Thankfully the second episode of American Idol, featuring the Denver auditions, was only one hour. Especially because they decided to focus on the awful performers this time and show just a few of the good ones.
It’s really both funny and sad that they always show someone who proclaims to “be the next American Idol,” followed by an abysmal performance by that person. This time that person was Marlos, a young man who also claimed that they had to let him through to the next round because he came so far to be there. When asked where he was from he replied “Denver, Colorado.” Freaking priceless.
Some of the best performers were Lisa Tucker, who Simon said was the best 16 year old ever to enter the competition any year. High praise from the bitter one indeed. There was the 25 year old guy from North Carolina who had a great voice and was inspired by Bo Bice…Simon didn’t like him but he was outvoted. Then there was Rochelle, who brought about 15 of her family members with her and they spelled out her first and last name with letters on t-shirts….Rochelle cried poverty, saying she was evicted from her apartment recently and that she really needed this. Lucky for her she had a killer voice. And note to Rochelle….maybe all that money spent on t-shirts would cover your rent.
There was also the 18 year old cowboy from Wyoming…dude looked like he was 12 but sang decent enough, even though he openly admitted he’d never sang to people before, only to a turkey.
But the bad performers….well, there were so many, but here are a few highlights….
Tiffany, the girl who sang “I Came For the Party”…she came to the party in a short skirt and started humping the air, and still couldn’t sing. There were two contestants who sang awful renditions of Paula Abdul songs, the funniest moment coming when Simon declared “It’s very rare that I hear something better than the original.” Whether you like or dislike Simon, that was hilarious.
Then there was Nick, who called himself “Flawless.” Nick is an “entrepreneur” and that is only in quotes because I’m sure that’s not what he actually said. This kid was dressed in what looked like pajamas, with a baseball cap that was missing its propeller. What a piece of work. He was followed by invention boy, who claimed to be a triple threat….singer, dance, actor, inventor….uh, dude, that’s four. Anyway, he couldn’t do any of the above..h.is floating drink coaster invention was ridiculous…and did anyone notice the security guy whisk it away from Paula? Did they think it was going to explode?
They saved the best for last though, as young Zachary showed that even though you can talk like a girl, dress like a girl and sing girl songs, the sack in your pants has something to do with how deep your voice is…and therefore what an idiot you sound like singing Whitney Houston. When he learned he didn’t make it to Hollywood, Zachary broke out the prejudice card. Prejudice against what? Idiots who can’t sing? Guilty as charged.
Before I go, let me say one more thing. To Ryan Seacrest, Paula, Randy and Simon: STOP SAYING THIS IS THE BEST CROP OF TALENT THE SHOW HAS EVER SEEN. Your show gets good ratings every year. Now shut up and focus on just making the show better.
See you next week in Carolina…..
