Welcome to the first in an ongoing series, where we’ll be examining famous and infamous guest-star turns from throughout television history.
Show: “Hawaii Five-O”
Episode: “Cry, Lie” (Season 2)
Role: Eddie Calhao, a mustachioed attorney who thinks he’s real tough stuff because he’s running a behind-the-scenes operation which involves framing McGarrett’s right-hand man, Detective Chin-Ho. Eddie’s the kind of guy who throws out one-liners like, “You’ve gotta learn to use the media,” or, “Unfortunately, some violence has always been connected with progress. Unfortunately, I say.” He rarely gets his own hands dirty, preferring to let his underlings do the hard work for him while he reaps the benefits. Meanwhile, poor Chin-Ho’s world is collapsing around his ears, and McGarrett is getting pissed off about it, so he starts trying to unravel the mystery, which leads to the interrogation of banker Austin Summers. Summers, as it happens, is one of the aforementioned underlings, and he starts to twitch under McGarrett’s steely gaze, so as soon as he leaves the police station, Summers immediately runs Eddie. Eddie basically just tells him to keep cool, offering financial incentive for his continued silence. (“Ten thousand dollars should help chase the butterflies away. What say you?”) But when further moves are made to ruin Chin-Ho’s name, McGarrett decides that it’s not business anymore. It’s personal.
Sheen doesn’t interact with anyone in the regular “Five-O” cast until the 43-minute mark of the episode, so when Eddie’s approached by McGarrett while sitting alone in a restaurant, the inherent drama in their encounter is comparable to the Pacino / DeNiro sitdown in “Heat.” Or not. But it is pretty funny to watch McGarrett walk in, sit down at Eddie’s table, and, without saying a word, pull out a business card and begin scribbling something on the back of it. Finally, McGarrett breaks the silence.
McGarrett: My office number is right on the card, but I’ll give you my home number, too.
Eddie: Well, who are you?
McGarrett: (Points to the card) The name is right there. In case you wanna come in and…talk.
Eddie: About what? The weather?
McGarrett: Yeah, the weather…a frame on an innocent cop…protection…
Eddie: Protection? What, are you crazy?
McGarrett: Maybe. But I just had a talk with Carl Brohme, and I don’t think he thinks I’m crazy. But you never know about Carl. I’ve seen him switch right in the heat of battle. Aloha, Eddie.
And with that, McGarrett smirks, stands up, and walks away.
Eddie’s appropriately rattled, and he only becomes more so when he returns to his office and finds it completely disheveled. He grabs the phone and books himself a ticket off the island, but as soon as he runs out of the building and onto the street, he’s startled by the sound of gunfire…specifically, someone shooting at him! He spots two shadowy figures running toward him, and, suddenly, Eddie’s on the run for his life through a construction site, with guns blazing behind him. As a result, when he hears police sirens, he immediately opts for the lesser of two evils and starts yelling for their assistance. What luck: McGarrett himself is there! Eddie demands protection from Carl Brohme, but McGarrett – with a twinkle in his eyes – demands dates, places, “the whole set-up.” Frightened for his life, Eddie agrees…but immediately after he rides away in the back of a squad car, it’s revealed that the “shadowy figures” were actually Kono and Danno! Okay, so you might’ve seen that coming…but what you probably didn’t figure was that they were shooting real bullets!
“You aimed a little close,” says McGarrett. “He was really shook.”
“No more than he deserved,” replies Danno.
Here’s an alternate ending I’d like to have seen: Chin Ho is exonerated on all charges, but Danno accidentally kills Eddie and is brought up on manslaughter charges.
The last line? “Go book yourself, Danno.”
