John Stewart will host the Oscars on March 5.
Of course, I would still be watching if someone incredibly annoying–like, say, Chrissie Hynde, for instance, or even Lindsay Lohan–were hosting…but this is still excellent news.
Author: Deb Medsker (Page 65 of 70)
In a sure sign of a slow news day, the Associated Press reported Tuesday that Donald Trump enjoys his current job, and will not be running for Governor of the state of New York. Presumably, Trump will also not be running for mayor, dogcatcher, Best Personality, or President of the Hair Club for Men.
New Yorkers responded in kind by announcing that they won’t not vote for him, for those offices, nor any others, once the election rolls around.
Gwyneth Paltrow may have played a loonybird onscreen more than once (“Sylvia,” “Proof”), but this time she’s been wolfing down crazy pills with nary a camera in sight.
Paltrow and her Grammy-winning husband, Chris Martin, have reportedly shelled out perfectly good money to install “birthing pools” in both their New York and London homes so that Paltrow can give birth to the couple’s second child underwater.
Not that the idea of relaxing in a hot tub instead of being trussed up in hospital stirrups with the entire cast of “Scrubs” peering up your Baby Expressway doesn’t hold a certain appeal…but is this wise?
A friend of Paltrow’s is quoted as saying the birth will be “special” and “spiritual”, and that Gwyneth has done “loads of research” on the topic. Sounds like her research failed to unearth one fairly well-established equation: water + lungs = dead baby.
Better hit those books a little harder, Gwynnie…
Surely no true oenophile’s collection is complete without several bottles of wine plastered with images of an aging songstress arching her back in orgasmic dance-floor ecstasy. Never fear: Now you too can be the proud owner of this very same wine, for just $25-$40 a bottle!
Madonna’s wine is described as being “as complex and sophisticated as the artist herself,” and discriminating consumers may choose Cabernet Sauvignon, Pinot Grigio, or even UnWine, a “de-alcoholized red table wine.”
Wouldn’t that be, um, grape juice?
Maybe; maybe not. The site doesn’t specify. But grape juice or not, what UnWine definitely is, is a ridiculous clever marketing ploy. Current interstate alcohol shipping regulations only allow real wine to be shipped to 13 of the 50 states…but UnWine carries no such restrictions. So drink up, Florida! Raise a glass, Ohio! Party on, you other 35 unlucky states: Your UnWine is waiting, and no matter how much of it you drink, you’ll NEVER get hung over.
Ah, that Madonna: Always thinking about the little guy, bless her money-grubbing Kabbalah-worshipping soul. To order your own overpriced bottle of highly eroticized grape juice, click here.
Fred Savage, former cute-as-a-button star of TV’s “Wonder Years,” is all growed up now…and will prove it by shaking up his image with a new comedy to air on ABC starting January 12. Called “The Crumbs,” the sitcom features Savage as Mitch, the “gay prodigal son who returns home from a failed Hollywood career,” and also stars Jane Curtin as the mother recently released from a psychiatric ward. TV stalwart William Devane–always thisclose to becoming a parody of himself–will play Savage’s skirt-chasing father, who is divorced from Curtin’s character.
The talent involved with the show is intriguing, but this one doesn’t exactly have “breakout hit” written all over it. It’s got a lousy title (reminiscent of Fox’s Randy Quaid dud “The Grubbs” from a few years back), and the script includes multiple references to Mitch’s deceased brother…because dead siblings are always comedy GOLD!
Savage himself admits that studio audiences viewing early tapes of the show “laugh at the wrong places, or don’t laugh at all sometimes.” He insists that this is a good thing, as it means they’re hitting a different tone than the standard sitcom slush — and he might be right about that. These dysfunctional characters just might have the next “Arrested Development” on their hands.
Then again, they might not. As Daniel Stern would likely narrate in voiceover at this point in the show, “Sometimes you just have to wait and see what happens.”
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