Author: Jason Zingale (Page 125 of 154)

Having sex with a young, single schoolteacher? Hot. Having sex with a young, single schoolteacher who happens to have Chlamydia? A different kind of hot.

So, you’ve just split up with your wife, only to discover that she’s now dating your older brother. What do you do? Track down his ex-wife and plan revenge, of course. Well, that’s what Tommy Gavin would do anyways, and it certainly helps when that woman looks like Marissa Tomei. The chances that Tommy actually stays with her after they’ve had their fun, however? About ten percent. It also doesn’t help that he might have the Little C (“Chlamydia,” as cleared up by Lou, who informs Tommy that the Big C is actually reserved for Cancer), compliments of Ms. Turbity, who’s just been arrested for “raping” a couple of her students; and Damien isn’t even one of the kids mentioned.

Can we all agree that things are getting just a little out of hand? First, Alisha “kidnaps” Keela from right under Franco’s nose. Then, Jerry finally hooks up with his lady friend on the same day that Ginny’s brother agrees to help him out with the cost of assisted living, only to have the check torn apart in his face. And finally, there’s Probie, who may just have the most fucked-up relationship of them all. Aside from getting voluntary blowjobs from his male roommate (despite their claims that neither one is gay), the two engage in random fistfights only to make up several seconds later.

It’s official: the series is digging its own grave, and no one can be blamed except for star Denis Leary, who pulls double duty on the show as the head writer, as well. What else is there to say? After last week’s controversial “rape” scene between Tommy and Janet (which received a good deal of exposure from major publications like the Boston Globe), it seems like Leary and writing/producer partner Peter Tolan are going for pure shock value in order to boost the ratings for the series. What a sad, sad world we live in…

Reason #1,632 why I love Sam Raimi

You could wait for “Superman Returns” to see the new teaser trailer for the third Spider-Man flick, but if you consider yourself a true fanboy, be sure to hop on over to Apple.com and check out the advanced screener RIGHT NOW. Here’s a few things you’ll see:

1) Tobey Maguire rockin’ the all-new black Spidey suit
2) Proof that the suit is indeed controlled by the infamous alien symbiote (Venom baby!)
3) Thomas Hayden Church (as the Sandman) in all his CGI goodness

And last, but certainly not least…

4) James Franco as the new Green Goblin

Unfortunately, no shots of Venom were revealed (except a quick shot of Topher Grace as Eddie Brock), but do you seriously expect Sony to release any shots of one of the most famous comic book villains a whole YEAR before the film is released? I didn’t think so. Anyways, check it out now at http://www.apple.com/trailers/sony_pictures/spider-man_3/ and then stop back here to post your thoughts.

Party of Five

With Carl Spackler out of commission this week, I took on the difficult task of discussing the latest episode of “Entourage.” I say “difficult” because, with only 20-odd minutes of show airing each week, the writers always seem to find plenty of room to cram in as much story as possible. And with that said, it’s really no surprise to see that they’ve also managed to slide in a whole another character that is sure to stir things up in the coming weeks. In fact, New York bad boy (and childhood friend) Dom has already begun to make a dent on Vince and his crew, showing up uninvited at the house after the boys returned from a celebratory dinner with Ari. Released from prison on probation, Dom doesn’t take long to jump into the game, single-handedly taking over everyone’s duties (cooking, driving, etc.) in one afternoon.

Luckily, Vince seems to have found a new task for the bullheaded criminal – head of security – and while the rest of the guys make an appearance alongside Vince for the opening of the new Aquaman ride at Six Flags, they’re not too pleased with the decision. This probably isn’t a good move on Vinnie’s part (there’s a reason the character was introduced this season), and I don’t doubt for one second that Dom will be causing some serious damage to Vince’s career.

Meanwhile, Ari’s got some problems of his own. About three feet’s worth. A little brat named Max (who also happens to be the star of “Young 21 Jump Street”) is wooing his only daughter, and while she appears smitten with the pint-sized actor, Ari has more important things to worry about than a child actor dating his little girl. And while Ari didn’t play as big of a role in this week’s episode, the money scene of the night still goes to him. While spying on his daughter during her late night chat with Max on AOL Instant Messenger, Ari decides to sneak into her room and steal her laptop. His reasoning? His laptop is “on the fritz.” Classic. Then again, it’s also not a bad parenting move.

Once, twice, three times a man

It’s true: every woman in Tommy’s life is crazy. Sheila wants to have his baby; Maggie wants him to stop pestering Garrity (despite his recent claim of love for her); Ms. Turbity wants to be his booty call; and Janet, well, she’s apparently okay with being practically raped by him. No joke. After coming over to discuss their post-marriage financial situation (i.e. who gets what), Tommy throws her down and rips off her shirt. Janet is hesitant at first, and even clocks him a good one, but soon enough she’s moaning along with the good times. Tommy leaves with a wink, and Janet finds a change of clothes just in time before Johnny gets home. Is this how it’s going to be from now on? Oh brother.

Meanwhile, as Jerry struggles to keep awake during both of jobs, and Franco stresses over his rich MILF girlfriend, Probie’s situation at home gets even stranger. Apparently, the two roommates aren’t gay, but Probie doesn’t mind getting a blowjob from his buddy while watching the hockey game, and his buddy doesn’t mind doing the giving. Uh-kay. I’m pretty sure that indicates that they’re both a little homosexual, even though Probie claims he will never be on the giving end. It doesn’t matter dude, and yes, oral sex is considered sex. You needn’t go any further than old Clinton jokes to figure that one out.

This subplot is getting more fucked up by the week, but at least Lou’s depressed drunkard act looks to be coming to a close. Franco finally confronted him about that night he saw him toasted on the street, and after a small chat with a homeless man about who’s a bigger loser, Lou went to Tommy for help. Thank god! Any longer and I would have been officially sick and tired of the series taking chances. Then again, I’m still waiting for this whole Probie thing to get cleared up. Either make him gay or don’t; it doesn’t really matter. What does matter, however, is the careful is-he-or-isn’t-he slinking around that the writers seem so proud of adding as a twist. It’s not clever guys, so make up your minds. Or at least make up his…

DVD shuffle: 06/20/06

Out on DVD this week:

1) The Hills Have Eyes – BUY: Wow. I was absoultely blown away by this film. It’s not amazing by any stretch of the imagination, but it’s one fine piece of action/horror. Also, the single-disc release for the film is one of the year’s best.

2) Night Watch – RENT: Okay, so this wasn’t as great as the trailer made it out to be, but it’s still a very unique entry into the vampire/fantasy genre, and with two more installments on the way, how could you resist?

3) Syriana – PASS: Zzzzzzzzzzzz… Wait a minute. George Clooney actually won an award for this crap?

4) Eight Below – PASS: For those of you who thought “March of the Penguins” was boring, well, you get the picture.

Also out this week are special editions of “What’s Eating Gilbert Grape?” and “The Omen,” season five releases of “King of Queens” and “Married… With Children,” and a whole slew of Superman-themed discs.

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