Look at those cute little faces…those adorable whiskers and furry little tails. You wouldn’t want anything to happen to them, would you? That would be a travesty.
And yet…you clearly don’t care what happens to them at all. If you did, you would have voted the Grey-Haired Kitty Murderer off of American Idol weeks ago, safely preventing him from publicly uttering the words that will send these adorably fuzzy little bundles of cuddliness careening to their fully avoidable deaths at the bottom of the Scioto River.
Now, so far the kittens have remained safe. Because of unavoidable schedule conflicts (and, in one case, a Kitty-Protecting Husband with a twitchy DVR-erase finger), I have not actually seen Taylor Cocker perform his reanimated-corpse-like dance moves and utter his inane mantra since I first voiced my kitty drowning threat.
But this is getting ridiculous. The Soul Patrol must be stopped. Taylor must not be permitted to continue dancing like a zombie from the “Thriller” video and repeating his idiotic catch phrase all over the airwaves for weeks and weeks to come. This Grey Goose needs to be cooked, and soon.
Taylor must not win American Idol. The lives of the kitties depend on it.
You don’t hate kitties, do you?
Okay, then. You know what to do.
