Forgive me, but I just couldn’t bring myself to reprint the image. What image, you ask?
Lindsay Lohan’s fire crotch, making its world premiere.
The picture is oddly fascinating, as it looks like no other womanly body part you’ve ever seen in your life. It’s like one of those magic eye puzzles; you’ll stare at it for hours, and still not see anything.
Based on Sunday’s estimates, courtesy of boxofficemojo.com:
1) Invincible: $17 million (first week)
Mark Wahlberg tending bar at night to make ends meet. Now that is a believable role.
2) Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby: $8 million ($127.6 million, fourth week)
Gary Cole for President.
3) Little Miss Sunshine: $7.5 million ($23 million, fifth week)
Already profitable in ways that “Snakes on a Plane” will never know.
4) Beerfest: $6.5 million (first week)
We’re puzzled by the performance of this one, since it had ‘Every guy’s new favorite movie’ written all over it.
5) Accepted: $6.4 million ($21.1 million, second week)
Hey, at least it held its position from last week. There’s something to be said for minimal expectations.
8) Idlewild: $5.8 million (first week)
Tragic that OutKast is going to go out not with a bang but a whimper.
9) Snakes on a Plane: $5.8 million ($26 million, second week)
The bones of another New Line executive are being scattered across Los Angeles as you read this.
Based on Sunday’s estimates, courtesy of boxofficemojo.com:
1) Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby: $14.1 million ($114.7 million, third week)
Un, fucking, believable. That’s all we’ve got. How people still went to this movie in its third week when the Greatest Movie Ever Made is two theaters down is beyond us.
2) Snakes on a Plane: $13.9 million ($15.3 million, first week)
Absolutely unacceptable. How does the Greatest Movie Ever Made only make $15 fucking million on opening weekend? Motherfucking snakes on a motherfucking plane, people!
3) World Trade Center: $10.8 million ($45 million, second week)
Still bothered by the “Snakes on a Plane” numbers to bother making a joke about this.
4) Accepted: $10.1 million (first week)
Justin Long, John Cusack. John Cusack, Justin Long. I think you’ll find that you have a lot in common.
5) Step Up: $9.9 million ($39.4 million, second week)
Whither, “The Illusionist”?
At long, long last, All Snakes Day has arrived. So did the movie live up to the hype…?
Okay, so it’s not the Grestest Movie Ever Made, as I have insisted it would be all this time, but I have never had that much fun at a movie in my life. The first ten minutes of the movie are bad, bad, bad. Bad acting, bad dialogue, painful exposition…but then the plane takes off, and suddenly the movie explodes into the craziest deathfest you’ll ever see. My favorite detail was that it had a nice dose of mean. Innocents get taken down in equal numbers as the sinners. Beautiful.
I would also like to add, even for those of us with 93″ HDTV systems and who hate going to the movies, this is a movie that absolutely has to be seen in a theater, preferably late at night, with a rowdy crowd. When Samuel L. Jackson’s big line came, as gratuitous as it was, we yelled it out right along with him. The place went NUTS. Hot damn, was that fun. I can’t wait to see it again.
It’s still early on the west coast, so I’m going to wait for a bit, but “Snakes” director David Ellis said for me to call him today and tell him what I thought of the movie. If someone can think of a better response than “SNAKES ON A PLANE, MOTHERFUCKER!”, I’m all ears.
So let’s hear it, people. Did you see “Snakes on a Plane” last night? What did you think?
No doubt trying to cash in on the release of “Snakes on a Plane,” these bastards have beat Sam Jackson and Co. to the punch… and only three days earlier. Say it ain’t so!
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