Category: Movies (Page 473 of 498)

Shouldn’t this story have come out on April 1st?

April 4, 2006 / Deb Medsker

In what is apparently not a joke, People magazine reports that Paris Hilton is being considered to play the role of Mother Teresa in an upcoming film. Indian director T. Rajeevnath is set to direct, and has put Hilton on the short list because of her purported resemblance to the benevolent, virginal nun who placed the needs of the poor above her own and cared little for material goods.

Yep, sounds like a slam-dunk.

paris mother teresa

Ravjeevnath is taking a meeting with Hilton in India at the end of this month. In unrelated news, the entire population of India will be evacuating the country at that time.

Actresses, Movies

Finally! An opportunity to legally download “Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector”!

April 4, 2006 / Will Harris

And it’s about time, I say…since, of course, no-one would actually want to be seen in public renting the movie (although, based on its box office take, it should be on shelves by, say, next Tuesday).

No, but, seriously, folks, the studios have finally offered up a solution to those people who say, “Gosh, I’d love to see that film…but the mail box is SO far away, making Netflix an unwieldy proposition at best!” Starting this week, consumers will be able to buy digital versions of films online. No, you can’t burn them onto a disc…though surely some top-notch hacker will figure out a way around that before the weekend…but you can watch them indefinitely in your computer.

I guess this is intended as a way of thwarting those guys who use their handheld cameras to make blurry, off-center bootlegs that they upload to the internet, but, really, how many people who download those versions don’t end up going to rent or buy the legal version when it finally emerges? Or am I just viewing this in my usual naive fashion because I’m probably more of a film purist than Joe Sixpack…?

Movie DVDs, Movies, News

Attack of the Russian marshmallow flesh-eating gremlin cyborg killing machines

April 4, 2006 / Deb Medsker

Forget what you learned in History class: All you need to know about the events of the past, present and future has been diligently captured by Paul Kerensa, creator of The Movie Timeline.

For example:

Andy Dufresne was unjustly sent to Shawshank a few short months before someone else was framed: Roger Rabbit.

James Cole of “Twelve Monkeys” was lucky to be locked in a mental hospital upon his return to 1990 from the future; had he shown up in Perfection, Nevada that year instead, he would surely have been nabbed by one of the giant Graboid worms of “Tremors.”

While Ellen Ripley is peacefully enjoying hypersleep (“Aliens,”) the Oracle prophesizes that Morpheus will discover the second coming of The One.

In 1984, the U.S. was invaded by Russians, the Sta-Puf marshmallow man, gremlins, flesh-eating zombies, and a T-800 killing machine from the future. Rough year.

The premise of the site is simple: Everything that ever happened in a movie is fair game for the timeline. Submissions are welcome. Entertainment is guaranteed. Time-wasting is unavoidable. Resistance is futile (okay, that’s a TV reference…but still true).

Movies, News

No less impressive than the Indy 500…

April 4, 2006 / Will Harris

…is Indie 50, or Empire Magazine’s choices for the 50 Greatest Independent Films of All Time.

Empire is, loosely translated, the British equivalent of Premiere Magazine here in the States, but don’t hold that against them. Their selections here are interesting and diverse, and while there might be a few howlers among their inclusions – I like “Grosse Point Blank” as much as the next guy, but I’d never put it in this list…and there’s a reason why neither Dennis Wilson nor James Taylor gave up their musical careers for more acting gigs, and that reason is “Two Lane Blacktop” – it’s still a fun read.

Movies

So, does this mean we don’t need to hit the concession stand first?

April 3, 2006 / Deb Medsker

Snack-happy moviegoers are in for a real treat come September, when “The Aqua Teen Hunger Force Movie Film for Theatres” brings human-size fast-food heroes Frylock, Meatwad, and Master Shake to the big screen. Having developed a rabid cult following via its exposure on Cartoon Network’s Adult Swim, the franchise has sold over a million DVDs, and also has a video game currently in the works.

ATHF

Of course, “ATHF” launched in 2001, meaning the trio of tasty junk food heroes took just five short years to get their own movie. Meanwhile, that tiny niche cult series “The Simpsons,” having sold a paltry ten million DVDs over the years and racked up merely seventeen seasons on air (renewed through season nineteen)…is still waiting for its close-up. Fortunately, that wait is nearly over, as Fox finally revealed its “Simpsons” movie teaser trailer to “Ice Age 2” audiences this weekend. The film is scheduled for release in July of 2007. Click here to view the “Simpsons” trailer for yourself.

simpsons

Well, “Hunger Force” might make it to theaters first, but “Simpsons” will clearly have the more lasting impact. As any faithful Simpsons viewer could tell you, a man-sized milkshake, burger and fries are no match for the hunger force that is Homer.

Mmmmmm…Meatwad.