Category: American Idol (Page 36 of 56)

American Idol: The Freak Show Resumes

Season 7 of the hit Fox reality show “American Idol” began last night, and it was with the usual stars and freaks that make it to the TV portion of the opening round. The first auditions were held in Philadelphia, so after they went through the usual crap about the Liberty Bell and Brotherly Love, it was on to the performances. And as always with these opening shows, there were highlights and lowlights.

First, the freaks….

“Yuka” sang a Bee Gees song, but before he did said something about how women find him sexy, and that he loves women from their “heads to their nipples.” Are you kidding me? Do I even have to tell you how his performance was?

James Lewis, a Philly tour guide who said his customers encouraged him to audition (note that these were tourists who would likely never see him again), said he was inspired by the likes of Eddie Vedder. So what does he sing? A standard, “Go Down Moses,” which he pretty much sang on one really low note, both literally and figuratively. Paula and Randy could not stop laughing, and neither could I.

Temptress Brown, a 16-year-old with an ailing mom (there are two hours to fill, people!), said she was a football player—a linebacker to be precise, so you know she is not small.
Temptress had an awful voice, and when the judges let her know this, she started crying uncontrollably. Even Simon was sympathetic though, and all three judges hugged Temptress and walked her out to her family.

Mark Hayes, an 18-year-old dude who can simulate cricket noise, attempted “White Christmas,” and then real crickets started chirping.

Then there was Udgeet. Seriously, did anyone named John or Joe or Lisa audition? Anyway, this dude admitted that in his day job at an auto finance company, he incorporated music and fun, doing things like MC Hammer impersonations. So ol’ Udgeet proceeded to sing Sinatra’s “My Way” on one note…seriously. Simon properly told him to go back to his day job.

Alexis Cohen, who they showed to be living in a crappy apartment with her mom and about 12 cats, seemed harmless at first, and then sang Jefferson Airplane’s “Somebody To Love.” Her voice wasn’t horrible, but she was shouting and appeared to be nervous and uncomfortable. Then when she got the bad news, it was like someone flipped a switch, or the producers egged her on, because Alexis went nuts, throwing F-bombs and attempting to moon Simon to the camera…thankfully without actually pulling her pants down.

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American Idol: Anti-Climactic All the Way

Last night’s “American Idol” grand finale had few big surprises, some good performances and a lot of the usual fluff. And of course, Jordin won. Not that the entire world, including the African Children’s Choir, didn’t see that coming.

It started out with Jordin and Blake singing the Beatles’ “I Saw Her Standing There,” which was okay and kind of fitting since Jordin is 17 and the lyrics are about a girl being “just 17.” Then they cut to Gwen Stefani wearing a cream puff and singing her new single while on tour…that was random, and mildly annoying.

Then Kelly Clarkson sang her new single, and it was both angry and great…her raspy growl is in fine form.

Then they started with that “Golden Idol” award crap. The best presentation went to Margaret Fowler, aka Big Bird. It was funny, especially when she kissed Ryan on the lips, but other than that forgettable. Then the top 6 guys from this season sang “Ooh Baby Baby” and Smoky Robinson came out to sing a medley with them….which was pretty decent.

Then it was a highlight of the show, as Blake came out to beatbox with Barry B. and Doug E. Fresh. Wow, I have no idea how they do that, and that’s what makes it so damn entertaining.

The next Golden Idol Award went to the most original vocal, and it was Sholandric, who I barely remembered from the auditions….yawn.

The 6 female finalists got to sing “Heard It Through The Grapevine,” and welcomed Gladys Knight to perform a medley with them. Tony Bennett was welcomed back after that to perform since he was sick after his mentoring a few months ago.

The Golden Idol award for “Best Buddies” went not to Simon & Ryan, but to Jonathan and Kenneth…..those guys were weird but are so funny to look at. Simon’s reference of Jonathan to a “bush baby” was validated when they showed a photo of an actual bush baby.

Then Melinda got to sing with BeBe and CeCe Winans, who she used to perform with as a backup singer. That was pretty cool. After that, Carrie Underwood came out and sang the Pretenders’ “I’ll Stand By You,” which she had performed last month in Africa for “Idol Gives Back.” It was boring, but then Clive Davis came out to present Carrie with an achievement award for selling 6 million albums. He also mentioned that Chris Daugtry’s album has sold 2.5 million. Wow.

Then came the African Children’s Choir, and they were great, but they followed that with Sanjaya singing “You Really Got Me,” complete with Joe Perry on guitar and crying girls in the audience. Green Day then sang John Lennon’s “Working Class Hero,” and it was kind of bland.

Taylor Hicks sang “Heaven Knows,” and it was okay. Are you sensing a pattern here? The whole show had a pretty bland theme.

Jordin and Ruben Studdard sang a duet together, and it was actually pretty good….though Ruben stood five feet away from Jordin for fear of knocking her over.

After that, Bette Midler came out and sang “Wind Beneath My Wings,” one of the sappiest songs of all time. It really wasn’t very good either, and I wish she would have sung “Rachelle Rachelle” instead.

Then came the Sgt. Pepper tribute, with all of the past champs except Fantasia contributing. Where was she anyway? Anyway, it was okay except for Carrie Underwood singing “She’s Leaving Home”….ugh, nothing like butchering a classic.

Finally it was the moment of truth…..the judges all but proclaimed Jordin the champ, and then Ryan made it official. Blake, you just couldn’t measure up with that sappy ballad. And since Jordin’s dad is a former New York Football Giant, I’m hoping her win is a good omen for my G-men this fall. Hey, I had to say it.

Folks, it’s been fun recapping this season with you…..by the time we meet again in January, Melinda will have out-sold both Blake and Jordin and we’ll be saying that it really doesn’t matter who wins this thing. Have a great summer everyone…..

American Idol: Breathe a Sigh of Relief

In the final faceoff of the season on “American Idol” last night, Blake Lewis and Jordin Sparks did very good, but there is one thing I noticed about them both….they were extremely relieved upon finishing their final song. Blake was like a kid on a sugar rush, and Jordin started crying during her last few notes. Then, it was in the hands of voters, and there was no more preparation or nerves….there is no decision, but they both knew that they could now relax and enjoy the grand finale.

Before we get to the performances by Blake and Jordin, we have to mention that Paula Abdul allegedly broke her nose after tripping over her dog at home. I wonder if the dog was waiting with a breathalyzer.

So this week the final two got to choose their favorite song from a past episode, another random song of their choice, and the song written by the winners of the songwriting competition on the show.

Blake started with Bon Jovi’s “You Give Love a Bad Name,” one of his shining moments from a few weeks back. It wasn’t quite as good as the first time, but still pretty damn good. Randy gave Blake a 10 out of 10 on the beatboxing, but said the vocals were just “aight.” Paula said he outdid himself, and Simon said Blake is a great performer but that the vocal was flat in the middle. His second choice was Maroon 5’s “She Will Be Loved,” and it was kind of mediocre. Randy said it was a nice vocal this time, Paula said it sounded great (she is a wuss with or without a broken nose), and Simon said it was good but safe, and not as good as the first song. Then Blake performed the winning song, “This Is My Now,” which was a horribly sappy, formulaic piece of crap…..it doesn’t matter if they leave this to professionals or everyday peeps, the result is always going to be something along the lines of Diane Warren Lite. Anyway, the song was clearly better suited for Jordin, because Blake sounded pretty bad singing it. Randy said the song didn’t suit him, but that it was still pretty good; Paula said he did a great job (of course she did), and Simon said it was a little odd, and “not you.” Taking nothing away from those songwriters, that song may have cost Blake the title.

Jordin started with Christina Aguilera’s “Fire,” a very ambitious song but one that she kind of grabbed by the balls to force out a decent performance. Randy said it wasn’t the greatest performance but that the vocal was stellar, Paula said it was stellar, and Simon was happy she chose a “younger” song, but that it was “shrieky.” He then said that Round One went to Blake. Jordin’s second choice was Martina McBride’s “Broken Wing,” and she hit it further out of the park than the first time she sang the song. It was the kind of performance that wins titles. Randy said Jordin is the most talented singer at her age the show has ever seen and that the performance was flawless, Paula said it was a great vocal, and Simon said “THAT was good.” Tie game? Maybe a slight edge to Jordin at this point. But then she took on the sappy “This Is My Now” and as you would expect, did a better job than Blake. Randy said Jordin was the best singer of the night, Paula said she was proud, and Simon said he didn’t think Jordin did well enough last week to win, but that he was wrong…..and that she had just “wiped the floor with Blake.” Yep, pretty much.

So while Blake hung in there for a long time and is one of the most unique contestants the show has ever seen, barring a miracle Jordin will be crowned the sixth American Idol tonight. I’m still bitter about Melinda, but in the end, despite what they want you to believe, this is NOT a singing competition…..rather, it’s a competition based on a combination of singing, performance and good looks….and Melinda didn’t have as much of the latter as the other two.

The show closed last night with Chris Daughtry playing “I”m Going Home,” the song that has been played at the end of each results show this whole season. That dude also was robbed last season, but he got the last laugh because he’s running rings around Taylor Hicks and Kat McPhee with his record sales. There is hope, Melinda.

See you all tomorrow as we wrap this sucker up.

As Fox releases its fall schedule, “Drive” fans get revved up for those last two episodes…

…but let’s get the bad news out of the way first: we asked Peter Liguori, Fox’s President of Entertainment, point blank as to whether the show might yet be saved if it somehow sets ratings records when its last two episodes air on July 4th.

His response: “As near and dear to my heart as that show is, I would say that that’s definitely a long shot.”

Ah, well. Not that anyone expected it would play out any differently, I’m sure, but it would’ve been nice if he’d gone out on a limb and, “By God, if that thing scores such-and-such a rating, then we sure WILL pick it back up!” But no such luck.

So, okay, now that we’re pretty sure about what isn’t going to be on Fox’s 2007 – 2008 fall schedule, let’s take a look at what will…but be forewarned about one thing: Fox is playing the game of having one schedule in the fall and one schedule in the spring. Not that that’s anything new, but it does show a certain amount of foresight to be willing to lay out their strategy this early.

MONDAY

The fall starts out with “Prison Break” in the 8 PM timeslot, followed by a new drama, “K-Ville,” which is already destined to create a stir because of its setting.

K-VILLE: From writer and executive producer Jonathan Lisco (“NYPD Blue,” “The District”) comes a heroic police drama set in New Orleans. Two years after Katrina, the city is still in chaos. Many cops have quit, and the jails, police stations and crime labs still haven’t been properly rebuilt. But the cops who remain have courage to burn and a passion to reclaim and rebuild their city. MARLIN BOULET (Anthony Anderson, “The Departed,” “The Shield”) is a brash, funny, in-your-face veteran of the NOPD’s Felony Action Squad, the specialized unit that targets the most-wanted criminals. Even when his partner deserted him during the storm, Boulet held his post, spending days in the water saving lives and keeping order. Now he’s unapologetic about bending the rules when it comes to collaring bad guys. Boulet’s new partner, TREVOR COBB (Cole Hauser, “The Break-Up,” “ER”), was a soldier in Afghanistan before joining the NOPD. He’s tough and committed, but if he’s less than comfortable with Boulet’s methods, it’s because he’s harboring a dark secret. Cobb has come to New Orleans seeking redemption, but redemption can be dangerous. Will Boulet be able to trust him? Will Cobb’s past endanger them both? Rounding out the crew of cops are hotheaded BILLY “K-9” FAUST (Maximiliano Hernández, “Law & Order,” “Shark”), who often speaks before thinking; wisecracking JEFF “GLUE BOY” GOODEN (Blake Shields, “Sleeper Cell,” “Veronica Mars”), the team’s comic relief; tough-as-nails GINGER “LOVE TAP” LeBEAU (Tawny Cypress, “Heroes”), the only female on the squad, who gives as good as she gets; and CAPTAIN JAMES EMBRY (John Carroll Lynch, “Zodiac,” “The Drew Carey Show”), who wrangles the eclectic personalities of his squad with equal parts humor and tenacity.

EXECUTIVE PRODUCER/WRITER: Jonathan Lisco
DIRECTOR: Deran Sarafian
CAST: Anthony Anderson as Marlin Boulet, Cole Hauser as Trevor Cobb, Maximiliano Hernández as Billy “K-9” Faust, Blake Shields as Jeff “Glue Boy” Gooden, Tawny Cypress as Ginger “Love Tap” LeBeau, John Carroll Lynch as Captain James Embry

Come January, “K-Ville” will apparently move to the 8 PM timeslot, and, upon its completion, “Prison Break” will return to that timeslot while “24” reclaims the 9 PM slot.

Oh, and check this out: another writer on the teleconference basically called Fox out on how crap “24” has been this season and wanted to know if things were gonna change next year. Having been put on the spot, Mr. Liguori responded thusly:

We’ve heard what the show’s loyal audience has said to us, and I’ll tell you that it’s really fuelled the show runners to be more daring with what they do next year. I’ve always likened ‘24’ to a James Bond movie – every one offers a different vision, different villains, a different love interest – and I have every confidence that Joel (Surnow), Bob (Cochran), and Howard (Gordon) will come back with a daring and loquacious swing at the plate with the next season of ’24,’ and I’m looking forward to next year.”

Nice comeback. We’ll see if his confidence turns out to be warranted…

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American Idol: Are You Kidding Me?

So tonight the unthinkable happened on “American Idol.” Melinda Doolittle was voted off. I have this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, kind of like when the Giants lost in the playoffs the last two seasons. But it’s more than that. Melinda was a lock. She had this thing in the bag. Well, this proves more than anything that the show is not a singing competition. We realized that when Sanjaya made it as far as he did. Melinda is simply this year’s Eliott Yamin–a great singer who didn’t have the marketable look that Jordin and Blake have. America can see talent, but it sure as hell can’t hear it.

It went down this way tonight….no farmer’s market, by the way….

They showed clips of each contestant when they went home last Friday and got to perform in front of and hang with their hometown friends, family and fans. Jordin in Phoenix, Blake in Seattle and Melinda in Nashville.

Elliott Yamin got to come out and sing his new single, and pimp his tour that starts tomorrow. He also got to sport his new teeth and hair. Dude looked like a weird cross between Greg Brady and Peter Brady, and his teeth looked so unnatural that it was disturbing. But he sounded great as usual, and gives hope for Melinda, who my wife predicted will be the next Clay Aiken.

Also, Maroon 5 came out of a five-year hiatus and performed their new single, “Makes Me Wonder.” The band sounded great but singer Adam Levine looked a bit disinterested, and frighteningly thin. But it’s good to have them back in action.

Then the results….first, Jordin was safe….and I felt like that was it for Blake. Then Ryan had Melinda come out front, surely to tell her she was also in the final. But no…it wasn’t to be…..when he said “Melinda, the journey ends for you tonight,” I thought it was a joke. And I know Melinda thought it was a joke. The judges all said the right thing, that she’s got a bright career ahead of her, blah blah blah. But you know they are all looking at each other now that the cameras are off, and shaking their heads.

Props to Jordin and Blake, but I’m telling you, America….you screwed this one up, big time. Enjoy the final next week that me and millions of others will not give a crap about. Then watch as Melinda sells more records than either one of the finalists. Yeah, I’m bitter. But I know I’m right. See you next week.

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