The president of our company wasn’t kidding: “24” has turned into “Dynasty.” The latest obstacle to hamper CTU is…a drinking problem. That is not a typo. The part of Amy Winehouse is played by Morris O’Brien, who, when faced with what he perceives to be a painful reminder of his own cowardice at the hands of the man that he had previously deemed an intellectual subordinate, unravels to the point where he chugs nearly a pint of whiskey, only to purge it from his system in a fit of shame seconds later. “Call your sponsor,” Chloe admonishes when he comes back stinking of whiskey. I suppose that last nugget of information negates the Winehouse joke; if they tried to make Amy Winehouse go to rehab, she’d say no, no, no.
In fact, the majority of the episode contained more relationship melodrama than political intrigue. “Don’t kill my son!” “I killed your husband, and I’ll kill your son.” “He won’t kill him, he wants me.” “I had to go my own way.” “Don’t turn me in to Buchanan!” “Call your sponsor!” Ugh. The most interesting plot thread was given the least amount of attention, and that is the Biscuit’s betrayal of the President. Sure, it looked bad for the Biscuit as he’s handing over the President’s itinerary, but there is no way he would go from resigning to whacking the Commander in Chief in a matter of minutes, right? No, of course not, which is why it was such a relief to see him call the head of Secret Service the second in an attempt to thwart the plot…and why it didn’t surprise us in the slightest to see Mr. Swank pop the Biscuit the second he knew that he was being played. Let us guess: now the Biscuit is framed for the hit if it proves to be unsuccessful.
Don’t let her shrieking fool you: Heidi Petrelli is one strong woman. She has hardly cried a tear for the death of her husband, which happened only an hour or so ago. She didn’t even flinch when Jack gently brushed her delicate brunette locks out of her face. I’m not sure exactly what happened between those two in the past, but that moment, this soon after the death of her husband and his brother, is creepy. I don’t care if he just helped save Jack Jack’s life. Wouldn’t you at least let the body get cold before bustin’ a move?
During one of the blink-chunk, blink-chunk moments, they showed the Biscuit strapped down like he was suffering spinal trauma. From a flashlight, wielded by Mr. Swank? Not buying it, sorry. Dude may be evil, but he’s not supernatural.
And then there’s the Great Reveal in the last two minutes. Daddy Dearest/Farmer Hoggett manages to slip out after having his son, the freaking CTU agent, kneel down in preparation for an execution-style bullet in the skull. Call me crazy, but I’m pretty sure that there isn’t a man alive the same age as James Cromwell that can sneak out of a meeting of narcoleptics. Jack realizes Daddy Dearest isn’t there, and in his pursuit, finds a cell phone with a text message telling him to call…President Buck Buck Brawwwwwwk! I knew he was coming back, so seeing him wasn’t a shock, but that Saddam Hussein beard was. Hey, at least he doesn’t look like Nixon anymore.
There’s still one thing that troubles me: both Hoggett and Romano have admitted that they were complicit in the assassination of David Palmer, but neither has admitted or acknowledged that they had any reason to believe that Jack, who was set up for the hit, was actually alive when it took place (you’ll remember that he had been declared dead months before, in order for Jack to escape the clutches of the Chinese). The connection to President Logan may explain this, since he also tried to have Jack killed at the end of season four, only to discover that someone else had allegedly beaten him to the punch. Still, when last season started, Logan had no idea that Jack was still alive either, which means that either one of the still-living characters has information that they have yet to reveal or the show’s producers are secretly hoping that you have forgotten that that they have not properly explained this gaping plot hole.
The only explanation, given what information they have shared with us, is that Chloe is the mastermind behind Palmer’s assassination, since she is the only surviving person we’re aware of who knows who fabricated Jack’s death in the first place. Um, sure. No one orchestrates a plot to kill a former President of the United States in the hopes that they can pin it on a guy that may or may not already be dead. If Hoggett & Romano knew that Jack was still alive, then prove it. Now. We’re growing tired of sentences that begin with, “Don’t ask me how, but…,” like we heard tonight with the explanation about Gredenko extorting Farmer Hoggett. That’s code for “Hey, it’s your cousin Basil Exposition! Just go along with whatever he tells you.” Sorry, not gonna do it. Wouldn’t be prudent at this juncture.
