Category: Rome (Page 6 of 7)

This week’s episode was rather uneventful but featured some great lines. Therefore, this week’s blog entry will quote and discuss the context of said dialogue.

“Have you penetrated anyone yet?” – Atia asks her son, Octavian, the most personal of questions. I was waiting for Octavian to say, “Mom, you’re embarrassing me! God!” and stalk out of the room, but the kid just pouts a bit before Atia instructs Titus to set her boy up with his first penetration.

“The calendar’s correct if you’d like to have me tonight.” – Niobe offers herself up to her husband after her sister finally leaves, swearing to never speak to her again (over Niobe’s affair with her husband). Lucius, who complained about the state of his marriage to Titus, takes her up on her offer and the two seem to reconnect.

“You will penetrate someone today or I’ll burn your wretched books in the yard!” – Atia threatens Octavian after he balks at his scheduled appointment with Titus. Octavian relents and goes with Titus to a brothel where he picks a fine young lass from another part of the world – she doesn’t even know where she’s from. Talk about strange.

“It was pleasant.” – Octavian’s response when Titus asks how his first time went. The whore described Octavian as being “like a bull.” Titus seems to be pleased at his young protégé’s accomplishment.

“Arithmetic has no mercy.” – Marc Antony describes Caesar’s situation in the field to Atia. Pompey continued to run across Greece with Caesar on his tail. In the process, Pompey garnered several more legions and now has Caesar on the run. Caesar requests that Antony bring the 13th legion in support and Antony takes a day or two to decide his next course of action.

“What a wretched old harpy you are.” – Marc Antony in response to Atia’s marriage proposal after the two fornicate (in front of a servant). She’s looking for protection once Caesar is defeated and Antony, who was considering betraying Caesar, is surprised at her temerity. After the insult, the two lovers trade slaps and Antony leaves for Greece, likely to get no more pooty from Atia.

“Large penis is always welcome.” – Atia, speaking to her children, justifies her offering of a slave (with a rather large organ) as a gift to Servilia. Atia sends her daughter to present the gifts to Servilia and the two seem to connect. This looks like an alliance that will develop over time and may end up biting Atia in the ass.

Remember those shitty terms that Caesar offered Pompey? Well, Pompey decided to accept them. Caesar avoids peace by balking on the truce, blaming Pompey’s decision not to agree to a sit down. Meanwhile, Atia finds out about Octavian’s little foray in a storage closet with Caesar and is actually excited about the idea of her boy seducing the mighty leader – talk about horrible parenting. Octavian denies the rumor and lets it slip that Caesar has a condition. He says no more, but the cat is clearly out of the bag.

Titus sleeps off a rough night of drinking on Lucius’ doorstep and realizes that he forgot his slave girl somewhere. Lucius joins him on a brief search and ultimately pays Titus’ tab at a local establishment to get the girl back. Titus can’t keep the girl, so Lucius takes her in as a slave, much to Niobe’s chagrin. Lucius goes to check on his other slaves only to find out that they have all died, save for a single boy, whom he brings into his home until his illness has passed – yeah, that’s a great idea. Atia hires Titus to tutor Octavian in swordplay, but it is Titus who asks the boy for counsel surrounding his suspicion of Niobe’s wrongdoing. Lucius, out of money, takes a job as a bodyguard to a loan shark and finds the work distasteful. He ultimately rejoins the army, having to swallow his pride to ask Mark Antony for his old job back.

Caesar and his mistress, Servilia, have a nice time until some naughty graffiti pops up on walls all over Rome. Caesar’s wife gets pissed and he has to break it off with Servilia, who is none too happy about it. During the breakup, slaps are thrown and Caesar lets his mistress know that he won’t have it by giving her three hard ones to the side of the head. Servilia is now super-pissed and, after finding out that Atia is behind the graffiti, lays down the mother of all curses on both Atia and Caesar. Caesar heads out to take on Pompey only to find that he’s sailed for Greece. Meanwhile, Titus and Octavian corner the father of Niobe’s baby (whom Lucius believes is his) and after a little torture, the guy spills the beans. The duo decides to kill the man in the sewer and never speak of the incident again – not even to Lucius. My guess is that this little nugget is going to endanger Titus’ friendship with Lucius, especially considering Titus’ inability to keep a secret.

Caesar is in Rome and he’s paying people for their loyalty. Only problem is, he’s running out of gold. Caesar has the city under martial law and decides to throw a party at the house of Julie Cooper (Atia) to negotiate loyalty fees. Julie is Caesar’s niece, but I don’t think she’s blood because she wants the spot at Caesar’s side – and on top of him and beneath him and so on. But those positions are already taken by Servilia, whom Caesar invites to a party at Julie’s. Meanwhile, Lucius is starting a new venture and throws a party of his own. Things get weird when his sister-in-law arrives with her husband (also the father of Niobe’s baby, whom Lucius believes is his grand-daughter). The sister-in-law gets drunk, causes a scene and she and her husband are banished from Lucius’ home. Later, Pompey’s son arrives with a band of men and questions Lucius at sword point about the location of the stolen gold. Conveniently, Titus arrives (stupidly, with pomp and circumstance, basically announcing his crime) and he and Lucius dispatch the band of men. Lucius convinces Titus to give the gold and Pompey’s son to Caesar and hope for mercy. Caesar takes it easy on Titus and sends Pompey’s son back to his father with an offer of truce, which is impossible for Pompey to accept. With the offer, Caesar tried to divide Pompey from the Senate, and based on their respective reactions, it worked. After sending Pompey’s son off, Caesar has a seizure (try saying that ten times fast) to which young Octavian and Casesar’s right hand man are the only witnesses. The duo pull Caesar into a small room to let the seizure pass and one of the servants listens to Caesar’s grunting at the door. Later she only sees Caesar and Octavian leave so she likely suspects pedophilia. Ah, just another day in Rome!

When Pompey learns that Caesar is heading straight for Rome, he decides to leave the city and gather his legions (who were stationed elsewhere) before returning to eliminate his old friend. Pompey’s wife is no dummy and she reminds him to bring some gold along to pay the legions. He sends his best man, Durio, along with some men to retrieve as much gold as possible, but Pompey’s departure sends the city into chaos and the men decide to kill Durio and run off with the gold themselves.

When there’s chaos, throw a party. Like any good socialite, Atia (a.k.a. Julie Cooper) decides to do just that and is surprised when Pompey loyalists try to break into her home. During the commotion, Julie tells everyone who should stab whom if the invaders gain entry. The only one keeping a level head is the young Octavian, who I suspect is destined for great things. Meanwhile, Lucius and Titus are leading a small band of Caesar’s men ahead of the legion to post their commander’s intention on the Senate’s door. Lucius is troubled by his last visit with his wife and goes to Titus for advice. Titus instructs Lucius to tell her that she is beautiful every time he sees her – even when she’s not – and to bring her the heart of an enemy, a gesture that he claims makes the women “as wet as October.” On their journey, they run across the gold-stealing soldiers, who had picked up a pretty young lass on the way. Lucius realizes something is amiss and after a brief battle, the thieves are killed. Ponderously, Lucius fails to check the wagon (even though he was curious about its contents when he first ran into the thieves) and as they get closer to Rome, Titus nags him to go back. Lucius ignores him and finishes his mission by posting Caesar’s intentions on the Senate door. Feeling as if he is a traitor to the Republic, he quits the army and heads home to his wife, who (sort of) fesses up and the two agree to start anew.

Finally, Titus heads back to the wagon and discovers the gold – lots and lots of gold. When he hears the marching drums of Caesar’s legion growing near, he’s faced with a decision – turn the gold over to his leader or take it (and the pretty young lass) for his own. Not wanting to disappoint his growing number of fans, he moves the wagon up a hill and far away from Caesar’s path

This episode was mainly about the return of Lucius and Titus to Rome, accompanying Mark Antony in his quest to become Tribune. Lucius hasn’t seen his wife in more than seven years and Titus wondered aloud, “what if she got skinny?” Lucius sees his wife, Niobe, for the first time in the courtyard holding a baby and immediately calls her a whore in front of several of her friends – not the best way to say “hello.” The moment ruined, Niobe informs him that the baby is actually his daughter’s daughter and Lucius spends a few days in the doghouse – figuratively, of course.

The politicking continues in the Senate, where Antony is elected Tribune and Pompey loyalists plot against Caesar. Pompey wants Caesar banished, but Antony doesn’t go for that. Pandemonium erupts in the Senate and Antony’s veto of a motion to banish Caesar goes unheard. Apparently, Pompey wants Antony to veto the motion so that Caesar has to openly oppose Pompey, causing the Republic to erupt in a civil war.

Meanwhile, Lucius and Titus get their freak on – the former with his wife and the latter with a prostitute. The whore did a better job of acting like she was enjoying herself, but the pounding in both sessions reminded me of the now classic 50 Cent lyric “I’m into having sex / I ain’t into making love.” His load presumably shot, Titus unwisely decides to play dice with a bunch of Pompey loyalists. Of course, the big brute is cheated out of his money and solves the problem the only way he knows how – by stabbing the cheater in the neck. A brawl ensues and Titus is dinged pretty hard on the head. He stumbles to Lucius’ crib and, after some impromptu brain surgery, Niobe nurses him back to health.

A few days later, Lucius and Titus (along with fifty Caesar loyalists) are called to escort Antony to the Senate so he can exercise his veto. Pompey wants everyone to think that he’d like to stop Antony, so he places a thousand men in the courtyard, but instructs them not stand in Antony’s way. Only Titus recognizes one of the Pompey loyalists – the cheater’s friend at the bar! Seeking revenge, the guy rushes our hero but Titus drops him with one blow. Mayhem in the courtyard ensues, and Antony never gets to exercise his veto.

The Caesar loyalists flee the city and return to their leader. Caesar decides that he will soon march on Rome. Back at the homestead, it turns out that Lucius’ wife very well might be a whore as she brings the baby to her breast to nurse. In her defense, she did think her husband was dead. So maybe “whore” is too strong of a word.