Category: News (Page 357 of 401)

Box Office Roundup: You can’t spin crazy

Based on Sunday’s estimates:

1) Mission: Impossible III: $48 million (first week)
At least $12 million under the rival studios’ expectations. On Tuesday, Paramount unceremoniously outs Tom Cruise, just to goose the box office a little bit, then issues a reluctant retraction after the movie’s theatrical run is over.
2) RV: $11.1 million ($31 million, second week)
Think of all the good that could have been done with that $11.1 million. Makes you sick, doesn’t it?
3) An American Haunting: $6.3 million (first week)
And like that, the “true horror” genre is over before it’s begun.
4) United 93: $5.2 million ($20 million, second week)
After just 10 days, it appears everyone has forgotten/ignored the 9/11. Sweeping our feelings under the rug: that’s the American way.
5) Stick It: $8 million ($17.9 million, second week)
Just wondering: has anyone made a good movie about gymnastics yet? They all look like “Gymkata” to us.

What you should go see instead: “Brick.” Best teenage film noir movie ever.

And I’m *SURE* Mr. Lucas will allow you to just do an exchange…

After way too conveniently waiting until he’d gotten everyone’s money by assuring them that he’d never release the original “Star Wars” trilogy in its original, unaltered form (meaning that they’d might as well go ahead and buy the digitally-“improved” version), George Lucas has gone back on his word.

Son of a BITCH.

Harry over at Ain’t It Cool News is gushing about how, “finally, George Lucas kicks ass and I can love him completely,” but, dammit, this just pisses me the hell off. “In response to overwhelming demand,” my fanny. Lucas looked at the books, said, “Well, looks like we need a new record to set,” and – to keep busy until the reported “Star Wars” TV series kicks off – decided to fleece his longtime fans out of a few more bucks. Oh, and did I mention that it’ll only be available for three months? After that, it goes back into the Lucasfilm Vault, alongside all the unsold “Willow” action figures.

The only thing…the ONLY thing…he can do to redeem himself in my eyes is to officially release “The Star Wars Holiday Special” on DVD.

Happy Life Day, everyone!

For. The. Love. Of. All. Tribbles, Say. It. Ain’t. So.

In what might be the most ridiculous piece of gossip of the year, Cinescape is reporting rumors that no-talent assclown Ben Affleck may be up for a role in the forthcoming J.J. Abrams-directed “Star Trek” film. And not just any role, folks, but THE role: Captain James T. Kirk. Now, before all of the Trekkies wet their panties in dispair, please remember that this is only a rumor. Then again, it’s apparently coming from a pretty reliable source (via the set of the “Gone Baby Gone,” Affleck’s directorial debut), and who better than to fill the shoes of perhaps the most-joked about character in television history?

Just another one-term president

Despite starting in the fall with strong reviews and solid performances from Geena Davis and the always-dependable Donald Sutherland, after a relatively-dismal second half of the season, ABC has lost its faith in the presidency and yanked “Commander in Chief.”

(How could you lose faith in a president who looks like that…?!?!?)

Ironically, just yesterday, Davis was chatting with Ellen DeGeneres about how the show was – to use the industry term – “on the bubble.” Looks like the bubble burst…

Mob shmob. The cast of “The Sopranos” are their OWN worst enemies.

How many times can someone from the cast of “The Sopranos” get arrested before the rest of them say, “Well, that’s enough for me; I’m walking the straight and narrow from now on!” Well, until that happens, someone grab the chalk and put a check mark by John “Artie” Ventimiglia’s name; the man who plays the chef of the Nuovo Vesuvio restaurant was busted on suspicion of drunken driving and cocaine possession.

John, ya dumb bastid. What the hell were you thinkin’…?

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