Category: TV (Page 566 of 595)

Last night the male contestants on “American Idol” got to strut their stuff in front of the judges and America, and while it was a mixed bag of styles, there sure wasn’t a lot of variation from the mediocre or good at best. In my eyes there was only one truly great performance, one worthy of measuring up to the ladies anyway. Here are the Vandalay choices for good, bad and in-between:

THE GOOD

I’ve been pimping this Chris Daughtry guy for a while, and he is hands-down the best guy vocalist in the competition. He sang Bon Jovi’s “Dead or Alive” flawlessly and even Simon said he’s got the potential to go really far.

Elliott, who sang an old Stevie Wonder tune, also performed really well. Simon said he had possibly the best male vocal the competition has ever seen….I disagree, but Cowell has a little more influence than me over America. I do have to say though, if Elliott doesn’t make it as a singer, he can easily have a second career as an Abe Lincoln impersonator….just grow a beard and put a hat on, and he’s a dead ringer.

Ace, the dude who looks like Scott Stapp, sang George Michael’s “Father Figure” and did a really good job, but not quite to the same level as Elliott or Chris. This guy is the Constantine of this season…..meaning, he knows how to work the cameras and the ladies…..but Ace does have a much better voice.

THE IN-BETWEEN

The show started off last night with Patrick, aka “Raisin Boy”….yeah, he’s the dude who looks like the dude on Seinfeld who stole the box of raisins….that, and he has a neck like a giraffe. But I digress…he sang Melissa Etheridge’s “Come to My Window”…..not bad, but an odd song choice for a guy. Simon even said it wasn’t the right song choice, and Paula gushed over him like she does over almost everyone. Actually I just want her to shut the hell up.

Bucky Covington is a real country boy from North Carolina, and he sang Lynyrd Skynyrd’s “Simple Man” in a way that sounded more like Creed….not bad, but not great.

Will, who is basically a Fred Savage look-alike, sang The Jackon 5’s “I Want You Back”…I thought he was pretty good but the judges thought he was average. This kid is only like 17 though, and will only get better.

Sway, the bald wonder from San Francisco, sang Earth, Wind & Fire’s “Reasons”…a great song, but not the best choice. He had to sing it mostly in falsetto….and the judges thought it was better than I did. Except of course for Simon, who said Sway looked “pimpy” in his outfit, which he really did.

Lispy boy Kevin sang Brian McKnight’s “One Last Cry” and actually sounded pretty good….but if I was him, I’d avoid any titles with the letter “s.” Paula thought he was adorable, and most of America probably will too, keeping him alive for a few more weeks.

Gedeon, the dude who talks like a preacher, has a decent enough voice and is a charasmatic performer, but other than that he is just average in my eyes. Simon said something about it sounding like the warm-up act for the Chippendales, which started another feud between him and Ryan Seacrest. Come on guys, those wiseass remarks to each other are getting old. Seacrest, you really have no ear for talent, so stop busting on Simon. Or better yet, just go away.

Finally there was Taylor Hicks, the gray haired wonder. This guy has a killer voice, despite his goofiness, but when he sang Elton John’s “Levon” he didn’t exactly perform like usual. I think he can do better and I’m sure he’ll have that chance. What was really amazing though, was that Simon finally endorsed Taylor, saying he’s interesting enough to go really far.

THE BAD

It’s easy this week to figure out who will be eliminated for the guys. First there is David, the crooner who looked really awkward singing Queen’s “Crazy Little Thing Called Love”….even Randy Jackson said “dude, that wasn’t very good” and I agree. Paula was in charge of the dawg pound last night as the girls were nicknamed “Paula’s poodle pound”….um, very very lame.

There was also Bobby Bennett, who sang Barry Manilow’s “Copacabana.” All you have to know is that he looked like a big gay Mexican priest, and a big gay Mexican priest cannot possibly pull the wool over America’s eyes. Adios, Bobby.

We’ll find out tonight just how accurate my predictions are when two guys and two girls from this week’s voting are eliminated.

But first this tidbit……turns out one of the stripper types I’ve been talking about, Becky O’Donohue, posed for men’s mag Maxim a few years ago with her twin sister. Hey, I just call ’em like I see ’em.

See you tomorrow America.

So now is when “American Idol” really starts to separate the real talent from the amateurs, and when America has the final say in who gets eliminated each week.

But first, a few random comments. The show is TWO hours long both Tuesday and Wednesday this week, with a third show on Thursday to announce the results. Last night, there was too much fluff…like these wannabe singers talking about how they got there and what the competition means to them blah blah blah…..just shut the hell up and sing! And speaking of fluff…..I am going to sound like a catty chick here, but what was up with Paula’s hair? It was sticking up in the front in such an annoying way, like maybe her rum and coke splattered up and made her hair all sticky. Anyway…..

So last night the 12 remaining females got to perform one song for America. Here were the best, in-between, and worst performances of the evening:

BEST
Nashville girl Mandisa got things started with “Never” by rockers Heart, and she did not disappoint. After Simon had previously made deragatory remarks about Mandisa’s weight, even he couldn’t deny her powerful vocal ability and predicted she would be a finalist. Hey, I’ve been saying that all along.

Paris Bennett sang Gladys Knight’s “Midnight Train to Georgia” and was awesome. She has the voice, the charisma, the whole package…and she’s only 17.

Lisa Tucker sang a Jennifer Holliday song and while it was pitchy in spots, she showed a maturity and ability beyond her 16 years…..I said SIXTEEN.

Katharine McPhee, the one who kissed all the judges on the lips when finding out she would move to the next round, did an old Barbara Streisand song and just blew everyone away. And for the record, she gets my vote as the cutest of the girl contestants.

IN BETWEEN

Among the mediocre, uninspiring performances were Becky O’Donohue, who sang Patti Smith’s “Because The Night”…and Simon hit the nail on the head by saying that the bar had been set by some really great singers already and that only great performances were going to matter. Becky was just boring……Ayla, the basketball player, was just uninspiring, but man, is she a giant…….Brenna, the big mouth Noo Yawka, was all over the place vocally and annoying as usual.

And then there were two contestants we’ve never seen, thanks to all the fluff this show has thrown at us….Melissa McGee and Kinnik. Kinnik was the better of the two, but Simon once again hit it on the head (Yes, Art Vandalay usually agrees with the judge everyone hates) by saying that at 28 years old, Kinnik would have to step it up to compete with the Lisa Tuckers and Paris Bennetts of the competition.

THE BAD

Finally, here are my three picks for who should get eliminated….

Kelly Pickler, the cute blonde who has been a feel-good story so far (you all know by now her dad is in jail)……well, she sang a Martina McBride song and was all over the place. Lucky for her, in Nashville they have a thing in studios called “auto tune” because some producer is probably foaming at the mouth to make her sound good once she gets eliminated….and that day will be soon.

Stevie Scott…..the one with the opera training, decided to sing a Josh Groban song, and to quote Randy Jackson, was “soft and non-emotional.” I’ll take it one further. She just sucked.

Finally, there was Heather Cox….she’s one that proved Mrs. Vandalay’s theory that if you’re hot, you got in this year….surely the judges were not listening to her sing these past few weeks. She’ll be getting back to her career as a stripper very soon.

So there you have it……tonight we have the guys performing….and with that, a question. If the guys constituted Randy Jackson’s dawg pound last night, will the girls be woofing it up tonight?

and finally I leave you with one more thought….remember the dude on “Seinfeld” who was trying out to play the role of Kramer and stole the box of raisins? Look closely at the guys tonight and let me know which one of them IS that dude. Have fun with that, and see you tomorrow.

Vandalay, OUT.