It felt like there was more star power on hand than usual for a winter tour…but, then, having Oprah in your midst kind of skewers your perceptions on that sort of thing. I suppose it’s a testament to how many famous people I’ve met over the years, though, that one of the biggest reasons I look forward to the tour is not because of who I might interview but, rather, because I’ll get the chance to hang out with the friends I’ve made within the TCA. All told, it was another great time, but, as ever, when it was over, I was more than ready to get back home to my family and share my memories with them…and with you, too, of course.

Well, let’s get on with the reminiscing, shall we?

Oh, but one word of warning: if you followed my daily dispatches during the tour, then a couple of these stories will sound strikingly familiar, but please rest assured that the majority of the material has not been copied wholesale and is, in fact, 100% new. Swear to God.

Most entertaining panel by a broadcast network: “Made in Spain” (PBS)

Not being a foodie, I wouldn’t have known José Andrés prior to his kick-off of PBS’s first day at the TCA tour if he’d been standing next to me…and, even then, I wouldn’t have known that I was supposed to care who he was. After several minutes of clips from the first season of “Made in Spain,” however, I was already in love with the series, and when Andres himself took the stage, it was impossible not to be charmed by him. He’s a sweetheart of a guy for whom food truly is life, but he’s also a hoot.

Most entertaining panel by a cable network: “An Idiot Abroad” (Science Channel)

I was seriously bummed when I heard that no one from “An Idiot Abroad” was going to be in attendance for the show’s panel, but I figured, “Okay, at least they’ll be there via satellite.” In retrospect, there’s no way they could’ve been funnier if they’d actually been onsite. Naturally, just being in Karl Pilkington’s presence was enough to inspire Ricky Gervais and Steven Merchant to dissolve into a fit of giggles, but they were utterly warranted this go-round.

Here, see for yourself:

Most annoying panel: “Platinum Hit” (Bravo)

Between Kara DioGuardi handling a question about “American Idol” about as poorly as she possibly could have – read more about that here – and Jewel dropping names like they were hot potatoes (“I was talking to Steven Spielberg…”), I’m hard pressed to think of any panel that left a worse taste in my mouth.

Panel which had the least need for an audience: “The Best of Laugh-In” (PBS)

It wasn’t entirely surprising that a panel consisting of Lily Tomlin, Jo Anne Worley, Ruth Buzzi, Gary Owens and George Schlatter would be able keep things moving along without any of the critics in attendance actually needing to ask a question, but they kept passing the conversational ball back and forth until someone in the crowd finally had to stand up and ask if it was okay to ask a question. Schlatter instantly shot back, “We’re trying to talk here!” Laughter ensued, as did plenty of questions about the history of “Laugh-In.” “Are you guys having fun?” Schlatter asked later. “Because we’re having a ball!” Must be what keeps them looking so young: you’d never in a million years believe that Worley – that’s her in the feathered boa, in case you hadn’t guessed – is 73 years old.

Funniest panel that you probably had to be there to appreciate: “Community” (NBC)

The only person not in attendance was Chevy Chase, who was described as being “very under the weather,’ but his co-stars more than made up for his absence. If I tried to tell you about it, though, you’d probably just stare blankly at me. Some of the funniness came from the giggling of the various panelists, some it involved one-liners which would require a lengthy amount of set-up for you to appreciate, some of it was totally visual, and…well, you get the idea. But it really was hilarious, I swear. The most easily-translatable moment is probably Donald Glover’s story about how they had to teach Betty White the lyrics to Toto’s “Africa” on the set. “I assumed she knew ‘Africa,’” he said. “I was, like, ‘Everybody knows that song!’ But, like, that song was out when she was already old. She was already 50-something.”

Greatest Moment of Complete Honesty During the Tour: When I approached Jack McBrayer (“30 Rock”) to ask him a question, he agreed, but then he looked down at my recorder and said, “Oh, my! You’re not going to record this, are you? I’d rather you didn’t.” At this point, he performed a perfect mock aside, holding a hand to his mouth and whispering, “I’m a little bit tipsy!” So I turned off my recorder. Kudos to you, Mr. McBrayer. Would that more actors had that blend of good humor and common sense.

Most common recurring question during the panels: “Who’s the moral center of your show?”

I am at a loss to understand why this vaguely pretentious-sounding query suddenly became the must-ask of the tour, but I’m sure I heard it asked half a dozen times, maybe more.

Most promising new cable program that I didn’t know much about before going into the tour: “Too Big to Fail” (HBO)

Even without knowing the subject matter of the film (it’s about the whole Lehman Brothers financial saga of a few years ago), just seeing the list of cast members is enough to make the title seem apropos. Dig these names: William Hurt, Paul Giamatti, Topher Grace, Billy Crudup, James Woods, Bill Pullman, Matthew Modine, Tony Shaloub, Cynthia Nixon, Michael O’Keefe, Dan Hedaya, Kathy Baker, and Ed Asner as Warren Buffett. Seriously, how can this thing go wrong?

Least promising new broadcast network program that I didn’t know anything about before going into the tour: “America’s Next Great Restaurant” (NBC)

One of the critics asked, “Do you remember Rocco’s DiSpirito’s TV show, ‘The Restaurant’?” I do not. And I won’t remember to watch this one, either. Who cares?

My best opening salvo for an interview: telling Malcolm McDowell that I really loved his audio commentary for “Caligula.”

It could’ve backfired horribly on me, but given that it’s one of my all-time favorite commentaries (and given how thoroughly amused he seems to be throughout the proceedings), I had to lead with this unique piece of praise. As it happens, his eyes lit up immediately as he informed me that he’d wanting for years to do a one-man show about his experiences working on the film, assuring me that he’d saved a few stories for just such an occasion.

Favorite moment during a one-on-one interview: Phil Morris channeling the spirit of Lord Buckley.

We were talking about the character of Jackie Chiles, which Morris played on “Seinfeld” and has recently revived for FunnyOrDie.com. Morris – now on TV One’s “Love That Girl!” – was trying to explain how Jackie’s delivery was what made the character funny, but while trying to come up with a name, he kept saying, “F. Lee…F. Lee…” F. Lee Bailey? “No, I mean, uh, Buckley.” Before he could clarify that he meant William F. Buckley, I laughed and suggested that he might be referring to Lord Buckley. At this reference, Morris raised his eyebrows and launched into a perfect impression of the mustachioed hipster comedian, which just about knocked me backwards. “Come on now, how often do you get to break that out?” I asked. Morris burst out laughing and offered a fist bump, praising me for “digging deep,” but I dare say the same praise could be lavished on him as well.

Favorite one-on-one interview overall: Tyler Labine, “Mad Love” (CBS)

I’ve got to go with Mr. Labine on this one. I met him during my first TCA tour in 2007, back when he was pimping the premiere of “Reaper,” and between Facebook, phoners, and further TCA events…well, I wouldn’t be so presumptuous as to say we’re friends, but we’ve definitely built a comfortable rapport when it comes to our conversations. As such, his first words involved apologizing for the fact that we couldn’t kick back and drink scotch this time (that’s what we did when he was promoting “Sons of Tucson” for Fox) because he had to be back on the set in a few hours. Still, he’s a nice guy, he’s got a nice beard, and, once again, we had a nice – if woefully alcohol-free – interview.

Most intimidating roundtable interview: Tommy Lee Jones, “The Sunset Limited” (HBO)

Everyone warned me. They said, “He’s not a good interview, he hates doing press, and if you’re not planning to bring your A-game, then you might as well not come at all.” But, dammit, it’s Tommy Lee Jones. How do you turn down the chance to sit in the presence of that guy? Better yet, I’d watched and really enjoyed his adaptation of Cormac McCarthy’s play, “The Sunset Limited,” which he’d directed for HBO and starred in as well, along with Samuel L. Jackson. Sure, I was intimidated, but I’d done my research, I had my questions, and I was ready to roll.

As it turns out, Mr. Jones was everything I’d been promised and more, but while I had gotten out without having any of my questions insulted or dismissed, my original perception of the experience was heavily colored by one of my fellow journalists being informed at one point, “You know, I’ve already said that. I’ve already answered that question.” Listening back to the recording, though, I actually did better than I’d recalled: of the three writers who were there, I was the first to get a halfway decent answer out of him, and if I never really hit any out of the park, at least none of my questions resulted in a full-fledged swing and a miss. Still, if there’s such a thing as a badge of courage for TV critics, I feel as though one should be sent my way post-haste.

Least successful one-on-one interview: Mike Tyson, “Taking on Tyson” (Animal Planet)

When he swaggered into the evening event which was held by the OWN Network but encompassed all members of the Discovery Channel family, I thought, “Okay, I work for a guys’ website: I have to talk to Mike Tyson.” I approached him and asked him a question revolving around how he’s suddenly a media presence again, first with “The Hangover” and now with this new series. Before he could answer, one of his “handlers” ran up and said, “Hey, Mike, I found ya some food!” At this, Tyson grabbed himself something to eat and walked away, my question unanswered.

Later in the evening, it had become de rigueur to go up to Tyson and ask if he’d be willing to let you take your picture with him. I restrained myself at first, but then I finally decided, “Well, maybe I’ll just try again with my question, then someone can take a picture of me while I’m talking to him.” So I approached him once more and said, “Hey, Mike, can I ask you a quick question about the new show?” He glanced at me…and said, “Nah.” No less than 10 seconds later, he was taking more photos with people. That’s what I get for trying to work.

My 7 Favorite Cheap Thrills of the Tour:

1. Meeting the Fonz. Yeah, I know, Henry Winkler hasn’t been the Fonz in decades, but he’ll always be the Fonz to me. I’m thrilled for him, though, that the work offers are coming in fast and furious: he was at the tour as a cast member for both Adult Swim’s “Childrens Hospital” and USA’s “Royal Pains.”

2. Breathing the same air as Oprah. I’m pretty sure this means I’ll never get cancer!

3. Calling Elijah Wood on fucking up my shopping at Amoeba Music last tour. Wood was at the Fox party to promote his new FX series, “Wilfred,” and when I found a chance to chat with him, I said, “First, I’ve got a photo I want to show you.” I broke out my iPhone and showed him a shot I’d taken of him at the turntable at Amoeba. “Oh, yeah,” he said, “I was DJ’ing that day!” “Yeah,” I replied, “and you were also totally blocking the bargain bin. I only get there once, maybe twice a year, dude. That totally sucked.” He laughed, but he still looked appropriate chagrined, and he apologized. Given how much of a music geek he is, I think he probably even meant it.

4. Interviewing Paris Hilton. What can I tell you? She’s hot.

5. Successfully asking Jerry Rice a question about football, despite the fact that I don’t know anything about football, let alone Jerry Rice. Let it never be said that I’m not up for a challenge.

6. Spending 20 minutes with Bruce Jenner talking about nothing but his acting gigs from the late ’70s and early ’80s. I don’t keep up with the Kardashians and don’t plan to start anytime soon, but I do enjoy the chance to ask people about projects that they haven’t been given the chance to talk about in awhile. And that is why I have 20 minutes of anecdotes from Jenner about serving as a defacto replacement for Erik Estrada on “CHiPs” for several episodes, working with Harry Belafonte, LeVar Burton, and Dennis Haysbert on “Grambling’s White Tiger,” and, of course, all the dirt he cared to dish on the experience of working with Valerie Perrine and the Village People on “Can’t Stop the Music.” The only time his family’s TV series came up was when one of his daughters called to tell him that they’d won the People’s Choice Award for Guilty Pleasure…and it didn’t even occur to me to ask which daughter!

7. Just being in the same room with Jeff Bridges. How could this not be on here? He’s The Dude, for God’s sake.

Most awesome visit to the set of a network show: “Parks & Recreation” (NBC)

I admit that it took me a little while to get past my general indifference to the first season of this show, but having devoured the Season 2 set and quickly moved on to the six episodes of Season 3 that were sent out to critics in advance of the tour, I was psyched when I heard that we’d be visiting the nerve center of the Pawnee government. I was bummed that Chris Pratt wasn’t in attendance, but I was part of the group which was toured around the set by Adam Scott and Michael Schur and given up close looks at the offices of Lesley Knope and Ron Swanson, along with some of Pawnee’s most (in)famous murals. Plus, I…well, at the moment, if I told you that I had my picture taken with Li’l Sebastian, it wouldn’t mean anything to you, but I promise you that when the time comes for the episode revolving around the Harvest Festival, you’ll be all, like, “He got his picture taken with Li’l Sebastian! Sweet! That dude is awesome!” Or, at least, that’s what Tom Haverford would say, anyway.

Most awesome visit to the set of a basic cable show: “Conan,” TBS

I guess “awesome” might be overdoing it a bit, but I’m a big Conan fan, so it was just cool to be able to check out the set. Unsurprisingly, Conan himself – flanked by longtime pal and producer Jeff Ross – had lots of funny stuff to say, much of it self-deprecating. But, then, I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.

Best piece of swag: If you were to ask my daughter, it’d probably be the game of Jenga that was offered up during Fox’s “Raising Hope” breakfast, which, although she’d never played it before I brought it home, has taken to it like a duck to water. Frankly, I thought she’d like the Mickey Mouse ears with her name embroidered on it more. Just goes to show that fathers don’t know the first thing about their daughters. For my part, it would’ve been the Greendale Community College shirt, except that it was a large rather than the XXL that I’d need to ever wear it in public. (Note to network publicity departments: given that you’re dealing with a group of individuals who spend the majority of their day sitting in front of their television sets, it wouldn’t be the craziest idea in the world to upgrade the sizes you send out. I’ve been a member of the TCA since 2007, and I think I’ve been able to fit into maybe two of the 50+ promotional shirts I’ve gotten in that time. On the other hand, my daughter has a lot of really awesome nightshirts.) In the end, though, I’ve got to go with the bloody bathmat left in front of the tub for us by Fearnet. Thank God I was given advance warning that it was waiting in the room for me…

Best off-site visit that wasn’t connected to the tour: to The Vanguard for the taping of two episodes of “The Green Room with Paul Provenza.”

At the end of 2010, I pulled together a piece which featured my favorite quotes of the year. After doing so, I sent the link to all of my interview subjects who were on Facebook, thanking them for being a part of the piece and wishing us both the best in 2011. Paul Provenza immediately wrote back, saying, “Thank you! Let’s do other stuff.” A few days later, I received an invite to attend tapings for the second season of his Showtime series, and since the dates happened to be in the heart of the TCA tour, I took him up on his kind offer, bringing my friends Christine Becknell and Eric Field with me.

What an incredible evening: free food, an open bar (I don’t mind telling you that the Newcastle was going down smoooooooth), and some seriously funny people, including Lewis Black, Ron White, Kathleen Madigan, Jamie Kilstein, Richard Lewis, Margaret Cho, Jeffrey Ross, and Kumail Nanjiani. Other comedians, including Rick Overton, Doug Stanhope, and David Feldman, were in the house, as were Sugar Ray Leonard and Ron Jeremy.

I think my personal favorite one-liner came when Ron White denied being an alcoholic, explaining, “I only drink when I work,” then adding, “But I am a workaholic.” What I’ll inevitably remember most, though. All in all, though, it’s hard to top Ron Jeremy repeatedly falling asleep during the taping of the second episode. Like that wouldn’t be embarrassing enough, but the poor bastard did it directly in front of Jeffrey Ross, who ripped him to shreds every time he caught him. (“Hey, look, Ron Jeremy must have an erection! He’s passed out from all of the blood rushing to his cock!”) Good times, to be sure.

Most awesome live performance of the tour: David Foster, promoting “Great Performances: Hitman Returns – David Foster and Friends” for PBS.

PBS really did right by us on this tour. For the first of their two evening events, they provided us with a performance from Harry Connick, Jr., who blew the roof off the joint in suitably jazzy fashion. Ultimately, though, he couldn’t hold a candle to David Foster, who opened with the love theme from “St. Elmo’s Fire,” followed with a medley of his biggest hits, along with clarification as to which of his ex-wives owned the rights to them, and then brought out a couple of friends to join in the fun. Although Charice – you may recall her from her appearance on “Glee” – knocked Eric Carmen’s “All By Myself” out of the park, she still couldn’t defeat Donna Summer, who minutes earlier had turned the Langham into a discotheque with a breathtaking rendition of one of her signature songs, “Last Dance.” Damn, that woman’s still got some pipes!

Best party: Fox

It’s so weird: during the summer, it feels like Fox goes out of their way to put us in the loudest, most distracting environment possible (the amusement park on the Santa Monica pier), thereby making it almost impossible to conduct decent interviews. This is the second winter tour, however, where they’ve rented out Villa Sorriso for their evening function. Why can’t they do that in the summer, too? Sure, it’s crowded, but it’s a hell of a lot more conducive to conversation. Plus, they’re not afraid to offer up 12-year-old Macallan’s, which, as it turns out, is pretty damned conducive to conversation, too.

Most pleasantly surprising party: Hallmark Channel

I know the cool kids can’t in good conscience admit to watching either the Hallmark Channel or its sister movie network, but I don’t mind telling you that they know how to throw a classy party. It was a sit-down affair – the only one of the tour – where the food was delicious and the wine only stopped flowing when we walked out the door, at which point we were handed a bottle of Brut champagne as a parting gift!

Worst party: ABC / CBS (tie)

I understand that the networks don’t feel the need to go quite as all-out with their winter tour functions as they do during the summer, but the ABC and CBS network families took cost-cutting to a depressing low. Okay, I understand why ABC would only offer up talent from their mid-season shows, but given that most TCA members only get out to the west coast twice a year, it was depressing not to have the chance to interview cast members from their other series. Meanwhile, CBS didn’t even have a party. Well, not really, anyway. Instead, it was all, like, “Oh, hey, we sent home everybody who was here to promote their new CBS and Showtime series, but here are the people who were just onstage for the panels for The CW, so stand in the lobby and ask them questions!” Yeah, but…they were just onstage. Oh, well, at least it gave me the chance to have a pleasant conversation with Sara Rue, right?

Oh, wait, I forgot…

Most annoying moment of the tour: having Sara Rue’s personal publicist start tapping her watch at about 90 seconds into my attempt to interview her client.

I love Sara Rue. I think she’s as cute as can be, I’ve thought so ever since she was starring in ABC’s “Less Than Perfect,” and her guest appearances on three different CBS comedies (“Two and a Half Men,” “The Big Bang Theory,” and “Rules of Engagement”) have only cemented my appreciation of her work as a comedic actress. As such, you can understand why I gravitated toward her during The CW’s post-panel cocktail party in an attempt to grab a brief one-on-one interview with her about her new gig as the host of “Shedding for the Wedding.” The good news: Ms. Rue herself was as sweet as could be. In fact, from what I can tell, her only real fault would seem to be her taste in personal publicists.

The publicist was standing outside of Rue’s line of vision when the tapfest began. Frankly, since I was focused on my interview subject, I only half-realized what I was seeing at first. In fact, I pretty much convinced myself that it couldn’t have been what I was seeing, and I kept right on with another question. About 30 seconds later, however, the tapping resumed, this time more furiously and now accompanied by a look which hovered between annoyance and anger. Having little choice in the matter, I wrapped the interview and thanked Rue, who seemed to have enjoyed our short time together, but my plans to do a full-length piece offering a look at “Shedding for the Wedding” as well as an exploration of Rue’s earlier career had been shot all to hell.

What happened? Best guess: the publicist didn’t know me, wasn’t familiar with Bullz-Eye, and only gave me the time she did because she was in a room filled with CW executives and couldn’t get away with refusing me altogether. Next TCA tour, though, I’m thinking about wearing a t-shirt to all press events which reads, “Just because you don’t know me doesn’t mean I suck.”

Okay, last time I ended on my most annoying moment of the tour, and it felt woefully anticlimactic, so this time I’m going to end with a few laughs and offer up…

The Top 11 Quotes from the TCA Tour (one for each day of the tour):

1. “I got a little bit nervous when they told me that I had to be speaking in front of TV critics. I knew I was coming here to share time at PBS, but all of a sudden it’s, like, ‘The room is going to be full of TV critics.’ Great: all my life dealing with food critics one by one, and now I’m going to have to be dealing with an entire room of TV critics…?” – Jose Andres, “Made in Spain” (PBS)

2. “What is this Betty White business? This is silly. Really, it is very silly. You’ve had such an overdose of me lately. Trust me. I think I’m going to go away for a while. It’s hard for me to say no to a job because you spend your career thinking if you say no, they’ll never ask you again, and if you don’t take the job, you know, that may be the end of it, but my mother taught me to say no when I was a girl, but that wasn’t about show business. So the result is I’m trying to cut down. I really am.” – Betty White, “Hot in Cleveland” (TV Land)

3. “Betty White is in the building. Did you hear that? I hope I get to touch her. I just had cataracts, and I’m still adjusting, but what I see is looking pretty good.” – Ed Asner, “Working Class” (CMT)

4. “The one note we did get (for ‘Children’s Hospital’), it was from Warner Brothers…I hesitate to even tell you this, but when we turned in our first script for the web series, Warner Brothers called us up and said, ‘Um, do you think you could cut the shot where we actually see the Twin Towers burning?’ And we were like, ‘Yeah, do you know what? That’s a great note.’” – Rob Corddry, “Children’s Hospital” (Adult Swim)

5. “My opinion don’t mean nothing. I’m here to talk about pigeons and stuff. Anything other than that, I’m a schmuck.” – Mike Tyson, “Taking on Tyson” (Animal Planet)

6. “If Oprah would have asked me to ride a unicycle naked and backwards at night, I would have asked her, ‘Where do I sign up?’ It’s Oprah.” – Mark Burnett, Your OWN Show (OWN)

7. “I wanted to be a substitute for Joan Lunden. And the agent at the time told me there weren’t going to be any more black people on network television. He said, ‘They’ve already got Bryant Gumbel.’ And I said, ‘But that’s another channel.’ And he said, ‘No, no. They’ve already got Bryant Gumbel. That’s not going to happen.'” – Oprah Winfrey, Owner of OWN

8. “I think the expectation that women be attractive as well as funny has just always been there. We even need attractive news anchors who are telling us about death and destruction and they still need to be pretty. I don’t know why it is. Some sociobiological level. We need to look at females and think, ‘I would hit that.’ I think that the gentlemen may need it.” – Julie Bowen, “Modern Family” (ABC)

9. Q: Are you going to have to put Steve on a five second delay on (’American Idol’)?
Steven Tyler: Fuck, no. (Pauses) I question whether I should have done that just now.

10. “‘The Good Wife’ was always meant ironically. I think it’s actually very descriptive. I think the comment I made was it would have been nice to be ironic and call it ‘The Sexy Wife’ or ‘The Sexy Wife Whose Husband Goes Down On Her’ or something like that. That might have brought in more people.” – Robert King, “The Good Wife” (CBS)

11. “Do you guys ask questions for a profession? You’re pretty good. You don’t look like much as a group, but…good questions.” – Steve Young, “Year of the Quarterback” (ESPN)

And, baby, I have hit it.

When I woke up on the morning of Day 10 of the tour, I had a headache. It was the first time I’d had one since arriving in Pasadena, and, of course, I took it for what it was: a sign that both my body and mind were ready to return to Virginia. Little did I realize that it was really more of a portent of the evil that would cross my path on this day…but we’ll get to that. With a job to do, I popped a couple of Motrin, swigged some coffee, and entered into the day’s panels, which consisted of shows from the CBS family of networks, which includes, of course, CBS (“Chaos,” “Mad Love,” “The Good Wife”), but also Showtime (“The Borgias,” “Shameless,” “Californication,” “Episodes”) and The CW (“Shedding for the Wedding”). There were also executive sessions for the various networks, as well as one for the “Kick Ass Women of The CW,” featuring stars from “Hellcats,” “The Vampire Diaries,” “Nikita,” and “Smallville.”

Looking at the talent list for the various panels, there were certainly people I wanted to chat with, but I’ve always had trouble picking up interviews for Showtime series, a fact which all but killed my chances with many of the most interesting actors in attendance, including Jeremy Irons, William H. Macy, David Duchovny, and Matt LeBlanc. Heck, I couldn’t even pull a one-on-one with Colm Feore, although I did end up chatting with him later in the evening while pretending to be Canadian. (Don’t ask.) But I did at least make it into post-panel scrums for Irons, Macy, and the ever-gorgeous Carla Gugino, so there’s that, at least. And amongst the cast of CBS’s “Mad Love” is the always amiable Tyler Labine, who I’ve been interviewing at TCA since my first tour, when “Reaper” debuted, so he and I got in a good one-on-one.

Most of my afternoon, however, was spent in a funk. Maybe it’s because I’d hit the wall, but I found myself getting progressively grumpier about the way various actors’ personal publicists were acting. One assured me that I could do a walk-and-talk with their client, who was in a rush to get to another appointment, only to promise the same thing to another writer moments later and leave me in the dust. Another deigned to let me do a one-on-one with her client, then – outside of her client’s line of vision – starting tapping her watch ferociously before I’d even had two minutes of conversation. (This was particularly infuriating because the writers before and after me had neither a time limit nor been “chaperoned” during their interviews.) It was also a major bummer that the evening event was an hour-long cocktail party where the attendees were limited to the shows on The CW which were represented on the network’s panels.

Despite my relatively grouchy attitude throughout the day, there were still some highlights on the panels that are worth mentioning, so here they are…

1. Q: Given Charlie Sheen’s antics over the weekend, how would you characterize your level of concern about him, and what is the network doing to help him?
Nina Tassler (with all due sarcasm): Well, I really didn’t expect that question this morning. So I’m just…I’m really taken by surprise. Look, obviously, we’ve thought, and I personally have thought, a lot about this, and we have a high level of concern. How could we not? But I have to speak to this personally first. On a very basic, human level, concern, of course. This man is a father. He’s got children. He has a family. So, obviously, there’s concern on a personal level. But you can’t look at it simplistically. Charlie is a professional. He comes to work. He does his job extremely well. We are taping tonight, and it’s…it’s very complicated, but we have a very good relationship with Warner Bros. I have a tremendous trust and respect in the way they are managing the situation. So, on a personal level, obviously concerned. On a professional level, he does his job, he does it well, the show is a hit, and…that’s really all I have to say.

2. Question: Jason, what about your character (in “Mad Love”)?
Jason Biggs: Without giving too much away, obviously, I have sex with a sheet cake in the second episode.
Sarah Chalke: We weren’t going to reveal that!
Judy Greer: Way to go.
Jason Biggs: I don’t know if that’s a spoiler alert. Sorry, guys.
Judy Greer: That’s the cake we used for what’s her name’s birthday? Just kidding.
Jason Biggs: Yes. Yes, it was.
Judy Greer: I had a piece of that!
Jason Biggs: No. There are some situations. I wouldn’t say they are exactly, you know, akin to some of the I mean, let’s be honest. Those were very R rated, and some pushing NC 17 scenarios.
Matt Tarses: He loses his pants in Staten Island.
Jason Biggs: But I do lose my pants in Staten Island. So you do see me pantsless, which I think is what my fans demand of me in general and but yeah, there are some I mean, Matt has written, for all of us, some kinds of crazy situations. I mean, it’s inherent to this format, I think, is to create situations that are quite comical and kind of crazy. And for someone who can the person that does it right, they are funny, but they are also grounded in reality somehow, and they are with characters that you like and all that good stuff. And I feel like that’s what’s happening here. So, among those situations, which I believe there are some in every episode, one of them I lose my pants in Staten Island. The other one I have sex with a sheet cake.

3. Q: Freddy, describe what happens when you read a script that says, “Next, Rick eats a scorpion.” What was that like? And when you filmed it…I’m sure you didn’t eat a scorpion, but whatever you were holding…
Freddy Rodriquez: How are you so sure?
Q: It looked realistic. You were holding something that was wiggly and scary. Just describe what it was like when you heard you were going to do it and what it was like to do that scene.
Freddy Rodriquez: Well, to be honest, I wasn’t sure what it was going to be when I got there. And when I got there, if you remember, Tom…
Tom Spezialy: Oh, I remember.

Freddy Rodriguez: …it was a real scorpion. I had a slight anxiety attack, to be honest, right? And then I got over it. And then I asked Brett Ratner to hold it. I would do it if he would hold it, and he refused, and we had an exchange. And after a while I got over it, and it was fun. I mean, when I read the script, there were so many great things that my character was doing in the pilot that I had to be involved even if it had to do with holding a scorpion. It was a real scorpion. I think they put Krazy Glue on the stinger, (but), yeah, it was real.
Q: What does it look like to see that thing wiggling in front of your eyes?
Freddy Rodriguez: Scary. It’s scary.
Tom Spezialy: It peed on him.
Freddy Rodriguez: Oh, yeah, it did. At one point in the night, it just…I didn’t enjoy the experience…it started peeing on me. And I didn’t know what it was. I just thought it was, like, spraying me with some sort of poison or…I wasn’t sure what it was, but it was urine.
Eric Close: Are you sure it was urine?
Freddy Rodriguez: Yeah, it was urine. Gave me golden sunshine, I guess.

4. “Thank you for coming out, and thank you for showing the interest in the show. Michelle (King’s) and my moms keep sending us emails linking to great complimentary articles and reviews of (‘The Good Wife’). So we’re very aware of what support we get from the critical community…and our moms are very aware of it, too.” – Robert King, “The Good Wife” (CBS)

5. “I wouldn’t say they (CBS) ever ask us to make things more morally clear. I mean, sometimes cases need to be made clear. And in terms of what we can do on broadcast versus cable, I think we can pretty much do it all except say ‘fuck.’” – Michelle King, “The Good Wife” (CBS)

6. “(The title) ‘The Good Wife’ was always meant ironically. I think it’s actually very descriptive. I think the comment I made was it would have been nice to be ironic and call it ‘The Sexy Wife’ or ‘The Sexy Wife Whose Husband Goes Down On Her’ or something like that. That might have brought in more people.” – Robert King, “The Good Wife” (CBS)

7. I read something about Pope John the Pope John Paul, is it, the Polish Pope. And it was from a Catholic theologian who said he wrote, actually, ‘Habet duos testiculos et bene pendentes.’ He said, ‘This man is well hung. That’s why he deserved to be Pope.’ Now, certain things the Vatican will not reveal to all of us, but there is a chair, apparently, a Porphyry Chair, with a large circular hole in it to so these examinations can be made. Now, many people will deny that, but I’ve read I read reputable historians who says it happens, okay? Perhaps no longer, but then it did.” – Neil Jordan, “The Borgias” (Showtime)

8. “I think (Rodrigo Borgia) is a pretty good guy just doing the best he can. I mean, power corrupts, you know. It was a time quite unlike the time we live in today. There were murders in Rome every night, poisonings most weekends. There was incest here and sodomy there. You know, it was a good old rolling, rollicking society. And if you’ve got to try and run that, which the Pope attempts to do, then, of course, you’ve got to play by some of the games, by some of the rules that society follows. I didn’t judge him at all. I just tried to hang on by the hang onto the position and do what he wanted too. I think it’s up to the audience to say what is good, what is wrong, what is right, and then think how much wonder how much has changed as you look at present day Italy or present day almost anywhere of power. I think there are huge parallels about what people get up to in order to hang on to power and in order to get their way. I don’t think anything has changed, and perhaps those thoughts will go through our minds when we judge these people. I played him. I thought I was quite a good guy. But George Bush probably thought he was quite a good guy, too.” – Jeremy Irons, “The Borgias” (Showtime)

9. “As a director, (‘The Borgias’) is a nightmare because (the actors) all come with the books about their character. ‘Hang on, I didn’t do that. Look, it says here he did this. It says here he did that.’ Stop, please.” – Neil Jordan, “The Borgias” (Showtime)

10. Tom Kapinos: You know, I think we’ve always had great luck, first and foremost, (getting guest stars for ‘Californication.’) But as we go along, it seems we attract more people. You know, we get a lot of calls of, like, ‘So and so would love to do the show.’ This year that didn’t happen. We had to actually go out and aggressively find people. But we had Carla (Gugino), who I told her when we first met that I was a fan for a long time. And I don’t know if she believed me, but that was very true. And it was so awesome to get her. Rob Lowe was a complete accident. We went after him. His agent told us he was unavailable. Then David’s hairstylist somehow made it happen.
Carla Gugino: That’s Hollywood for you.
David Duchovny: It’s a long story, but my hairstylist can make a lot of shit happen.
Tom Kapinos: It’s really more of a hair ninja.

11. “It sure is fun to play someone who is toasted all the time. In my whole career, I feel like I’ve spent a lot of time speaking for the little guy, the disenfranchised. And whether you like it or not at this moment, perhaps in this room, but certainly all across the country, a lot of people are really toasted right now, drunk as skunks, and I speak for them. I am the spokesperson for people who like to start the day with a couple of brewskies.” – William H. Macy, “Shameless” (Showtime)

WARNING! LIST CAVEAT! – To be included within this list, the show cannot have started at any point prior to Jan. 1, 2000. Without that caveat, you can bet that “Angel” would’ve been included…and, yes, probably “Farscape,” too. But definitely “Angel.”

15. Masters of Science Fiction (ABC): As an anthology series in the 2000s, it’s not like it ever had a chance in Hell of surviving, anyway, which is why it comes in at the bottom of the list. Still, it deserves mention here, partially because it was really good, but mostly because it got an even bigger shaft from ABC than “New Amsterdam” got from Fox.

Get this: during ABC’s executive panel during the TCA Press tour of summer 2007, someone asked Stephen McPherson, the network’s president of entertainment about the origins of the series, and he responded, “It was a low-cost initiative that we tried. We did this series of movies to see if there was a way to spark something different at a really low cost point. You know, I think there is some good work done there, but it’s very unseen. So it’s just been…it’s been a little bit problematic.” Okay, now, to be fair, he’s acknowledging that there’s “good work” inherent somewhere in the series, but to put these comments in a better perspective, they were made before the show had even premiered. And how did he decide to remedy this problem of the series being “unseen”? By premiering it at 10 PM on Saturday night. Hey, way to get behind your programming, Steve!

In fairness, I’m sure no one, not even the series creators, ever expected “Masters of Science Fiction” to be anything other than a short-lived midseason entry, but it’s not like it had to be. The series harked back to classic dramatic anthologies like “The Twilight Zone,” “The Outer Limits,” and the like, and while its budget might not be through the roof, the performances – including turns from Malcolm McDowell, Anne Heche, Sam Waterston, Judy Davis, Terry O’Quinn, Elizabeth Rohm, Brian Dennehy, and John Hurt – were top-notch. But, then, that’s what happens when you bring in directors like Mark Rydell (”On Golden Pond”), Michael Tolkin (”The Player”), and Jonathan Frakes (”Star Trek: First Contact”) to helm adaptations of stories by Robert Heinlein (”Starship Troopers”), Howard Fast (”Spartacus”), and legendary sci-fi writer Harlan Ellison, who actually adapted his own story, collaborating with Josh Olson (”A History of Violence”). If any of this sounds like it might be up your alley, you can at least take comfort in the knowledge that the entire series is available on DVD, including two episodes that ABC couldn’t be bothered to air.

14. Dark Angel (Fox): Nowadays, it’s best remembered for the fact that it introduced the world at large to the assets of Jessica Alba (which, by the way, look damned good in black leather), but when “Dark Angel” premiered, its high profile came from the fact that it was the first thing that it was produced by James Cameron. What not nearly as many people remember, however, is that the show also starred Michael Weatherly, who would get a much longer running gig a few years later when he took on the role of Anthony DiNozzo in “NCIS,” and Jensen Ackles, now better known as Dean Winchester on “Supernatural.”

But I digress. The slightly-futuristic (it took place in 2019) “Dark Angel” was predominantly about Alba’s character, Max Guevara, a genetically enhanced super-soldier who has escaped from the government that created her and is using her job as a motorcycle courier to cover for the fact that she spends most of her time searching for her brethren, i.e. the other 11 super-soldiers who escaped with her. She does this with the help of Logan Kale (Weatherly), a.k.a. cyber-journalist “Eyes Only,” whose unparalleled computer skills go a long way toward making up for the fact that he’s paralyzed from the waist down. The series looked great, and having John Savage serve as one of its primary villains (Colonel Donald Michael Lydecker) was inspired, but trying to get the general public to embrace the cyberpunk movement – even the highly diluted version of it that “Dark Angel” offered – was a lost cause. Truth be told, we’re probably lucky that we got as much of the show as we did. If Cameron’s name hadn’t been on it, it probably would’ve been over at the end of Season 1.

13. Kyle XY (ABC Family): Ironically, I’m writing this mere moments after getting word that a copy “Kyle XY: The Final Season” has just been sent my way. Even if you aren’t familiar with the series, you’ll nonetheless have deduced from the appearance of the word “final” in the set’s subtitle that this isn’t a show that came and went within the span of a single season. Yes, “Kyle XY” actually lasted for three seasons, but it was still going strong creatively when ABC Family decided that it just didn’t match up well enough with their other content, like “Greek” or “The Secret Life of the American Teenager.” Now, look, I dig those shows as much as the next thirtysomething who wants to vicariously relive his youth through semi-realistic TV characters, but is that any reason to kill off a great sci-fi melodrama like “Kyle”? No, sir, it is not.

12. The 4400 (USA): If I’m to be completely honest, I’m much more of a fan of this show’s concept that I ultimately was of its execution. When a series kicks off by depositing a group of exactly 4400 people at the foothills of Mount Rainier, each of whom had disappeared at various times from 1946 onward but haven’t aged a moment since then and don’t remember where they’ve been…I mean, damn, how can you not be intrigued? And the premise further expands to reveal that several members of the 4400 have begun to develop paranormal abilities, that’s icing on the cake! But while I loved the episodes which focused on individual members of the group and how they dealt with their return, I wasn’t nearly as enthralled with the ongoing storylines with the regular cast members. Still, when it was good, it was really, really good, and with well over 4300 stories left to be told, I have to imagine that, statistically speaking, there would’ve been quite a bit more sci-fi goodness yet to come.

11. Star Trek: Enterprise (UPN): No series wants to be remembered as the worst in its franchise, but you’d be hard pressed to find any “Star Trek” fan that wouldn’t use that label on “Enterprise.” The concept of stepping back in time to the pre-Kirk era and exploring the origins of Starfleet Command and the United Federation of Planets was unquestionably an intriguing one, but Rick Berman – who took the “Trek” reigns of command when Gene Roddenberry died – seemed insistent on rewriting established canon than putting together a good TV show. So why should such a mediocre series have continued? Because in its 4th season, uber-fans Judith and Garfield Reeves-Stevens came aboard the writing staff and turned things around in a big way, providing tributes to the original series and “The Next Generation” every time you turned around. The ratings didn’t change, though, and “Enterprise” was canceled. Give Berman credit, though: he managed to stab at us from Hell’s heart one last time by offering up an absolutely crap-tacular series finale.

10. New Amsterdam (Fox): When I think of this series, I always think of the panel for the show during the TCA Press Tour, when one of the journalists just absolutely refused to accept that the creators of “New Amsterdam” had never seen “Highlander.” I mean, seriously, it was starting to get ugly. The funny thing, though, is that aside from the fact that the lead character of the series was an immortal, the comparisons really weren’t all that dramatic.

The show was about John Amsterdam (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau), a NYPD homicide detective who’s 400 years old but looks 35. That’s because, way back in 1642, Amsterdam saved the life of a Native American girl, who in turn cast a spell that granted him immortality, with the caveat that his aging would resume when he found his one true love…which was darned nice of her, because, really, no one should have to outlive the love of their life. Though you’d expect the show to spend the majority of its time on Amsterdam’s search for his love, “New Amsterdam” didn’t take the obvious route. Instead, it spent a great deal of its time exploring the long life of its titular character, revealing that he’d been in the Army three times and also did time in the Navy, Marines, and Coast Guard (but not the Air Force, ostensibly due to a fear of heights), served as a doctor during the Civil War, worked for the CIA, taught history, made furniture, and – at some point – became an alcoholic. (He’s been in AA since 1965.)

I’ve never really gotten a handle on why “New Amsterdam” was so disliked by Fox, but it’s clear that it was. It was supposed to have premiered in the fall of 2007, but then they stopped production after the first seven episodes had been completed and proceeded to sit on the series until mid-season; once it finally got on the air, they did very little promotion on it, making it completely unsurprising when they pulled the plug on it. I’m still mystified. Like “Journeyman,” the romantic bent of the show was one which seemed perfect for cross-demographic success, but they never even gave it a chance.

9. The Dresden Files (Sci Fi): As someone who stepped into this series without having read any of the Jim Butcher novels which served as its inspiration, maybe I had an advantage, because fans of the literary franchise seemed to universally hate this adaptation. Me, I thought it was pretty cool. Paul Blackthorne played Harry Dresden as a cocky wizard who helped out the police department with their more eccentric cases, i.e. the ones that would be classified as supernatural if anyone on the force dared to claim a belief in such things, and the series managed to have a decidedly dark tone while still maintaining a sense of humor. But when you kick off a TV series by instantly alienating the majority of the people who made it a success as a book series, you’re pretty much doomed to failure, which is what “The Dresden Files” proved to be.

8. Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles (Fox): Here’s one one that we already detailed elsewhere, but, again, it deserves repeating that, when “The Sarah Connor Chronicles,” it did so far too soon. Season 1 had its highs and lows, but the show’s sophomore year was consistently intriguing throughout, starting with the season premiere and the introduction of Catherine Weaver (Shirley Manson), the co-founder and current CEO of ZeiraCorp…except that, as we discovered immediately prior to the closing credits, she wasn’t actually Catherine Weaver but, indeed, was a shapeshifting T-1001. As the season progressed, however, her physical transformation became less interesting than her emotional evolution, with the T-1001 being forced to maintain the façade of its new identity in its entirety, which required her to raise Catherine’s daughter, Savannah (Mackenzie Smith), and try to understand her. (I have a suspicion that all of the parents in our readership just snorted en masse and said, “Uh, yeah, good luck with that!”)

The T-1001 wasn’t the only Terminator to get a crash course in humanity during Season 2. Cameron (Summer Glau) spent much of the season suffering from a serious chip malfunction, leading her at one point to adopt the approximate memories of future resistance fighter Allison Young, on whom her personality had originally been patterned, but we also saw her interacting outside of the Connor camp; elsewhere, the Terminator formerly known as Cromartie (Garret Dillahunt) had his chip destroyed, but his body was connected to ZeiraCorp’s artificial intelligence known as the Babylon A.I., leading him to take on a new name – John Henry – and leading the series to explore matters of spirituality by querying whether his sentience means that terms like “life” and “death” now apply to him. Oh, right, and there was also some pretty good stuff with the human characters, too.

Sure, there were moments which defied credibility, but when you’re dealing with a show that lives and dies by time travel, suspension of disbelief and acceptance of pretty much everything that’s handed to you is a necessity. Fortunately, executive producer Josh Friedman found a way to combine the necessary technological components of “Terminator” with deep characterization. It seriously sucked that “The Sarah Connor Chronicles” was canceled just as those who’d followed it from the beginning were really feeling rewarded for their steadfast viewership, but it was just insult to injury when “Terminator: Salvation” bombed, taking down any decent chance that the series might be revisited at some point.

7. Miracles (ABC): I feel a little weird about including a show with religious themes in the midst of a list about sci-fi series, but when even the show’s creator – Richard Hatem – is willing to acknowledge that it bounces back and forth between religious phenomena and paranormal phenomena, it’s hard to argue against its place here.

Starring a pre-“Jericho” Skeet Ulrich, “Miracles” introduced viewers to Paul Callan, an investigator of modern miracles for the Catholic Church at the Archdiocese of Boston. Though he’s dealing with the inevitable frustration of disappointing groups of believers each time he investigates and disproves the authenticity of their “miracles,” Paul’s faith is restored after he’s involved in a car accident: not only does he have a first-hand experience with a young boy’s ability to heal, but when his injuries lead to blood spatter on the windshield, he watches in astonishment as his his blood forms the words, “God Is Now Here.” But, wait, hang on: maybe it actually said, “God is Nowhere.”

Either way, these events lead to a schism between Paul and the church when his report on the incidents is dismissed, but he soon crosses paths with Alva Keel (Angus Macfadyen), who propositions him with a job offer at his organisation, Sodalitas Quaerito (“Brotherhood in search of truth”). From there, “Miracles” followed Paul, Alva, and Evelyn Santos (Marisa Ramirez) as they crossed the globe and investigated various phenomena, some less religious than others but all connected to life, death, and the afterlife in some fashion, rather like a spiritual version of “The X-Files.” Unfortunately, the series was manhandled by ABC, running three episodes, then preempting it for three weeks, then moving it all over the schedule. No wonder it never caught on. With that kind of treatment, it would’ve been a miracle if it had.

6. The Middleman (ABC Family): I used to say that the reason this series failed was that ABC Family was the wrong network for it, but when I spoke with the show’s creator, Javier Grillo-Marxuach, he set me straight and assured me that they were the right network. Why? Because they let him do it. “It would have been very easy for any group of people to pick up the show and say, ‘Gosh, we really like the idea of this girl fighting monsters, but can you make her sexier and kind of make the dialogue a little bit more accessible and make the sensibility of the show a little bit more accessible?’” he said. “And to ABC Family’s credit, they never asked me to do that.” When you go back and watch the show from start to finish (which is easy to do, what with Shout Factory having released a complete-series set), you really get a feel for the kind of freedom that Grillo-Marxuach was granted, but it still must be said that “The Middleman” might have been better served in the ratings if it had aired on a network that more readily catered to unabashed geeks. Or, then again, maybe it wouldn’t have. Given that the dialogue flies fast and furious, like a Kevin Smith movie on speed, and the amount of science fiction and fantasy concepts thrown at the viewer are only matched by the number of references to science fiction and fantasy movies and TV series, maybe it was always destined to be a future cult series.

5. Journeyman (NBC): What’s this? Another “Bullz-Eye” favorite? Certainly, several of us on the staff were thrilling to the weekly adventures of reporter Dan Vasser (Kevin McKidd) as he involuntarily traveled through time, doing so as much to see the next cool set piece – I particularly loved it when he was on a smoke-filling flight during the 1970s – as to find out how his unexpected disappearances and impossible-to-predict returns would wreak havoc on his life in the present. It was also unique for a sci-fi series in that it was unabashedly romantic, with Dan trying to reconcile his love for his wife in the present (Gretchen Egolf) with the revelation that his former fiancee (Moon Bloodgood), who he’d believed to be dead, was actually alive, well, and a fellow time traveler.

I talked to producer Kevin Falls at a point when the fate of “Journeyman” was in limbo, and he was understandably frustrated at the way the network was treating the series, even if he understood that they obviously had more stake in saving the shows that were produced by NBC-Universal. (“Journeyman” was a Fox production.) When I pitched the idea of moving from series to movie, a la “Firefly,” he was enthusiastic but realistic about the suggestion. “I would do anything to keep this show alive,” he said. “If there was interest and somebody wanted to make a movie, nothing would make me happier. But I have to be realistic: Joss Whedon had quite a following, and I don’t know that Kevin Falls has quite that following.” Unfortunately, it appears that he was right: not only was “Journeyman” canceled, but it wasn’t even released on DVD after its cancellation.

4. Reaper (The CW): I think this cancellation hurt more folks at Bullz-Eye than any other in this list. It’s a bold statement, but when you look back at our TV Power Rankings, you’ll see that I’m not kidding. Of course, its success there is probably – but not definitely – why got it canceled, but, dammit, we had to show our love. The trifecta of slackers in “Reaper” were great, but let’s not kid ourselves: as much as we laughed at their antics, it was Ray Wise who kept us coming back every week. It’s a crime that that man never got an Emmy nomination for his work as the Devil. Series creators Michele Fazekas and Tara Butters had a lot of battles with The CW about their desire to expand on the mythology of the show (the network, as is so often the case, was more comfortable with self-contained episodes), and given that the duo had departed by the end of the show’s second season, it’s a fair bet that Season 3 wouldn’t have been the same “Reaper” that we’d come to know and love, anyway. But, man, we sure would like it if Fazekas and Butters could find the backing to do a “Reaper” movie…and we have it on good authority that Bret Harrison and Tyler Labine would be back in a flash. So what are you waiting for, Hollywood? Let’s get moving on this thing!

3. Firefly (Fox): I feel like the majority of what I might have to say about this series has probably already been said somewhere within Bob Westal’s love letter to Joss Whedon’s best work of the 2000s…and if Bob himself didn’t say it, then surely one of the folks who commented on it did. Still, I’ll go ahead and throw in my two cents worth and reconfirm that, yes, the idea of a Western set in space was indeed a wonderful one…and it would’ve worked, too, if it wasn’t for those pesky network executives at Fox. As someone who literally grew up in the world of television (his father, Tom Whedon, was one of the original writers for “Captain Kangaroo” and went on to serve as the head writer of “The Electric Company”), Whedon tried to kick it old-school with “Firefly” by starting things off with a two-hour pilot to set the stage for the series. Fox, however, decided it would be a better move to just dump viewers into the deep end and had the series debut with the second episode instead. I think we all know how well that plan worked.

“Firefly” was set in the 2500s and offered a less than upbeat look into the future, suggesting that, although technology had reached a point where gravity-drive engines made travel beyond our solar system possible, things were pretty tough all over. Earth’s population was such that people pretty much had to leave the planet if they wanted to survive, but while terraforming had allowed humanity to set up colonies on many different planets, their existence tended toward the rough-and-tumble, not unlike America’s wild west during the late 1800s. As such, Whedon took several stereotypes of the era – cowboy, preacher, hooker with the heart of gold, blacksmith, doctor, and even stagecoach driver – and tweaked them to fit his new premise. Nathan Fillion’s performance as Captain Mal was such a career-defining role that he spent seven years trying to find another one that worked as well for him (you can bet that he kissed the sky when he got word that “Castle” had received a second-season pick-up), and Summer Glau’s creepy vibe while playing the troubled River was no doubt directly responsible for earning her the later role as a Terminator on “The Sarah Connor Chronicles,” but like Whedon’s other shows, the whole ensemble played well together from the start. “Firefly” had enough of a following to move from cancellation to the silver screen, but while the odds of ever seeing a sequel to “Serenity” are pretty slim, hey, it’s more of an afterlife than any other show on this list had.

2. Invasion (ABC): More love for another favorite of the Power Rankings. The premise of the show, more or less, was that a race of aliens had begun their takeover of Earth by slowly infiltrating the residents of a small town and possessing them…or bonding with them…or maybe they replaced them altogether but just retained their memories. I can’t quite recall – it’s been a fair while since I’ve revisited the series – but I’m not entirely sure that re-screening all 22 episodes would necessarily provide me with a definitive answer. There were a lot of mysteries lurking within “Invasion,” and creator Shaun Cassidy had big plans to considerably expand upon the mythos of the series in future seasons, but, as we know, he never got that opportunity.

“Invasion” was, at its heart, a show about family. You’ve got Sheriff Tom Underlay (William Fichtner), whose wife, Mariel (Kari Matchett), is the ex-wife of park ranger Russell Varon (Eddie Sibrian); Tom has a daughter from his first marriage (Alexis Dziena), and Mariel and Russell have a daughter (Ariel Gade) and a son (Evan Peters), plus Russell is remarried, and he and his wife Larkin (Lisa Sheridan) – who’s expecting – live with Larkin’s brother, Dave (Tyler Labine), an amiable conspiracy nut who regularly blogs about his theories…which, yes, include the possibility of alien invasion. Yes, the show had its faults, most notably an insistence on spending too much time on teen angst, but as the season progressed, “Invasion” evolved into must-see sci-fi TV. The concept that the aliens weren’t always successful in their attempts to possess their human hosts was an intriguing one, as was the question posited as the series progressed: what if an alien race wanted to infiltrate Earth but their ranks were divided on how to go about it? Unfortunately, this mystery and all of the others within “Invasion” remain unsolved.

1. Threshold (CBS): Dr. Molly Anne Caffrey (Carla Gugino) is a crisis management consultant for the US government who gets a major surprise when her worst-case-scenario plan for what to do in case of an alien invasion is activated. Pulls together a team of experts, including microbiologist Dr. Nigel Fenway (Brent Spiner, “Star Trek: The Next Generation”), linguist Arthur Ramsey (Peter Dinklage, “The Station Agent”), and aerospace engineer Lucas Pegg (Robert Patrick Benedict, “Felicity”), the group begin to investigate the aliens in order find out if they’re hostile or not. Hey, guess what? They totally are! Produced by Brandon Braga and David S. Goyer, both possessing seriously strong sci-fi backgrounds (“Star Trek” and “Blade,” respectively), “Threshold” did a really good job of building the histories of the characters, exploring the aliens and making them legitimately terrifying, and, perhaps most intriguingly, presenting a realistic view of how the government would probably handle such a situation, with various senators being let in on the top-secret organization out of necessity so that funding would continue. Although the series only lasted for 13 episodes, “Threshold” had actually been designed for three specific plot arcs, with its creators planning to change the title accordingly for each: “Threshold” was meant to indicate that the aliens had made contact, and from there it would’ve moved on to the self-explanatory “Foothold,” followed by “Stranglehold,” wherein the aliens would’ve overthrown the indigenous population – that’d be us – and become the overlords.

With such an awesome cast and a solid creative team, it’s still shocking to me that the series never took off, especially when you consider that, while it certainly maintained regularly-progressing plotlines, “Threshold” had an arguable advantage over the rest of these series by not ending each episode with a cliffhanger…or, in other words, you could miss an episode and not be completely and totally lost the next time you tuned in. Maybe the problem came from the tussle between the network and the show’s creative team. “It was always intended to be a serialized show,” said Goyer in a 2009 interview with Bullz-Eye. “Once we got going into the series, (CBS) wanted episodes to be more closed ended. And they have had a lot of success with that, but we hadn’t really designed it for that, so it felt like we were stalling…and I think the audience unfortunately sensed that as well.” That’s just the sort of thing you’d expect a frustrated creator to say, and you can’t blame him, but the potential for the show was so tremendous that it never occurred to me that they were stalling. I just thought they were just building anticipation.

Back in 2005, Bullz-Eye kicked off a regularly-recurring feature that’s become a staple of our site: the TV Power Rankings, which gives us a chance to offer up our opinions once every six months on the best that television has to offer. Now that we’re looking back at the entire decade in our TV in the 2000s feature, however, it gave us an opportunity to look back at all of the shows that have appeared within the Rankings over the course of its history, and when we did, it was a little eyebrow-raising to see how many of our favorite programs bit the dust almost immediately after receiving accolades from us. We’re pretty sure their cancellations weren’t our fault…or, at least, not entirely. Anyway, take a look back through the list with us, won’t you? If nothing else, it shows that we’ve got good taste, even if the average viewer doesn’t always share our opinions.

1. Arrested Development (Fox, 2003 – 2006) – “Even if this is indeed the end for one of Fox’s all time greatest shows, it is better to have loved and lost…oh, the hell with that, Fox is freaking nuts if they cancel this show.” So said David Medsker in February 2006. But did they listen to him? They did not. “We’re not ones to buy into the whole dumbing-down-of-society thing,” Medsker added, “but if this show gets canned while ‘According to Jim’ lives on, maybe there’s something to it after all.” Oh, yeah, there’s definitely something to it: “According to Jim” stayed on the air until June 2009.

2. Deadwood (HBO, 2004 – 2006) – When it was announced that Season 3 would be the last for the semi-historical look at the wild west, there was really only one name that John Paulsen could call the folks at HBO. We probably shouldn’t use it here, but if you need a hint, it starts with a “C” and rhymes with “sock pluckers.” “Everything about the show – the language, the acting, the story, the sets and the costumes – is colorful,” Paulsen observed in February 2007, “and whether or not HBO wants to admit it, they’re going to miss ‘Deadwood’ once it’s gone for good.” They must’ve been in some serious denial, then: creator David Milch reportedly agreed to do a proper wrap-up of the series through a pair of “Deadwood” movies” for the network, but things never really got beyond the discussion stage.

3. Invasion (ABC, 2005 – 2006) – The fall of 2005 was a good time in prime time for sci-fi fans, with each of the big three networks offering up an entry from the genre, but by the spring of 2006, their cheers had turned to tears. NBC’s “Surface” was permanently submerged after 15 episodes, while CBS’s “Threshold” crossed the point of no return after only nine episodes had aired. Give ABC some credit, however, for at least sticking with their entry for the full 22. “’Invasion’ started slowly, but has steadily ramped up the creepiness,” said John Paulsen in February ’06, acknowledging that, although it gave its audience lots of questions, at least it was providing them with more answers than “Lost” was. Unfortunately, there was still plenty to be answered when the show was canceled, and things got even more depressing when Tyler Labine talked to Bullz-Eye about what might’ve been. “(Creator Shaun Cassidy) had written this bible for the show, and he had written this amazing five-season arc,” said Labine. “We were just floored. Our jaws were literally on the floor after he explained it to us. We were, like, ‘Wow, we’re on for a really great ride!’” What a shame for us all that the ride ended as quickly as it did.

4. Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip (NBC, 2005 – 2006) – Well, you can’t say that we weren’t honest about offering up both the pros and the cons of Aaron Sorkin’s behind-the-scenes look into a late-night comedy series. “The show is pompous, unrealistic and ridiculously left-wing,” admitted Jason Zingale in February 2007, “but it also makes for some damn good television.” Unfortunately, with an awful lead-in – seriously, who thought that pairing the show with “Heroes” was a good idea? – “Studio 60” didn’t develop enough of a following to earn a second season.

5. Rome (HBO, 2005 – 2007) – In its first season, “Rome” turned up at #18 in the Power Rankings, but by the time Season 2 aired, it had leapt to #6. Not that such success earned the show a third season (it was apparently ridiculously expensive to produce, which you can absolutely believe if you’ve ever seen it, but at least the news of its cancellation came in time for John Paulsen to register his annoyance within the February 2007 Rankings. “As it turns out, ‘Rome’ isn’t the heir to the throne of ‘The Sopranos,’” he wrote. “Instead, sadly, it’s a bastard stepchild, just like ‘Deadwood.’” Creator Bruno Heller was probably even more pissed than Paulsen, having mapped out his vision of the series all the way through its fifth season, but as recently as December 2008, Heller was still sounding optimistic about the chances for a “Rome” movie. “I would love to round that show off,” he told the Hollywood Reporter. Hey, we’re behind you 100%, Bruno.

6. Four Kings (NBC, 2006) – If you don’t remember this sitcom, you’re forgiven, as it premiered in January 2006 and was gone by March. Still, it made enough of an impression to earn Honorable Mention status in the February 2006 rankings. “Four Kings” was created by David Kohan and Max Mutchnick, the duo behind “Will and Grace,” and featured Seth Green as one of its cast members, so you might think it surprising that it was off the air within seven episodes (and with a remaining six episodes still unaired). Looking back, however, the fact that the greatest praise Jason Zingale could heap upon the show in his write-up was that “it’s a worthy quick-fix until NBC finds a better alternative” should’ve given us a clue that it wasn’t long for this world.

7. Jericho (CBS, 2006 – 2008) – It was the little show that could, our “Jericho.” It started with an awesomely dark premise – a nuclear bomb goes off in the U.S., and we view the repercussions through the eyes of a small town in Kansas – and, after figuring out its direction (the attempts to meld some “Little House on the Prairie” aspects to the show were soon phased out), the series found its footing, kicked some creative ass, and was promptly canceled. But what’s this…? The show’s diehard fanbase made enough noise (and sent enough nuts) to get the show a 7-episode second season which lived up to everyone’s expectations and then some. Too bad the same couldn’t be said for the ratings, but those who actually tuned in for Season 2 know how many twists, turns, and outright shocks it included. There’s still talk of a possible “Jericho” movie. We can only hope.

8. Journeyman (NBC, 2007 – 2008) – Ross Ruediger acknowledged in November 2007 that everything from “Back to the Future” and “Quantum Leap” to “Somewhere in Time” and “The Time Traveler’s Wife” could be seen as inspirations for this series, but he assured readers that “its brilliance lies in its ability to grab from wherever and cohesively bring it all back around into a series that delivers something special every week.” Despite Ruediger’s contention that the show “continually demonstrates the potential to become a classic sci-fi/romance series for the books,” the combination of so-so ratings and the curse of being produced by another studio (20th Century Fox) resulted in NBC deciding against a second season.

9. Dirty Sexy Money (ABC, 2007 – 2009) – It could’ve been a throwback to the glory days of “Dynasty,” but with a cast including Donald Sutherland, Peter Krause, and Jill Clayburgh, the series quickly evolved into something more substantial. “At first glance, it seemed the foibles of the rich and powerful Darling family would strictly be seen through the eyes of their comparatively ‘normal’ attorney, Nick George, and we’d all have a good laugh at how out of touch they were from the real world,” I wrote in November 2007. “Gradually, however, we’re reminded that, although we’re still in the gutter, the Darlings are looking at the same stars we are.” Although the series survived the writer’s strike to return for a second season, the ratings were such that, at the end of December 2008, it was pulled from the schedule. By the time it returned, it had already been canceled, making the season / series ending cliffhanger all the more cruel.

10. Pushing Daisies (ABC, 2007 – 2009) – Anyone who can appreciate a show about a piemaker who can bring people back from the dead can surely also appreciate the irony that, with such a strange premise, its days were always going to be numbered. Indeed, John Paulsen acknowledged as much in November 2007, but he was still optimistic, praising the shows cinematography, sets, and costumes, then observing that “’Pushing Daisies’ debuted to strong ratings and seems to be doing just fine.” And so it was, right up until the writer’s strike, which derailed it and every other series that had been gathering momentum. Once it returned, things were never quite the same, which Paulsen acknowledged in November 2008, bemoaning, “It has pretty much devolved into a weekly procedural format that lacks the compelling season-long storylines that made the first season so much fun.” Why do I suspect that the changes were the result of ABC wanting the series to be more accessible? If that was indeed the case, then it sure as hell backfired.

11. Reaper (The CW, 2007 – 2009) – Best pilot episode of the decade? If not, it’s certainly on the short list of contenders. A show about three slackers working as demon bounty hunters for Satan may have sounded like a dude’s version of “Buffy the Vampire Slayer,” but many nonbelievers were swayed over to the “Reaper” camp by the deliciously devilish performance of Ray Wise as Lucifer himself. The series had a few creative struggles in its first season, but Bob Westal assured readers, “There’s plenty of room here for seasons more of good-natured deviltry.” Indeed, when it returned for Season 2, he confirmed that “the travails of Sam Oliver remain a highly reliable source of big laughs and an occasional thrill,” adding that “’Reaper’ has done a fabulous job of balancing emotion with comic timing and spook-hunting slapstick.” And how was it rewarded for these successes? With cancellation, of course.

12. Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles (Fox, 2007 – 2009) – A “Terminator” TV series? Surely the third movie killed the franchise dead, no? Well, you’d think so, but John Paulsen wrote of “The Sarah Connor Chronicles” in November 2007, “the series has accomplished a major feat: overcoming the skepticism of both critics and fans and being able to translate the ‘Terminator’ story to a serialized format.” It still gave people headaches with all of its back-and-forth time travel, of course, but once you put on your Suspension of Disbelief hat, you realized that show runner Josh Friedman and company had found a way to combine the necessary technological components of the ‘Terminator’ mythos with deep characterization. When Fox canceled the show at the end of Season 2, it seemed like an inexplicable move. “Why drop the show just as you’ve got a new ‘Terminator’ movie coming out?” we wondered. “Surely it can only help the series!” And then we saw the movie and understood: Poor “Sarah” never had a chance at salvation.

13. Life on Mars (ABC, 2008 – 2009) – Talk about a show that was doomed from the start…and we’re not even talking about the retooling that the series went through in its early stages, when it was originally going to be helmed by David E. Kelley. No, the problem with “Life on Mars” is that it was an American adaptation of a much beloved British series, and the majority of the fans of the original version steadfastly refused to watch the new version. The show’s premise (a cop gets knocked unconscious in 2009 and wakes up in 1973) was already going to result in an uphill ratings battle, but take those who would ordinarily be its core audience out of the picture, and…well, here we are back where we started. If there’s any good thing to be said about the cancelation of “Life on Mars,” it’s that the producers had enough advance notice about their fate to actually write an ending. Of course, half the fans hated it, but, hey, it’s the thought that counts, right?

14. Dollhouse (Fox, 2009) – Well, really, what did we expect from a show that was dogged by rumors before it even premiered that Fox had no particular love for it? Granted, after “Firefly,” we’d come to expect that sort of thing, but when “Dollhouse” came slowly out of the gate, we never expected to see a Season 2. But the show’s creative direction shaped up quickly, leading David Medsker to declared in February 2009, “With crack supporting players Harry Lennix and Olivia Williams providing ballast, some remarkable visuals, and numerous creepy/thought-provoking ideas, we think ‘Dollhouse’ has earned our support.” To our surprise, Fox actually renewed the series, but their support didn’t last long: just before we went to press with the November 2009 Power Rankings, the plug was officially pulled. In his write-up / obituary for the show, Medsker made no attempt to deny the flaws of “Dollhouse,” but he spoke for many when he said of the series, “We may not have always loved it, but that won’t stop us from watching until the very end.”

15. Kings (NBC, 2009) – NBC shot its own program in the foot when it offered a panel for “Kings” at the fall TCA tour in 2008 without having a pilot for them to screen first. If you’ve never seen the series, trust us: it’s kind of hard to explain. The scope of “Kings” was downright epic, often nearing Shakespearean proportions, but as I wrote in April 2009, “the characters had depth, and the actors portraying them – including Ian McShane, Dylan Baker, Christopher Egan, Eamonn Walker, Sebastian Stan and Susanna Thompson – offered performances which lived up to the show’s lofty goals.” If “Kings” had been on FX, it would probably still be on the air, but NBC offered the series little opportunity to build an audience, quickly moving it from Sunday night to…ugh…Saturday. This was, as I wrote at the time, “the equivalent of a doctor saying, ‘I’m sorry, but there’s nothing more we can do,’ and removing life support.” The only credit the network deserves is for releasing the complete series on DVD, and since it was surely only done as a cost-recouping maneuver, they probably don’t even deserve that.

1. The Addams Family, “Halloween with the Addams Family”: The Addams family are all busy preparing for their favorite holiday, but their celebration is bolstered by a pair of bank robbers…one of whom is played by Don Rickles…who they welcome as trick-or-treaters.

2. The Andy Griffith Show, “The Haunted House”: Maybe it isn’t officially a Halloween episode, but it first aired in October 1963, and it focuses on Barney and Gomer trying to retrieve a baseball from a supposedly haunted house and finding some strange goings on inside. As far as I’m concerned, that’s close enough for jazz.

3. Angel, “Life of the Party”: Lorne throws a Halloween party for all the firm’s clients and employees, but during the gathering, his advice to his friends starts happening literally: Fred and Wesley get drunk after Lorne tells them to loosen up, Spike and Harmony dance the night away, Angel and Eve do the horizontal bop, and, Gunn, uh, relieves himself after being told to “stake out his territory.” Good times.

4. Beavis and Butthead, “Butt-o-ween”: It starts simply enough, with the guys trying to master the concept of trick or treating, first without costumes, then wearing Beavis’s “monkey sheets” and going as ghosts. Eventually, however, Beavis + Halloween candy = Cornholio. The equation was ever thus, and here it leads to a quest for more candy…and, y’know, some T.P. for his bunghole.

Bevis and Butt-head-Butt-O-Ween

Dreamer Neverending | MySpace Video

5. Beverly Hills 90210, “Halloween”: The stock line is that Halloween costumes allow a woman to bring out her inner slut, and when the gang from West Beverly goes to a Halloween party, Kelly’s seductive costume leads a college student to translate “no” as “yes.” It’s absolutely inexcusable, of course, but – whew! – you can’t say she doesn’t make an impression. Meanwhile, Brenda and Dylan go as Bonnie and Clyde, Steve is Zorro, and Donna comes as a mermaid, a move which seriously hinders her dance moves.

Watch the episode at CBS.com!

6. The Big Bang Theory, “The Middle Earth Paradigm”: Penny throws a great Halloween party, and she makes a pretty kitty, too, but it’s hard to top the meeting of the four Flashes.

7. Bones, “The Mummy in the Maze”: Booth and Brennan are called in to investigate after the mummified remains of a teenage girl are found in a Halloween-themed maze. Then the mummified remains of another teenage girl are found at a Halloween amusement park funhouse. Basically, when the team finds out a third teenage girl is missing, they realize that they’ve got an Oct. 31st deadline. But who am I kidding? The best bit about this episode is seeing Emily Deschanel filling out a Wonder Woman costume.

8. Boston Legal, “Witches of Mass Destruction”: Shirley and Denise represent two groups of parents – one Christian, the other Wiccan – who are suing to get rid of a school’s Halloween pageant, specifically because of the witch involved. The Christians feel their faith is being marginalized by a satanic symbol, and the Wiccans claim that Halloween images stereotype them. If this sounds like heavy stuff, don’t worry: the sight of William Shatner and James Spader dressed as pink flamingos does wonders to lighten the mood.

9. Buffy the Vampire Slayer, “Halloween”: Damn that Ethan Rayne! This was the first appearance of Rupert Giles’s nemesis within the Buffy-verse, and the contents of his costume shop led the Scoobies to become that which they were dressed as…which is to say that Willow became a real ghost, the gun Xander bought combined with his existing military fatigues to grant him valuable military knowledge, and Buffy’s beautiful 18th century dress makes her think that she’s actually from the 18th century. Bonus points for the Oz / Willow storyline (“Who is that girl?”), even if we now know that their relationship was doomed from the start.

10. Curb Your Enthusiasm, “Trick or Treat”: Are you kidding me? One of the world’s great curmudgeons has to deal with a bunch of punk trick-or-treaters who turn up at his door without costumes and demand candy. You know it’s comedy gold.

11. Everybody Hates Chris, “Everybody Hates Halloween”: One of the most underrated sitcoms of the ’00s offered up a classic Halloween episode in its first season, where Chris is asked by his mother to accompany his siblings while they “trick or treat” on Halloween. Later, when Drew is invited to a party by Keisha, Chris goes in his place, dressed as Prince. Meanwhile, Julius buys inexpensive generic brands of candy – you know, like Two Musketeers?…which leads to a counterattack from Rochelle. Unfortunately, the episode isn’t available online, but at least YouTube has a couple of clips. The first one shows off Julius’s cheap-ass candy choices…

…but, unfortunately, I can’t embed the second one, which shows off Chris’s Prince costume, so you’ll have to click here to see it.

12. Freaks and Geeks, “Tricks or Treats”: In the great transition from child to teenager, there are few losses greater than that of the rite of trick or treating, so you can understand why Sam kind of freaks out and decides to go out and score one last haul of Halloween candy. As with most Halloween episodes, just seeing the characters getting into their costumes is half the fun (especially when a concerned Neal looks in the mirror and muses, “Looking for Chaplin, only seeing Hitler”), but there’s also an equally classic subplot with Lindsay getting involved in the dark side of the holiday: vandalism.

13. Friends, “The One with the Halloween Party”: Hey, Monica’s throwing a Halloween party! Highlights: Joey does his impeccable Chandler impression, Chandler gets stuck in a giant pink bunny costume for the night (thanks for nothing, Mon), a pregnant Rachel gives all the candy away to the first little girl who says, “I love you,” Ross dresses as Spud-nik, and Phoebe finds herself torn about whether or not she should tell her twin sister’s fiancee (played by Sean Penn) how awful a person Ursula really is.

14. Home Improvement, “Crazy for You”: Annual Halloween episodes were a staple of this Tim Allen sitcom, but if you have to pick just one for inclusion, this one – where Jill gets revenge on Tim for years of pranks – is probably your best bet. It all starts when Tim gets cookies from a fan named Rose, who starts calling him. Stalker alert…? We’ll never tell. But we will say that it probably couldn’t hurt if Tim watched his back.

15. How I Met Your Mother, “Slutty Pumpkin”: It was four years ago…oh, wait, I don’t want to ruin Ted’s story if you haven’t heard it yet, but this first-ever Halloween episode for the series features a storyline which, knowing this show, still has significant potential to come back into play in a future episode. (Creators Carter Bays and Craig Thomas have never been afraid to loop back and reference past scenes.) Lily and Marshall have some awesome couple costumes – one in the present, one in flashback – and what a surprise: Robin isn’t couple-y enough to follow her new boyfriend’s lead and go with his idea of dressing up as Hansel and Gretel. That’s almost as not-shocking as Barney’s costume. Wait, was that devil outfit a costume?

16. Little House on the Prairie, “The Monster of Walnut Grove”: I have “Little House on the Prairie: The Complete Series” sitting on my shelf, and I’m not afraid to admit it. Why? Because if I never watch a single other episode, at least I’ll forever have access to this one, which completely creeped me out when I was a kid and, frankly, still does even now. I never did trust Mr. Oleson…

17. M*A*S*H, “Trick or Treatment”: There’s an oft-repeated blanket statement that the last few seasons of “M*A*S*H” were too damned serious for their own good, which is a fair cop, but they still managed to slip a classic in once in awhile, and this one definitely qualifies. Everyone’s decked out in their Halloween best – Hawkeye is Superman, B.J.’s a clown, Margaret a geisha girl, Colonel Potter a cowboy, and Klinger’s Al Capone – but the arrival of more wounded causes an end to the celebration. Best remembered for two moments: one funny (Winchester helps George Wendt get a billiard ball out of his mouth), one serious (Father Mulcahy saves a life when he realizes that a supposedly dead soldier has shed a tear).

18. My So-Called Life, “Halloween”: Angela takes a long, strange trip back to 1963 for Halloween, and Graham and Patty get Medevial on your asses, but this is still very much a definitively ’90s show, as evidenced by Rayanne showing Angela the Rolling Stone cover declaring Kurt Cobain’s death at one point. Some say this is the weakest episode of the series’ brief run, but I say that, merely by being an episode of “My So-Called Life,” it’s a must-see nonetheless.

19. NCIS, “Chimera”: I don’t mean to undercut this episode by writing very little about it, but when it comes down to it, you only need a mere two words to explain why it’s a must-see: ghost ship.

20. NewsRadio, “Halloween”: Joe may say that the whole point of Halloween and the holiday’s associated parties is to sit in the corner and make fun of all the dorks wearing costumes…and, yes, this is where you’d insert a joke about Matthew’s gay biker costume from last year (“The label clearly said ‘motorcycle enthusiast'”)… but, as Dave rightly points out, “An open bar really rekindles the childhood spirit.” Obviously, the gag about Bill McNeal learning the date of his death from a psychic isn’t as funny now as it was then, but, really, you can’t go wrong with any “NewsRadio” episode from the Phil Hartman era. That this is a Halloween episode is really just a bonus.

21. Night Court, “Safe”: The title comes courtesy of Judge Stone, who – while practicing an escape act for his Halloween party magic act – accidentally locks himself inside a safe and nearly suffocates to death, but Dan Fielding has the best plot line, selling his soul for $100 to a man in a devil costume but then getting antsy when the guy seems to know way too much about him. Sure, it’s funny, but it’d be a whole lot scarier if we hadn’t already seen Dan do dozens of things during the previous four seasons that’d get anybody consigned to Hell.

22. The Office, “Halloween”: Is there any better time to lay someone off than All Hallow’s Eve? Talk about the perfect day to give someone a scare. But who to let go? “It’s not a popularity contest,” admits Michael. “Although it does makes sense to fire the least popular, because it has the least effect on morale.” There are some classic costumes on display, including Kelly as Dorothy from “The Wizard of Oz,” but if you’ve only seen Dwight’s Joker attire from last year’s Halloween episode, then you absolutely need to go back and see him rockin’ the Darth Schrute look.

23. Reaper, “Leon”: Even as great as this series already was, there is no show that can’t be made at least 75% better by a guest appearance from Patton Oswalt, who plays a demon with a gun for an arm. Sure, he spends half the episode trapped in a snow globe, but even when he’s in there, we still get to hear his voice. Oswalt totally dug the experience of “getting to work with those actors, all of whom are so cool and really intelligent,” though he admitted that they were all bummed because they’d just gotten word that The CW had declared that, instead of crafting a mythology and doling it out in a serialized fashion, the producers were to stick to a more self-contained episodic format. In closing, allow me to offer my most profound apologies that the only available clips of the episode are found within a CW-sponsored recap that’s totally tainted by a complete douche named Jason C.

24. Roseanne, “Boo!”: The first in a long line of Halloween episodes for the series, which may be why it feels like the freshest of the bunch. Parents will enjoy watching Dan and Roseanne torture their kids with a claim about a psycho neighbor who escaped from the mental institution, whereas husbands and wives will enjoy battle of parks between the two of them. Dan may well be “the master,” as he claims throughout the episode, but only Roseanne would utter a line like, “Now clean up this blood and finish your breakfast,”

25. Route 66, “Lizard’s Leg and Owlet’s Wing”: This suggestion comes to us courtesy of Bob Westal, and although this was the first I’d heard of it, now I feel like I need to head to Netflix so that I can see it. It’s a pretty flimsy premise – Tod and Buz are working as guest liaisons at a motel just outside of Chicago where Boris Karloff, Lon Chaney Jr. and Peter Lorre are meeting to discuss whether the old monster costumes they used in films will still scare a TV audience today – but the idea of seeing the three horror icons together is really all you need, anyway.

26. Saturday Night Live, “Host: Donald Pleasance, Musical Guest: Fear”: This episode is historic even before the theme song plays, as the cold opening features the final appearance of John Belushi on “SNL” (all he does is look into a mirror and raise his eyebrows, but it’s more than enough to elicit a roar of approval from the studio audience), but in addition to having an icon from the original “Halloween” franchise hosting the show, Fear brought more punk to the show than has ever been seen before or since, including a mosh pit full of skinhead slam-dancers. According to Dennis Perrin’s book, “Mr. Mike: The Life and Work of Michael O’Donoghue”…

During the slow, opening chords of ‘Beef Baloney,’ the skinheads stirred at the front of the stage, ready to explode. When the band broke open at high speed, the slamming, diving, stomping, and shoving commenced with a vengeance. Fear played a set of three songs during which band members dodged and at times collided with the dancers. Lead singer Lee Ving dove into the frenzied crowd while bodies spilled across the stage, the action oddly in sync with Fear’s driving rhythm. It all seemed to be taking place in an abandoned warehouse on teh edge of town rather than in the confines of NBC. “SNL”‘s traditional music segment was thus beautifully vandalized in front of millions of onlookers.

O’Donoghue was elated. Now this, he felt, was good television. (Producer Dick) Ebersol, however, was sickened by the sight before him. At the peak of the action he crouched near the skinheads and tried to direct their movements, but to no avail. Someone yelled “New York sucks!” into a microphone that had fallen to the stage, and Ebersol raced to the control room and ordered a fade to black. As Fear launched into “Let’s Have a War” and a dancer was about to smash the show’s Halloween pumpkin, the mikes went dead and a short film filled the screen. In the studio, Fear ceased playing at the skinheads walked off the set. Ebersol remained angry and reportedly raged in the control room. But for sheer drama, nothing could top the New York Post, which ran an item the following Tuesday in which “inside” sources spoke of “a riot, mindless, out-of-control destruction of property,” and other horrors. “This was a life-threatening situation,” said a source. “They went crazy. It’s amazing that no one was killed.” Ebersol responded swiftly and seriously to the Post’s fabrications, but O’Donoghue simply laughed away the negative reaction to Fear. “They’re just a band like the Carpenters,” he said.

I’ve read about this episode for years, but I’ve never actually seen it, so if you know of anyone who has a copy that they’d be willing to dub for me, just leave your contact info in the comments. Yes, seriously.

27. The Simpsons, “Treehouse of Horror III”: Really, you could go with any of the early ‘Treehouse’ episodes, and we’ll gladly admit that the industry standard is probably #5, what with the “Shining” parody and Homer’s time-traveling mishaps, but #3 has the classic “King Kong” spoof (“King Homer”), an imminently quotable riff on zombie flicks that’s capped off with a joke at television’s expense (“Man fall down. Funny.”), and the hilarious “Clown without Pity.” (“Help, Marge! The doll’s trying to kill me, and the toaster’s been laughing at me!”) If it ain’t the best, it’s as good as.

28. South Park, “Korn’s Groovy Pirate Mystery”: Best Scooby Doo parody ever…well, except for “Night of the Living Doo,” that is…and one of the few legitimate excuses for liking Korn. The only possible competition for this episode within the “South Park” canon is “Spookyfish,” but while it earns bonus points for its “Star Trek” parody, the “Spooky Vision” concept – which involves putting pictures of Barbra Streisand at the bottom corners of the screen – is less funny than just distracting.

Watch the episode at SouthParkStudios.com!

29. Square Pegs, “Halloween XII”: The Halloween dance gets canceled when Muffy spends the entire budget on decorations, so an alternative plan is brought into play: a slumber party at Ms. Loomis’ house. (Too bad nobody told Mrs. Loomis.) Patty and Lauren decide to attend, but when the night is crashed by a few members of the opposite sex, it all goes downhill. “Great, now we’re being seen by an actual boy in these nightgowns,” says a horrified Lauren. “Will the horror of this evening never end?” asks Patty. Take a tip from Stanley the Safety Elephant: you won’t want to miss this one.

30. That ‘70s Show, “Too Old to Trick or Treat, Too Young to Die”: Great Jethro Tull reference in the title, but this is mostly a tribute to Alfred Hitchcock, including unabashed homages to “Rear Window”, “Vertigo”, “The Birds”, “North By Northwest,” and “Psycho.” Shame about having to see Fez dressed in Dr. Frank N. Furter’s old lingerie, though.

31. Two and a Half Men, “Hi, Mr. Horned One”: Charlie’s Satan-worshiping girlfriend has a knack for the supernatural and seems to be the cause of some strange happenings around the Harper house. Shockingly, Charlie at first ignores Alan’s suggestions that he get rid of her…not that you can blame Alan for making them, given that she’s threatened to put a curse on his manhood…but he begins to change his tune when she tries to blackmail him to impregnate her with “the horned one.” Even if you’re not a big fan of the show, this is definitely a classic episode, with Jake coming within an inch of selling his soul for some candy, Evelyn’s true identity at last revealed, and a money shot of the guys’ costumes to wrap it all up.