Category: TV (Page 435 of 595)

As ABC releases its fall schedule, Geico ad executives continue to pinch themselves and give each other high-fives

Yep, ABC’s released their 2007 – 2008 schedule, and, as you probably guessed from the title of this posting, the biggest focus isn’t on how good or bad the new shows look but, rather, how lazy it looks for the network to have picked up a series that’s inspired by a series of commercials. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely laugh every time one of those commercials is on, but that doesn’t mean I want a half-hour series based on them…especially not when it means that “The Knights of Prosperity” gets cancelled and “The Thick of It” – starring Michael McKean, Oliver Platt, John Michael Higgins, and Alex Borstein – is passed over for pick-up. (How does that happen, anyway? The pilot was directed by Christopher Guest, fer crissakes!)

But that’s enough complaining for the moment. This is intended as an educational post, not a bitter diatribe. (Besides, there’ll be plenty of time for that sort of material in our Fall TV Preview!) So let’s take a look at how the fall schedule will look…and, uh, let’s also clarify that we’ll probably still end up getting snarky along the way.

MONDAY

We begin with more of that star-dancing crap at 8:00 PM…an hour and a half of it, apparently, since it isn’t until 9:30 that we’re scheduled to see the new Christina Applegate sitcom “SAM I AM.”

Sam I Am” – When a terrible accident leaves Samantha “Sam” Newly in a coma for eight days, she wakes up with no recollection of any past experiences, memories or events. Faced with amnesia, Sam must start over. To her dismay she discovers that she wasn’t a particularly honest, good-hearted or loving person. In fact she was self-involved, narcissistic and devoid of real relationships – essentially a bitch. Sam must now struggle with her desire to be good and her temptation to be…not so good. Finding the line between good and evil is never easy.

Um…that’s a comedy? Well, anyway, after that, 10 PM finds another season of “The Bachelor,” which means we can’t get to Tuesday night soon enough.

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American Idol: Melinda Does a Little More

Last night’s “American Idol” featured visits home by the three remaining contestants. As each arrived in their hometown for a rally, they also were greeted by their mayor who read a fax from a respective AI judge, giving them a song choice for last night. After that, the show’s producers chose a song for each singer, and then they were allowed to choose their own song to wrap up a trio of performances. Melinda Doolittle continues to prove that she’s got what it takes to win, and I think by now I’m convinced that she is the best singer this competition has ever seen. Will America agree? That remains to be seen. But here is a recap of last night….

Jordin Sparks arrived home in Phoenix and was told by her mayor through Simon Cowell that she would be singing Rose Royce’s “Wishing On A Star.” It was pretty good but not really spectacular. And at this stage, it needs to be spectacular. Randy said it was very good and Beyonce-like, and Simon said Jordin sang it brilliantly but that he didn’t like the arrangement. Jordin’s second song was the producer’s choice of Donna Summer’s “She Works Hard For the Money,” which I thought was kind of uneventful. Randy said it was “hot,” Paula said it was “fantastic,” and Simon again said he didn’t like the arrangement. Finally, Jordin closed out her night with “I Who Have Nothing,” an older song that I thought she knocked out of the park. Randy and Paula both thought it was great, and Simon said he loved Jordin’s voice but that this song was an odd choice and sounded “pageanty.” Simon has said this many times about Jordin throughout the season, and since he said it last night, it may cost Jordin a spot in the finals.

Blake Lewis went home to Washington state and his mayor (who looked like he was 12) read Paula Abdul’s choice of “Roxanne” by The Police for Blake to start with. I have to say, I was pleasantly surprised, though it was about 5 steps lower than Sting’s range. Randy said it was a great performance, Paula said Blake did her proud, and Simon simply said it wasn’t as good as Sting (honestly, no one can sing that song like Sting). Blake’s producer choice was Maroon 5’s “This Love,” accurately (and somewhat frighteningly) predicted by my wife. Well, it was so good that I think Blake may have secured a spot in the finals. Randy said it was a good vibe for Blake, Paula said he was in his element, and Simon said it was better than “Roxanne.” Then Blake closed with his own choice, Robin Thicke’s “When I Get You Alone,” and I thought it was all over the place (more because of the song choice and not Blake’s performance). Randy said he liked the Maroon 5 song better but Simon really dug it.

Melinda Doolittle was home in Nashville and Governor Bredesen read a fax from Randy Jackson, that began with, “Check It Out…” His choice for her was Whitney Houston’s “I Believe In You and Me,” which of course was amazing. Randy said he chose a Whitney Houston song to really challenge Melinda, and that she answered that challenge. He added that Melinda should win this thing. Paula said it was fantastic and one of Melinda’s best so far in the season, and Simon said that Round 1 went to Melinda. Her producer’s choice was Ike & Tina Turner’s “Nutbush City Limits,” and Melinda really tore it up in a good way….even like a young Tina, which is really saying something. Randy said it was “stellar” and Simon said it was “brilliant.” Finally, Melinda closed out the show with her choice, “Woman,” which she performed earlier in the season. Randy said the three performances showed Melinda’s versatility, Paula said she was stepping into the spotlight, and Simon said Melinda consistently delivers.

Okay, so to recap, Melinda is in first place by a mile. Her spot next week is all but guaranteed. But then it gets dicey. I thought for the last month or so that Jordin was going to battle Melinda in the final, but after last night I don’t think that will happen. I think she is going home tonight, because Blake was just that much better on Tuesday. I think that Maroon 5 song pushed him slightly past Jordin. We’ll see what happens, but we could do far worse than a final of Blake and Melinda. It’s two singers with very different styles. But I’m getting ahead of myself because America does love Jordin, too.

Tonight’s very painful hour-long results show looms. How will they fill it up? For starters, I bet Ryan Seacrest is in front of that farmer’s market right now interviewing people to get their take on last night. Ugg.

See you all tomorrow….

Back Off Bitch

“The Shield” went back to the days of old this week, where an episode would focus on a single case, and the topic at hand was the San Marcos massacre. After the Biz-Lats retaliate against the El Salvadorians by killing women and children at a street fair, tensions are heightened leading to a personal threat from the Asst. Chief to shut down the Barn. Blaming Hernan for the misinformation that has caused the case to remain unsolved for so long, Vic makes a deal with the undercover agent that will help him earn his stripes within the gang. Even though Vic thinks the guy “is kind of an asshole,” it’s difficult for him to turn down such a promising venture.

I have a feeling that Hernan is just looking out for himself (and quite possibly integrating into the gang he’s supposed to be investigating). Although his intel did land the Barn three of the six San Marcos murderers (who were engaged in a private gangbang when the Strike Team picked them up), his sudden disappearance at the end of the episode doesn’t bode well for the future.

Meanwhile, as Vic wraps up his end of the San Marcos case, Dutch and Billings set out looking for the final piece: Eduardo Ramiro, the Mexican bureaucrat whose right arm was found amongst the eleven other chopped up bodies at the motel. When they finally track him to a seedy hotel (sans right limb and in possession of a luggage full of money), Dutch can’t help but to bring him in, despite the fact that the guy has diplomatic immunity. Claudette chews him out for it, too, but it was definitely a smart move on Dutch’s part. Immunity or not, if this guy is the only surviving victim of a massacre, there’s no doubt in my mind that he’s incredibly important to the case.

The rest of the episode was pretty lackluster, filled up mostly by Shane’s counteraction to Vic’s threats. The guy’s hard at work covering his ass (gathering info on every dirty deal from Vic’s past) and he’s even made a request for transfer back to the vice unit. Oh boy, here we go again. Shane’s back to his season four evil self again, including dealing with criminals for some extra cash (this time with the Armenians), and he’s not afraid to let Vic and Ronnie in on his plan. He’s given Vic a copy of all his “notes” (assuring him that the original is in a safe place) and is ready to play ball. The only question is: does Vic have the onions to take the fall himself, taking Shane with him and saving Ronnie from any legal outfall? I think so, but we’ll surely have to wait a whole season to find out.

24, Hour 22: Girlfriend in a coma. I know, I know, it’s serious

Talk about art imitating blog. Last week, after trying to sift through the ashes of the most needlessly circuitous plot in TV history, I said, “None of this makes sense.” Tonight, as Senator Roark is processing the seriousness of Russian President Suvarov’s threat to attack the Americans for willingly allowing Russian technology to fall into the hands of the Russians, Roark said, yep, “None of this makes sense.”

At last, we are all in agreement.

As for Farmer Hoggett’s relationship with the Chinese, well, to quote the Hives, hate to say I told you so, all right. Cheng praised Hoggett as a man of vision, and Hoggett loves China so much that he plans to steal his grandson and live there forever and ever. I’d say that makes them allies, wouldn’t you? Well, until (a clearly deaf) Cheng loses Jack Jack, and Hoggett kills the deal to hand over the Russian component. Gotta give Hoggett credit: he has the negotiation skills of a Corleone. Or maybe Mel Gibson’s character in “Payback.” “My money, yes or no?” “No!” Bang.

So back to the blog’s title. Lisa Miller’s attempt to schmooze her lobbyist spy of a paramour ends poorly of course, and her boy toy chokes her until she’s unconscious. Another coma? Are you kidding me? How many is that over the course of the show? Maura Tierney, Tony Almeida, Wheelbarrow Wayne twice…wasn’t Robocop in one for a while last year? Does anyone know four people that have fallen into comas? I was only sort of kidding when I called this show “Dynasty of Terror” a while back. It really is becoming a full fledged soap opera.

Is Audrey Raines really gone from the show? Or is she merely gone for now, only to be brought back stunt-style next season, a la Kim Bauer last year? And as one of our astute readers pointed out, they never explained how Big Dick Heller survived that header into the Pacific from a quarter mile above the surface. But these guys are good at not explaining stuff, aren’t they? The Palmer family may as well not even exist at this point, and the fallout from this morning’s nuclear explosion doesn’t seem to be affecting anything at all. Got a plot thread that needs to be temporarily resolved? Put it in a coma. As Eric Cartman would say, this is totally weak. Indeed, this has gone from weak to super weak.

Did I see an oil rig as the site of the big showdown for next week’s two-hour season finale? An oil rig? What the hell is Cheng doing on an oil rig? And besides, didn’t “Alias” do that a couple years ago? Speaking of “Alias,” what happened to “Drive”? My beloved Amy Acker was on both shows, and we at Bullz-Eye are all big, big fans of “Drive” hero Nathan Fillion. Hey, here’s an idea: make Fillion the villain – the only villain – for next season. He usually plays the plucky hero, but fans of “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” will tell you that he can play a baddie just as well as he can play a goodie. Create some kind of Bruce Willis/Alan Rickman dynamic between him and Kiefer, and you’ll save the show. Oh, and if any “24” writers are reading this, you should know that our fearless leader is a lawyer, and he will fight for a story credit. Just thought I’d warn you in advance.

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