“Doogal”
This animated film based on the popular children’s novel is the biggest waste of time you’ll ever come across on DVD, and while it boasts a respectable voice cast led by Jon Stewart as the evil wizard Zeebad, I wouldn’t wish this garbage on even the most infantile of viewers. Case in point: my DVD player has never experienced a shorter spin.
“Dirty Dozen: Double Feature”
You won’t find the classic original film anywhere on this two-disc set, but rather the second (“The Deadly Mission”) and third (“The Fatal Mission”) made-for-TV sequels starring Telly Savalas. I could go on and on about how bad these movies really are, but if you’ve ever seen the first sequel (“The Next Mission”), then you know exactly what to expect.
“Aquamarine”
The “Splash”-esque teen comedy gets worse the longer you watch it, and you could even color yourself heroic for doing so. I actually managed to sit through the first twenty minutes before finally turning it off. The reason? Bad acting and a ruthless script filled with lines like “you scared the salt out of me.” Oh, and I was finished with dinner, too.
“Room 6”
Hollywood orphans Christine Taylor and Jerry O’Connell star in this shoddy direct-to-DVD horror flick about a haunted hospital and its staff of vampire lesbian nurses. The film gets more ridiculous with each passing minute, and though the opening sequence could be considered at least a little creepy, the ending is like a stroll through your local haunted house.
“Candy Stripers”
Small town invaded by aliens. Aliens possess sexy candy stripers. Candy stripers hunt men to use for breeding. Dopey guy saves the day. The end.
