Category: Movies (Page 487 of 498)

Box Office Roundup: The world is a vampire

Based on Sunday’s estimates:

1) Underworld: Evolution: $27.6 million (first weekend)
If only the “Underworld” movies evolved the way the band did. “You bring light in, you bring light in…”
2) Hoodwinked: $11 million ($29.3 million, second weekend)
We’re thrilled for Anne Hathaway for putting two movies in the top 5, but we have to say that we’re happier with her more revealing performance in “Brokeback Mountain.”
3) Glory Road: $9.13 million ($28 million, second weekend)
A mere $300K separated Bruckheimer from that feisty, faux rich black girl, or so say the estimates. Which has us thinking that…
4) Last Holiday: $9.1 million ($26.3 million, second weekend)
…we will laugh our asses off if, when the actual numbers come out tomorrow, Queen Latifah winds up straddling Bruckheimer ala Xenia Onotopp in “GoldenEye.”
5) Brokeback Mountain: $7.8 million ($42.1 million, seventh week)
Won a whole mess of Golden Globes, those those were no match for the globes that Scarlett Johannson and Drew Barrymore sported that night.

Kate Beckinsale looking forward to suck the blood out of transexual, Muslims

The black void that is the January film season only gets worse this week with the release of the vampire/werewolf flick “Underworld: Evolution,” the sequel to the stlyish genre film from a few years ago. Too bad director Len Wiseman didn’t just take the money and run, because “Evolution” is a disgrace to the original. Also in theaters this week is the Golden Globe-winning drama “Transamerica” and the Albert Brooks comedy “Looking for Comedy in the Muslim World.” It doesn’t look like the Brothers Weinstein are suffering any from their parting with Disney. The awards just keep rolling in for those guys, don’t they?

DVD shuffle: 01/17/06

Out on DVD this week:

1) Lord of War – RENT: An entertaining-at-times satire on the how-to of gunrunning, this film is certainly worth checking out. I haven’t had a chance to preview the two-disc special edition release of the movie, but by the looks of it, this is one special edition to stay away from.

2) Two for the Money – RENT: Another entertaining movie that just isn’t good enough to recommend for a purchase. Both Pacino and McConaughey are great, but there’s hardly any bonus features worth watching more than once.

3) The Man – PASS: The sheer fact that this film was #2 on my Worst Films of 2005 is more than enough reason to stay away from this piece of garbage.

4) Underclassman – PASS: Almost as bad as “The Man,” this teen comedy was one giant cliche. Oh, and Nick Cannon isn’t funny. He never was, and he never will be.

Also out on DVD this week is the teen horror flick “Venom” and the corporate documentary “Enron: The Smartest Guys in the Room,” as well as season releases of “Doogie Howser, M.D.” and “Lois & Clark.”

Box Office Roundup: Shit floats

Based on Monday’s estimates:

1) Hoodwinked: $16.6 million (first weekend)
“Little Red Riding Shrek” lost us at the snowboarding grandmother.
2) Glory Road: $16.5 million (first weekend)
The same way that some grandmother walked into “The Aristocrats” expecting to see a bunch of animated cats, someone surely walked into this movie expecting an altogether different kind of “glory” movie.
3) Last Holiday: $15.7 million (first weekend)
Hey, if you’re going to torpedo any and all momentum your career received after making a star turn in an Oscar-winning movie, you may as well do it while hanging out with LL Cool J. Beats the hell out of doing another movie with Jimmy Fallon.
4) The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe: $12.2 million ($263 million, sixth weekend)
Also known as “The Chronicles of Jehovah: The Movie That Wouldn’t Leave.”
5) Hostel: $11.6 million ($36.8 million, second weekend)
They’re getting a little heavy handed with this whole sex-is-death metaphor, aren’t they?

The best ’70s b-movie ever – The Van!

Hello kids, Roy Munson here with another suggestion for your fun time movie viewing schedules. If you’ve never seen it, than I suggest you check out the groovy van-centric/dope-addled flick “The Van” from 1977. It’s all about this goofball named Bobby (played by Stuart Goetz) who gives up his crappy car for an awesome van nicknamed “Straight Arrow” in a quest to lay chicks. Straight Arrow’s got it all – a waterbed, shag interior, TV, tea maker, the works! There’s even a disturbing scene where Bobby shows off the van to his mom and she starts almost orgasming on the waterbed. Creepy!

The Van is chock full of memorable moments, especially when it comes to Bobby’s come-on lines. You’ll thrill seeing him hitting up girl after girl with the classic line, “Wanna go out to my van and share a joint?” Hell, who wouldn’t, especially after all that Lucky beer they imbibe throughout the feature! There’s cheeseball sex a-plenty, good dope smokin’, and even some jug wine drinking! Whooo! And if that’s not enough, Danny DeVito himself stars as Bobby’s boss at the local car wash. Danny’s also doubling as a bookie, so you know wacky mayhem eventually ensues. And don’t miss the big scene where Bobby and the gang check out a roadside van convention!

However, my favorite moment of the whole movie is when Dugan, the big, brainless bully of the movie challenges Bobby to a van race. Bobby calls Dugan a turd, and Dugan replies “No one calls Dugan a turd!!!” He keeps repeating this over and over as they race down the street. Pure gold, I tell you. And what’s more, this flick features the Sammy Johns hit “Chevy Van,” as well as the best love song ever, “Early Mornin’ Love,” also sung by Johns. So if you want a movie that has it all, including the most carefree and moronic leading character ever seen in a flick, then “The Van” is for you.

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