Category: Actresses (Page 256 of 258)

She really did it!

January 4, 2006 /

Because our own Mike Wazowski can’t get enough of me reporting on her, and since it seems to be big news everywhere else I’m turning today, the sad facts are in. yes, Lindsay Lohan tried drugs and battled bulimia. Although she wants you to know that she never did cocaine, because “it’s a sore spot.” As if her stomach, muscles, and joints aren’t? Ha! Now, now, I’d like to wish Lindsay all the best. It’s nice to see her filling out once more. This leads to me a burning question, however. Do vegans who become bulimics just turn to dust instantly?

And can we rename this site Premium Lohan?

Actresses, News

Paltrow goes off deep end, plans to take baby with her

January 4, 2006 /

Gwyneth Paltrow may have played a loonybird onscreen more than once (“Sylvia,” “Proof”), but this time she’s been wolfing down crazy pills with nary a camera in sight.

Paltrow and her Grammy-winning husband, Chris Martin, have reportedly shelled out perfectly good money to install “birthing pools” in both their New York and London homes so that Paltrow can give birth to the couple’s second child underwater.

Not that the idea of relaxing in a hot tub instead of being trussed up in hospital stirrups with the entire cast of “Scrubs” peering up your Baby Expressway doesn’t hold a certain appeal…but is this wise?

A friend of Paltrow’s is quoted as saying the birth will be “special” and “spiritual”, and that Gwyneth has done “loads of research” on the topic. Sounds like her research failed to unearth one fairly well-established equation: water + lungs = dead baby.

Better hit those books a little harder, Gwynnie…

Actresses, Gossip, News

Material Girl hawks wine for Celebrity Cellars

January 3, 2006 /

Surely no true oenophile’s collection is complete without several bottles of wine plastered with images of an aging songstress arching her back in orgasmic dance-floor ecstasy. Never fear: Now you too can be the proud owner of this very same wine, for just $25-$40 a bottle!

Madonna’s wine is described as being “as complex and sophisticated as the artist herself,” and discriminating consumers may choose Cabernet Sauvignon, Pinot Grigio, or even UnWine, a “de-alcoholized red table wine.”

Wouldn’t that be, um, grape juice?

Maybe; maybe not. The site doesn’t specify. But grape juice or not, what UnWine definitely is, is a ridiculous clever marketing ploy. Current interstate alcohol shipping regulations only allow real wine to be shipped to 13 of the 50 states…but UnWine carries no such restrictions. So drink up, Florida! Raise a glass, Ohio! Party on, you other 35 unlucky states: Your UnWine is waiting, and no matter how much of it you drink, you’ll NEVER get hung over.

Ah, that Madonna: Always thinking about the little guy, bless her money-grubbing Kabbalah-worshipping soul. To order your own overpriced bottle of highly eroticized grape juice, click here.

Actresses, News

Lohan in it again

January 3, 2006 /

No, not a car wreck, but the hospital this time. Yes, Lindsay Lohan has been hospitalized for an asthma attack. This is what she gets for being too intimate with Herbie while he’s fully loaded and she was sucking fumes off his tail pipe. Ah well, even though her new album sucks a big one (her cover of “I Want You To Want Me” is ultra-creepy given the context of the rest of the album being a series of melodramatic messages thrown at her father), she’s still more entertaining than Ashlee Simpson and would never let a little old thing like asthma sideline her entire career.

Actresses, News

Kevin Arnold, gay prodigal Hollywood failure

January 3, 2006 /

Fred Savage, former cute-as-a-button star of TV’s “Wonder Years,” is all growed up now…and will prove it by shaking up his image with a new comedy to air on ABC starting January 12. Called “The Crumbs,” the sitcom features Savage as Mitch, the “gay prodigal son who returns home from a failed Hollywood career,” and also stars Jane Curtin as the mother recently released from a psychiatric ward. TV stalwart William Devane–always thisclose to becoming a parody of himself–will play Savage’s skirt-chasing father, who is divorced from Curtin’s character.

The talent involved with the show is intriguing, but this one doesn’t exactly have “breakout hit” written all over it. It’s got a lousy title (reminiscent of Fox’s Randy Quaid dud “The Grubbs” from a few years back), and the script includes multiple references to Mitch’s deceased brother…because dead siblings are always comedy GOLD!

Savage himself admits that studio audiences viewing early tapes of the show “laugh at the wrong places, or don’t laugh at all sometimes.” He insists that this is a good thing, as it means they’re hitting a different tone than the standard sitcom slush — and he might be right about that. These dysfunctional characters just might have the next “Arrested Development” on their hands.

Then again, they might not. As Daniel Stern would likely narrate in voiceover at this point in the show, “Sometimes you just have to wait and see what happens.”

Actors, Actresses, TV

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