Never has the title of a movie said so much with so few words than “Feast II: Sloppy Seconds,” the clumsily made direct-to-DVD sequel to the 2006 cult film. Whereas the original “Feast” worked because it so boldly defied horror conventions (both in plot and tone), the second installment is an unequivocal failure because it falls right back into them. It’s the morning after the attack and the monsters have already begun to invade a nearby town. Some of the locals (including a tag team of midget wrestlers, a sleazy car dealer, his slutty wife, and the man she’s having an affair with) have bunkered themselves inside of a building, while Honey Pie (one of the original survivors) is disappointed to discover her nightmare is far from over. Meanwhile, Harley Mom’s twin sister, Biker Queen, pulls the old bartender out from the wreckage looking for answers. When he tells her that it’s Bozo who was responsible for her death, she takes the bartender hostage and heads to town with her all-girl biker gang to seek revenge.
How the bartender is still alive after having a heart attack and having his throat slit is beyond me, but it probably has something to do with the fact that he’s the director’s father. Unfortunately, that little tidbit is the least of your worries when it comes to “Feast II.” While the first film made the most of its limited budget, the sequel looks every bit as cheap as it probably cost to make. What’s worse, however, is that for all the comedy and gore that made watching the original “Feast” a blast, it’s mostly MIA in this installment. Instead, we get an entire sequence dedicated to a monster penis urinating on biker chicks while they vomit in disgust, and it’s every bit as absurd as it sounds. You can’t even look forward to cool death scenes, either, because with the exception of a handful of characters, no one dies until the final scene – which, of course, you don’t actually get to see. It’s all a big ploy to get you to watch the third chapter scheduled to be released next year, but honestly, if “Sloppy Seconds” is this bad, what’s the point?
