So American Idol took its show on the road to Greensboro, North Carolina tonight. They said at the beginning of the show that the Southeast has brought us AI alum such as Clay Aiken, Fantasia, and Bo Bice. But for the two days in Greensboro, not that many made it to Hollywood.
Let’s start with the talent that did make it to Hollywood….Kellie, a 19 year old cute blonde whose mom left her when she was 2 and whose dad is in prison, turned out to be very pleasant and have a monster voice. Hallicia was told by Simon that she was a “natural” and even got to plant a wet one on Simon….right on the lips! Ewwwww. Sgt. Steven had the hots for Paula and even slow danced with her to the delight of Randy and Simon. But the best part is we found out he had a wife who was waiting outside the door. He then said to his wife, “It’s okay, it’s Paula Abdul, she can join in too.” I bet Randy and Simon would pay to watch that. Chase, a large feminine dude who resembled Big Gay Al from “Southpark” amazingly got through to the next round. Paris, a singer with a famous grandmother, gave judges and my wife the chills….I didn’t get chills but predict she is a top 12 finalist. And then we found out Simon had a heart when, as the deciding vote on Jordan, the dude dressed as a firefigher, gave him the green light to Hollywood.
The bad ones tonight were worse than usual….a couple of them claimed that they thought they had good voices because they could sing in the shower or when no one was listening. Uh, not good to put yourself into this situation then right off the bat. Shawn, the dude dressed like a waiter, was awful when he tried to sing standards, but the funniest part was his little brother was mouthing off to the camera about how everyone would be sorry. No doubt Shawn has found his agent. Chonna, who was dressed like a stripper and said that her mom used to be a stripper, was awful as well. Other lowlights were Jimmy Crabtree, who Simon said had the “personality of a hippo”……Sammy, the limp-wristed fat dude who sang Paula Abdul’s “Straight Up” while shaking his mighty large ass….Ronda, who had a cute speaking voice but looked ridiculous in her pink cowboy hat and then said she wants this “more than a bag of gummy bears”…..Richard, whose ventriloquist dummy had more talent than he did…..Marcus, who said he learned how to sing watching his Randy Jackson/Paula Abdul instructional DVD, then after getting rejected promptly destroyed the DVD right there on national TV….and finally, Ronetta, who was dressed like a hooker and sang like, I don’t know, a hooker? She certainly didn’t sing like a singer, and she took it out on Paula.
The show ended with a “Fame” montage, and everything about that was painful to watch. Again, did this show really have to be two hours long? Tomorrow night they are in San Francisco, and I can only imagine what kinds of characters will be on display. Good night all….
