Author: Will Harris (Page 259 of 261)

Will is a member of the Television Critics Association and has written for Decider.com, the Onion A.V. Club, The Dissolve, Indiewire, Rhino.com, TV Week Magazine, The Virginian-Pilot, Popdose.com, and EW.com along with writing for Bullz-Eye.com and Premium Hollywood.

So long, “Threshold”…? (And good riddance, “Night Stalker”…!)

Over at The Futon Critic, it’s being reported that production has stopped on “Threshold,” CBS’s entry into the ever-growing field of sci-fi drama. Good lord, America, have mercy on this great show! I mean, the cast includes Carla Gugino, Charles S. Dutton, Peter Dinklage, and Brent Spiner, for God’s sake; you’ve got a sexy woman, a well-respected character actor, a sci-fi legend, and, um, Peter Dinklage. (Actually, he’s such a good actor and so funny that, when the camera isn’t focusing on his height, you can totally forget that he’s vertically challenged…)

Meanwhile, good riddance to bad rubbish with “The Night Stalker” being cancelled. Stay tuned to Bullz-Eye.com for the review of the original version of the show on DVD, but, trust me, you didn’t miss anything with this new version. It might’ve been okay in and of itself, but it bore so little resemblance to the Darren McGavin version that it might as well have been called something else altogether. All it really did was borrow a title and some character names…and that’s really about it.

He waxed off for the last time…

Mr. Miyagi is dead.

I just got the CNN Obituary via E-mail a few minutes ago.

Man, I’m gonna be bummed for the rest of the day.

Not only did I think he was hilarious on those early seasons of “Happy Days,” but I even remember his show “Mr. T and Tina,” from the late ’70s. And has anyone ever seen his movie w/ Jay Leno…? Not great. But that guy always had charisma in anything he did…

So long, Pat. Wax on, wax off, indeed…

Least shocking announcement EVERRRRRRR.

Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey have officially separated.

So here, then, are the top 6 jokes that can be written based solely on the information contained within the Associated Press article about the separation:

6. There is no truth to the rumor that Simpson will be recording a cover of Tammy Wynette’s “D-I-V-O-R-C-E.” Her management assures us that “spelling is not Jessica’s strong suit.”
5. At the time we went to press, MTV had not officially confirmed the greenlighting of “Newlydivorced: Nick and Jessica.”
4. ABC will be re-running last year’s hour-long holiday spectacular, “Nick and Jessica’s Family Christmas,” but it will be split into two 30-minute specials.
3. Jessica Simpson will be penning a sequel to her best-selling book, “I Do: Achieving Your Dream Wedding.” It will be called “Well, I Did…But It Didn’t Take: How To Divorce a Pop Star. ”
2. Lachey’s former bandmates in the boy band 98 Degrees issued the following statement to Nick: “Nice work on derailing the gravy train, dumbass.”
1. In a statement to the press, Simpson and Lachey announced, “After three years of marriage, and careful thought and consideration, we have decided to part ways.” A subsequent addendum was later issued, clarifying, “Actually, Nick did most of the careful thinking.”

Dear Santa, please bring me the Matt Helm box set…

Dean Martin as a secret agent…?

Sold.


Actually, the Matt Helm flicks were a major influence on Mike Myers when he put together the “Austin Powers” movies, but, seriously, Dino coasts through these movies just like he did his TV series: with a wink and a smile…and a paycheck.

THE SILENCERS: The first of the series of Matt Helm films, the big cheese of Big O, an organization that wants to sabotage the American atomic missile system. It’s up to secret agent Helm to save the day.

MURDERER’S ROW: The handsome top agent Matt dies a tragic death in his bathtub – the women mourn about the loss. However it’s just faked for his latest top-secret mission: He shall find Dr. Solaris, inventor of the Helium laser beam, powerful enough to destroy a whole continent. It seems Dr. Solaris has been kidnapped by a criminal organization. The trace leads to the Cote D’Azur.

THE AMBUSHERS: A government space saucer is hijacked mid-flight by a powerful laser beam under the control of Jose Ortega, who then proceeds to rape the female pilot, Sheila Sommars. ICE sends agent Matt Helm to Acapulco with Sheila to recover the saucer, under the guise of Matt taking fashion photographs of beautiful models. Matt is temporarily sidetracked, falling prey to the seductive charms of enemy agent Franceca Madeiros.

THE WRECKING CREW: The count has stolen enough gold to cause a financial crisis in the world markets so I.C.E. sends in ace spy Matt Helm to stop him. As Matt works alone, the British send in Freya to aid Matt, but it seems that Freya causes more problems than she solves.

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