Don’t look now, but “Saturday Night Live” is getting funny again. Thanks to a massive infusion of good young talent, featuring Bill Hader, Andy Samberg, Kristin Wiig and Jason Sudeikis, “SNL” is better than it’s been in years, due in large part to the now-famous Digital Shorts “Lazy Sunday” and “A Day in the Life of Natalie Portman.” The kids are the stars…
…and you better believe that the repertory players know it. Screen time for nearly all of the veterans has dropped to the point where many of them are making their first appearance in the “five to one-er” (the last skit of the night). I smell blood in the water, and expect there to be a massive overhauling of the cast in the offseason. But don’t take my word for it: Lorne Michaels has already said as much as early as December. I’d link to the article, but it’s the New York Times, and you have to pay per piece online. Fuck that.
And so, I decided to go through the cast of repertory players (there is no doubt in our minds that all featured players will be repertory players next season) and predict which ones will be back for another year.
Fred Armisen: Stays. Fred isn’t the funniest guy on the staff – if anything, he is the king of uncomfortable humor, like his Indian standup comedian and those Goddamned Nuni skits – but he’s game for anything (three words: Camilla Parker Bowles) and does enough writing to keep himself involved each week. Loved his George Carlin impression during the Sean Penn Celebrity Roast, though. And the Prince Show. Always love the Prince Show. Pity Prince was too cool for school to appear on it when he was the musical guest.
Rachel Dratch: Gone. This is a bittersweet prediction, as I saw Rachel numerous times when she was a member of Second City, and she was always a ton of fun to watch. But her funniest skit was Sully & Denise, starring former cast member Jimmy Fallon. Everything else they’ve given her – Debbie Downer, Abe Sheinwald, Sheldon – should never have become recurring skits. And don’t even get me started on that deformed baby thing. She’s become the butt of every joke, and she deserves better than that. Expect her to walk.
Tina Fey: Gone. This one hurts the most. She is the best “Weekend Update” anchor in the show’s history, and as head writer has come up with some of “SNL’s” best work of the last nine years. But she just had a baby, and is starting her own show (currently dubbed “Untitled Tina Fey Project”), along with writing another movie (“Curly Oxide and Vic Thrill”). That’s an awful lot on one plate, which means something has to give. Sadly, we think it’s “SNL.” Man, I hope I’m wrong about this one.
Will Forte: Stays. Every show needs a straight man, and for “SNL” that man is Will. Plus, that Zell Miller impression is to die for. Think that vein in his forehead will ever pop?
Darrell Hammond: Stays. The ability to do impressions of every news personality is a huge plus (though I miss the Hardball skits), not to mention Trump, Cheney, and…Don Knotts? Wow, was that awesome, even if he didn’t look a thing like him. The new kids’ talents as master impressionists – Hader and Wiig are possibly the best impressionists the show has ever seen – is going to feed right into Hammond’s wheelhouse. He’s not going anywhere.
Seth Meyers: Stays. The biggest stone cold lead pipe lock of them all. He takes over as head writer when Tina Fey leaves, which means we should prepare for lots and lots of Appalachian Emergency Room and Needlers skits. Luckily for me, I think those skits are hilarious.
Finesse Mitchell: Gone. Where’s a brother gonna get some screen time? Finesse has been getting shafted left and right lately, and unlike Tracey Morgan, he doesn’t have the arsenal of recurring skits (Brian Fellows, Astronaut Jones) to guarantee him some face time. If I were him, watching all these punk-ass kids taking all of the scenes, I’d start working on a new standup routine and hit the road, jack.
Chris Parnell: Stays. He and Andy Samberg are clearly brothers from another mother, and their love of rap satire will carry both of them for years to come. A straight man in the Will Forte mold, but also willing to let it all hang out (Tyler in the Appalachian Emergency Room skits, Merv the Perv), Parnell may not be a marquee name, but his influence is undeniable.
Amy Poehler: Stays. An even bigger lock than Seth Meyers. She’s the only female cast member to get as much or more time than Kristen Wiig, and they will need her to usher in the new era of Weekend Update once Tina Fey leaves. Oh, and she’s also the funniest woman on the cast, though Wiig is giving her a run for her money.
Maya Rudolph: Gone. I love Maya, but she’s done. She, like Tina Fey, just had a baby, and isn’t getting into nearly enough skits to justify working the crazy hours that go into putting an “SNL” show together. She was in, what, one skit in the Matt Dillon episode? Why even bring her back from maternity leave? Of course, losing her means losing the Prince Show, and that is unfortunate. On the plus side, it means that we never had to see that annoying-as-fuck Nuni skit with Fred Armisen. Are you getting the impression that I don’t like the Nuni skit?
Horatio Sanz: Gone. Simply put, he hasn’t been the same since Jimmy Fallon left. He provided invaluable support to every Sully & Denise skit, not to mention his bits in Jarred’s Room as Gobi and those Hussein/Bin Laden skits that degenerated into uncontrollable fits of laughter, something that would have been frowned upon by the “SNL” founding fathers. He was a sport for filling in for Tina Fey on Weekend Update when she was on maternity leave, but all of his partners in crime are gone, and he seems to be adrift these days. The biggest fear in this prediction being true: there will be a “Boat Trip 2.” But we kid; not even Sanz would sign on for that movie.
Kenan Thompson: Stays: He has ten times the versatility of Finesse Mitchell, and his Deep House Dish skits are money (yes, Rachel Dratch is his co-host, but all he does is humiliate her, which is pretty much what everyone does to Dratch these days. She can be replaced, no harm done). And even if he didn’t have those, there is his spot-on impression of Bill Cosby. Besides, how do you get rid of the co-star of what will surely be the most successful cult movie of all time, “Snakes on a Plane“?
One last thought: I find it curious that the page that contained links to all of the cast biographies featured a picture of Will Ferrell and Cheri Oteri. What a slap in the face of the current cast. Shame on you, Lorne.
