of the lesser Baldwins…and after Alec, there’s a reeeeeeeeeal f*cking drop-off…has somehow managed to sully his reputation worse than when he appeared as part of VH-1′s “Celeb-reality” line-up: Daniel Baldwin got nailed during a coke bust in Santa Monica and was hauled in for possession.

Well, if nothing else, this makes Stephen look better.

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Who cares if a show’s executive producer guest-stars in one of its episodes…?

Well, that depends. But in the case of “Medium,” where one of the show’s executive producers is none other than Kelsey Grammer, quite a few people are interested.

Grammer will be appearing on the May 8th episode of the show…playing a guy who claims to be no less than the Angel of Death himself…and he and the show’s star, Patricia Arquette, held a press conference to celebrate the occasion. What’s arguably even cooler, however, is that Bullz-Eye got to participate…!

Dig this:

Read the rest of this entry »

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“Battlestar” spins off

The Sci-Fi Channel has released plans for a prequel series to their hit series, “Battlestar Galactica.” The series will be entitled “Caprica,” and will take place 50 years before “Galactica.” The plot will center around the events and circumstances that led up to the later series.

["Caprica"] is being developed and executive produced by Ronald D. Moore and David Eick. The duo is responsible for reengineering the 1978 Battlestar (masterminded by TV veteran Glen L. Larson) into a smash 2003 miniseries and then into a full-fledged series that’s garnered a massive cult following and just won a Peabody Award.

Like J.J. Abrams and Joss Whedon before them, Moore and Eick have been tapped for another series when the series that made them successful is still on the air. Usually this means less attention is paid to the first series, diminishing its quality. “Alias” suffered when Abrams started working on “Lost.” Ditto for “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” when Whedon started “Angel.” I think the creativity gets spread too thin and all the shows suffer. Let’s hope that Moore and Eick can keep things fresh.

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What’s that? You say you need another reason not to watch “The View”?

Ask and ye shall receive.

Here’s who’s replacing Meredith Viera:

Gahhhhhhh…!

Well, at least they can’t say the show hasn’t met its belligerent lesbian quota…

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Will the real Robin Williams please stand up

… because I can’t seem to figure out what kind of actor he’s supposed to be these days. Is he the cooky comedian from the 80′s, the family film guy from the 90′s, or the edgy thesp from the new millenium? His most recent film roles have pointed toward the latter, but if this is true, then why in God’s name is he doing a movie like “RV“?

Going to see this movie could easily be the biggest waste of time of the entire year, unless, of course, you decide to see the “Bring It On” clone “Stick It” the next day. Spend your time seeing much richer films like “Akeelah and the Bee” and “United 93,” or better yet, find the closest theater screening “Hard Candy.” You won’t regret it.

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It’s Kevin Costner’s “Waterworld;” we just live in it

kevin

So, if you work at a spa as a massage specialist, and you see Kevin Costner chilling out in the Zen Room in his terry cloth robe drinking cucumber water, waiting for you to come take him back to one of those serene, private massage rooms in the back…pretend you’ve suddenly taken ill. Or try to run away.

Or at the very least, make sure that someone in management has sat the boy down and explained to him what exactly is and is not appropriate behavior for a man receiving a massage. And make sure that towel is stapled to his body.

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Mick Jagger stars in ABC sitcom pilot

mick

You loved him in “Freejack”…and now, with any luck, you might just get to see budding actor Mick Jagger securely nestled on ABC’s fall primetime schedule each week, as he recently finished shooting scenes for a new sitcom pilot for the network.

The comedy is tentatively called “Let’s Rob Mick Jagger,” and stars “The Tao of Steve’s” Donal Logue as the janitor in a posh Manhattan high-rise who, over the course of the 22-episode season, will devise and then execute a plan to burglarize the Rolling Stone singer’s apartment. Think serialized TV in the vein of “Lost” and “24,” only executed as a comedy. And starring Mick Jagger as himself.

Let’s hope his newfound status as a TV star will allow that man to finally break out of his shell and meet some women.

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