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I’ve been a bad girl

So, we finally know why Kate was being transported by a Federal Marshal on the flight from Australia to Los Angeles; she blew up her father… literally. And inside her mother’s house, which she so kindly bought insurance for mere days beforehand. I guess this makes Kate’s crime a little less shocking, since her father was a grade-A asshole, but I just can’t buy into the fact that neither her nor Sawyer are as bad of people as the audience was first led to believe. C’mon, at least make one of them a real criminal for the sake of some variety! And what was the deal with Kate taking care of Sawyer, running off to make out with Jack in the woods, and then coming back to Sawyer to express her feelings for him all within one day’s time? Was that lip service with Jack really necessary; besides adding extra drama between Jack and Sawyer in further episodes, of course?

Meanwhile, Locke, Michael and Mr. Eko check out the educational film on the Dharma project with no new results. That is, until Mr. Eko uncovers a book the tail-end survivors found on the other side of the island; a book that just so happens to hold the missing film strip from the Dharma video. And while Locke and Eko learn a thing or two from the new footage – namely about using the computer for entering the Pick 5 Lotto Numbers AND NOTHING ELSE (especially communication) – Michael is off in the other room doing just that. And in a very “Matrix” moment that starts with a blinking computer prompt and an uneasy “Hello,” Michael discovers that he might just be talking to his son Walt on the other end. I’m suspect to believing that Walt has actually managed to get hold of a computer wherever he’s being held (unless he’s using his X-Men powers to communicate with his father), but I’d accept any bullshit answer as long as the poor castaways don’t have to enter those damn numbers ever 184 minutes.

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One less star is shining in the…

…cement.

According to Reuters, “Gregory Peck’s star has gone missing, believed stolen, from the Hollywood Walk of Fame by someone in possession of a cement saw and ‘very good taste,’ Hollywood’s honorary mayor Johnny Grant said on Wednesday. Grant, the former radio and TV star who is now chairman of the Hollywood Historic Trust, said the world famous pink star set in a black square that has honored Peck for more than 40 years had disappeared sometime in the last two weeks. ‘It was somebody who knew how to use a cement saw and was probably dressed as a construction worker,’ Grant said. ‘Whoever it was had very good taste.’ Grant said it would be difficult to dispose of the Peck star, adding that he was alerting eBay to anyone trying to sell it online. Police have been notified and are investigating.”

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You kiss your mom with that mouth?

In preparation for the DVD launch of “The Aristocrats,” V2 records is putting out a companion CD containing the world’s most famously filthy joke told by dozens of comedians. They sent us a four minute clip show version of the CD, and we just had to share it with you, our lovely readers. Note: This file is totally NSFW. Don’t say we didn’t warn you.

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Da Ali “Gee, someone’s suing us again” Show

This is just gold, right here. The Kazahkstan Government apparently found TV “personality” (and that phrase is used most literally) Borat Sagdiyev so upsetting that they took out a four page spread in the New York Times, defending themselves and decrying the horrible stereotype that Borat has created of their people.

There are so many jokes in this story that we’re not sure where to begin, so we will simply say that if a made up character has the government defending itself to foreign countries, then Sacha must be doing something right. Fight the power, bro.

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DVD shuffle: 11/29/05

Out on DVD this week:

1) Mr. & Mrs. Smith – RENT: There’s not much in the way of special features on this single-disc release, but knowing the way Fox operates, there should be a Special Edition of the film in the very near future. That said, the audio comentary by director Doug Liman is more than enough to satisfy the following months until the updated disc hits stores.

2) March of the Penguins – RENT: You’d find yourself hardpressed to recommend this film to DVD aficionados, since there really aren’t many special features, but the film has garnered enough attention to make this something worth adding to your Netflix queue.

3) Sky High – RENT: Disney’s family-friendly superhero movie is actually a lot more enjoyable to adults than their children, thanks mostly to a sharp cast of veteran actors including Dave Foley and Bruce Campbell. The DVD looks like it’s packed with bonus material, but it won’t take more than an hour to get through. Bummer.

4) Murderball – After “March of the Penguins,” this was the most talked about documentary in theaters this year, and for good reason, too. The bonus material is also much better, with two audio commentary tracks, a behind-the-scenes featurette, and deleted scenes that are all worth checking out.

Also out on DVD this week is the third volume (fourth season) of “Family Guy,” the summer comedy flop “Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo,” and a special edition release of Peter Jackson’s “The Frighteners.”

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If the script calls for a hot nun, then cast a hot freakin’ nun, for God’s sake!

It’s Gabrielle’s turn in the piss-me-off hotseat this week, with her raging insecurity over the at-best-average-looking blonde nun who helped Carlos get paroled early.

Yes, Gabrielle, that’s right: Carlos, after longing to get out of jail so he could be with you, plans to leave you so that he can live out all of his sexual fantasies with…the devout Sister Mary Margaret. She is not a former model, like you are. She does not have your curves, your fashion sense, or your feisty Latina temper. She is, in fact, a walking Glamour Don’t. And surely that must make Carlos want her all the more…unless, of course, Gabrielle is simply demonstrating the emotional intelligence of a fourteen-year-old.

In other news, Lynette gets promoted after Nina is fired for inexplicably getting it on with the receptionist who looks like Jim Carrey’s mildly effeminate little brother; George may or may not be dead; and loyal viewers begin to realize that if they keep watching the show, the producers won’t have any incentive to make it stop sucking.

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Box Office Roundup, November 27: Harry Potter beats up Christians, children, farm animals, and AIDS victims.

1) Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire: $54.9 million (second week, $201 million to date)
Poised to shatter the box office performances of the three previous “Potter” movies, we were stumped as to why “Goblet” was doing so much better than the others. Then it hit us; the other “Potter” movies were really good, and no one likes those kinds of movies.
2) Walk the Line: $19.7 million (second week, $54.7 million to date)
Shortly before his death, Johnny Cash meets a wigged out Joaquin Phoenix, knows the look of a man headed to rehab when he sees it, and says, “Yep, he’ll do.”
3) Yours, Mine and Ours: $17.4 million (opened Wednesday, $24.5 million to date)
We received a pass to see this, but gave it to our friend Wendi. She hasn’t spoken to us since.
4) Chicken Little: $12.4 million (fourth week, $118.2 million to date)
Pixar steps back for a moment, stretches its arms, leans into the ear of “partner” Disney, and whispers, “Time to put the rubber ball back in your mouth.”
5) Rent: $10.7 million (opened Wednesday, $18 million to date)
“Laugh along with the common people, laughing along even though they’re laughing at you, and the stupid things that you do, because you think that poor is cool.”

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A last remembrance of Mr. Miyagi

Mark Evanier has written for TV series, comic books, and seemingly knows or is at least somewhat acquainted with everyone in Hollywood. In his blog, he writes about Pat Morita here, and, as is par for the course with Evanier, it’s really interesting.


Read the rest after the jump...

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The best of the bunch

Following in the success of “Lost,” CBS, ABC and NBC all debuted new sci-fi dramas this season – “Threshold,” “Invasion” and “Surface,” respectively. After watching several episodes of each series, “Invasion” is the best of the bunch. It has been slow but steady, and like “Lost,” it is using our fear of the unknown to its advantage. Eddie Cibrian (Russell) was great in “Tilt” and has some serious star potential. The rest of the cast is solid – William Fichtner plays the consummate asshole as Sheriff Tom Underlay and Lisa Sheridan as Larkin is as cute as a button.

Things have really ramped up during the last two episodes. Just when you thought that the Sheriff had all the answers, he was shocked to see his wife’s dead body in Biscayne Cove. He has since decided to cover it up, but the seed is planted – even the “aliens” don’t really know what’s happening to them.

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Sometimes, you just get sucked into a bad movie…

…and this morning’s film du jour comes courtesy of TBS: “Three to Tango,” starring Matthew Perry and Neve Campbell. It’s pretty much a paint-by-numbers, simple-case-of-misunderstanding romantic comedy, one of those deals where the entire thing would come to a screeching halt if only Matthew Perry’s character only said, “I’m not gay.” He doesn’t, of course, until the grand finale…which plays out exactly as you’d think it would. The thing is, Neve Campbell is so damned cute that she keeps you watching the flick just to watch her. Also, Bob Balaban and John McGinley are in the movie, two guys who guarantee at least a few laughs.

Oh, crap. “Three to Tango” is over and “The Birdcage” is coming on. Time to flip over to TNT and watch “Twister”…


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