You get a call from one of your buddies. He tells you that the boys are going to a bar with two-dollar beers and mud wrestling. You tell him that you’ve been battling a wicked stomach virus all day, and that you’ll just have to sit this one out. But you don’t have a stomach virus. In fact, you’ve got a beer of your own in your hand. You just don’t want to go out because there’s ice skating on TV.
Guilty pleasures. We’ve all got ’em. If you don’t have ’em, then you’re either not human or, worse, boring. We at Bullz-Eye have bared our souls for the world to see, revealing the movies, TV shows and music that make us giddy. When no one is looking, of course.
A few examples:
Movies:
The Long Kiss Goodnight (1996)
The director, Renny Harlin, was once dubbed the Finnish Steven Spielberg, but was in fact a Hacky McHacksterpants in disguise. Actioneer Shane Black was the most overpaid screenwriter in the ‘90s not named Joe Eszterhas. Put the two together, and it’s like a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup: neither the chocolate nor the peanut butter is any good, but damn, do they taste great together. Sure, there’s a scene where Geena Davis laces up ice skates, skates across a pond and blows up a car in about 30 seconds’ time, and there’s another scene where Davis and Samuel L. Jackson outrun the slowest fireball in movie history. But the movie’s greatness lies in its supporting cast. Craig Bierko (“Cinderella Man,” “Scary Movie 4”) is the baddie, and the ever-reliable David Morse is Davis’ “fiancé,” but everyone from Davis on down bows before the great Brian Cox as Davis’ handler. His speech about a cleanliness-obsessed dog is one for the ages, as is Jackson’s use of Muddy Waters’ “I’m a Man” as a memory device. And just try not singing England Dan & John Ford Coley’s “Really Love to See You Tonight” when the credits roll. It’s sublimely bad/good, though I’m still not sure if chefs really do that. – David Medsker, Senior Editor
TV:
Next (MTV)
I’m first to rail against MTV for having ceded the definition “M” in their name from “music” to “more reality-based crap than you can shake a stick at,” but there’s something about this dating show that causes me to stop each and every time I happen upon it. I’d like to tell you it’s because a lot of episodes feature lesbians…and, sure, that is part of it…but it’s mostly because I’m in awe of the way so many of the contestants act. My God, they’re awful! If you’re in a committed relationship at the moment and you’re unsure as to whether or not you’ve made the right decision, just tune in to a few episodes of “Next,” and you’ll stay right where you are, because, good lord, man, do you really want to leap back into the fray and date egotistical idiots and brain-dead jackanapes like these? – Will Harris, Associate Editor
Check out all our lists here.
