It’s been a long time coming, but Drama’s big day is finally here – the premiere of his new drama “Five Towns” – and in celebration, the guys have catered to his every desire. They’ve let him sleep in, destroyed every copy of Variety in his vicinity, and they’ve even detailed his classic junker that he brought with him when he first came to Hollywood. Unfortunately, during a “rub and tug” at his favorite massage parlor, Drama happens upon a copy of the latest Variety to discover that the critical response isn’t quite as accommodating. In fact, every television writer in the country has panned Drama’s performance on the show – despite the fact that all of the guys seem to genuinely enjoy it – and so he sets off in his newly detailed car to blow off some steam. It isn’t until the next day that Drama wakes up in the middle of the Grand Canyon to hear the good news: “Five Towns” is a hit, nabbing 16 million viewers in its first night.
Drama wasn’t the only member of the pack that had his share of good luck, either. While waiting to pick up the car at the detailed shop, Turtle is introduced to the owner’s daughter, Kelly, and is instantly taken with her. Not only is she smoking hot, but she also shares the same crazy hobby of collecting shoes. As Turtle puts it: “She’s me, but with boobs.” Actually, that isn’t quite the compliment it should be, but that doesn’t change the fact that Turtle (after much bargaining with her father, Rufus) has scored a date with the woman of his dreams.
I’m happy for the little guy. After the whole Saigon subplot just sort of fell apart during the first half of the season, Turtle had sunk back into his usual role as the group lackey. As far as I’m considered, if Drama’s going to get a little happiness in his life, so should Turtle. And, well, so should everybody else too, it seems.
I made a remark last week that Vince’s obsession with “Medellin” had posed the biggest question of the past three years: will this damn movie ever get made? Well, we didn’t exactly reach an endpoint during this week’s episode, but we’re definitely closer. Visiting Ari at his office for the first time since they so brutally fired him, Vince and Eric are quick to make clear that Ari is most certainly not back. First, they want “Medellin,” and though Ari informs them that the movie is dead (or as he puts it, “an unbeatable super germ”), that doesn’t change things. So, in keeping with his promise, Ari sets up a meet between the three guys and wealthy movie producer Joe Roberts. The problem is, Roberts is only willing to finance “Medellin” if Vince agrees to make his passion project “Matterhorn” (“Die Hard” at Disneyland) first.
As Ari expects, Vince doesn’t bite, and because we all know he’s a little crazy, Vince announces his desire to outbid Roberts for the rights to “Medellin.” Impressed by his passion for the project, Roberts ends the bidding war and Vince walks away with the rights for a measly $5 million. Oh, and did I mention that means Vince will have to sell the house? Or that Eric has invested all $200,000 of his savings? It’s definitely an interesting angle for the series to take (and admittedly one I never even thought of), but do they really think that they can make money off a 3-hour art flick? An Oscar, maybe, but this thing has box office failure written all over it.
