Wow, dig that big-ass picture of Brad Pitt on the front cover of “Cutting Class,” the 1989 teen horror flick that provided Mr. Jolie with his first-ever leading role…or something approaching one, anyway. He’s actually third on the bill after Donovan Leitch and Jill Schoelen, but, hey, close enough. Still, what do you want to bet that he wasn’t as prominent on the original movie poster? (I couldn’t find a .jpg of it online, but the VHS release of the film at least offered equal space to pictures of Leitch and Schoelen as well.)
“Cutting Class” takes place in a high school full of stereotypical students and eccentric teachers, features a synth-heavy score and a soundtrack with several songs from Wall of Voodoo. Yep, sounds like an ‘80s film to me. In fact, there are several occasions when you get the very distinct impression that, at some point in the process of this film being pitched to the studios, someone used the phrase, “If John Hughes made a horror film…” Unfortunately, however, screenwriter Steve Slavkin is no John Hughes…and it shows. (He did, however, go on to write quite a few episodes of “Salute Your Shorts” for Nickelodeon, so it’s nice to know that he eventually found his niche.)
The flick revolves around three main characters: cheerleader Paula Carson (Schoelen), basketball star Dwight Ingalls (Pitt), and crazy guy Brian Woods (Leitch). We’re not talking “crazy” as in “wild and crazy,” by the way; we’re talking “just got released from a mental hospital after killing his dad” crazy. Brian’s got a crush on Paula, but Paula’s dating Dwight, so you know right away that this is definitely one of those love triangles that’s gonna end in a major slayfest. Added to the mix is the fact that Paula’s dad (Martin Mull) is the district attorney and was directly responsible for Brian being put away…so when Daddy goes on a hunting trip at the very beginning of the film and gets shot in the chest with an arrow, it looks juuuuuuust a little suspicious.
By the way, I hate to be Joe Spoiler, but in the interest of helping out anyone who may have just seen Martin Mull’s name and said, “Hey, I’ll watch anything that that guy’s in,” I should tell you that Mr. Mull gets almost no lines in the film. The majority of his time on screen occurs in conjunction with an excruciatingly unfunny running gag that literally lasts up until the credits roll, and it provides a closing joke that’s so terrible that it deserves to be followed by Patton Oswalt going, “Wackity smackity dooooooo!” Fortunately, getting more screen time is the late, great Roddy McDowall, who I still miss terribly to this day. (This was not long after his work in “Fright Night” and “Fright Night 2,” if you’re wondering.) He gets to have more fun than anyone else in the film, playing the lecherous principal who enjoys grabbing a peep at female students’ dainty underthings and scoring laughs every time he’s on the screen.
Pitt is the designated asshole of the film, but his greatest achievement is the introduction of what must surely be the most mood-killing thing ever to say to a woman who you’re trying to sleep with: while trying on her father’s clothes, he observes, “Your father’s a little bigger than I am…but, of course, I’m much bigger where it really counts.” Mind you, she’s not much better, coming back with the worst possible response to his amorous advances: “Not until your grades improve.” I’ve heard of conscientious girlfriends, but, wow, that’s one for the books. But, then, these are some really weird teenagers, anyway. They’re some seriously bold sons of bitches at this school, with Pitt heading to the front door of the school with a beer in his hand, only throwing it away at the last second, then having his friends come up a few minutes later, yelling about how they should all just go get more beer. So, what, was the drinking age still 18, or are they just unapologetic alcoholics? Also, Schoelen’s character is about as wishy-washy as they get. “Gosh, they gave me this key to the school files because I’m trustworthy! But ‘cause you’re hot, Brad Pitt, I’ll let you break in and look at the file of another student.” I’ve known some bad-asses in my time, but I’ve never known anyone who, for kicks, decided to break into their school and look at people’s permanent records.
Despite the amusement I might’ve had writing this entry, “Cutting Class” was a film that desperately needed to cut to the chase. It never seems to know if it wants to be a horror film, a comedy, or a teen drama, and none of the three aspects ever prove terribly interesting; the film drags throughout, to the point where, during the climactic metal shop duel, you’re begging for it to come to rapid conclusion. I’m in no way surprised that there are absolutely no special features on this DVD; I can’t imagine anyone in the cast or crew had any real interest in revisiting it. If Brad Pitt hadn’t been in “Cutting Class,” we’d probably have forgotten all about it by now. As it is, there isn’t even a trailer for the flick on YouTube…but as a substitute, here’s a Pringles commercial Mr. Pitt did right around the same time:
