…but with the writer’s strike showing no end in sight and the stockpile of scripted programming slipping a little farther away from us each week, I’m less and less enthused about reality television every day. Not that I was ever all that thrilled with it to begin with, but I’ve occasionally managed to find shows within the genre that I found interesting. The thing is, there’s “interesting,” and then there’s “car wreck TV,” where you know you shouldn’t watch but find you just can’t turn away, and the latter category has produced two particularly notable new entries – one on broadcast TV, one on cable – which make me want to throw my hands in the air and yell, “Sweet Jesus, what is wrong with these people?” And while I can’t entirely recommend them as must-see television, I feel as though I have to give them a shout-out of some sort, if only because they’ve successfully provoked that kind of reaction from me.
Crowned: The Mother of All Pageants (The CW, 12/12, 9:00 PM): A show about a mother-daughter beauty pageant? Yeah, it’s not exactly what you’d call testosterone-laden, so if it makes you feel better, we’ll call it a guilty pleasure straight out of the box…but, c’mon, there are some total babes here. Rather than go the “American Idol” route and show the auditions for the pageant, “Crowned” cuts right to the chase and and simply introduces the eleven duos who’ll be competing for the grand prize of $100,000…and, inevitably, matching tiaras for both mom and daughter. The judges for the show are Carson Kressley (“Queer Eye for the Straight Guy”), Shanna Moakler (“Meet the Barkers”) and Cynthia Garrett (“Later with Cynthia Garrett”), and although they all brings something to the table, it shouldn’t be any surprise that Carson’s comments alone make the show worth watching.
As far as the contestants, it’s a mixed bag of professional beauty queens and total amateurs, and it’s somehow unsurprising to find that the amateurs come off as way less obnoxious, mostly because they don’t walk in with that “I’ve won pageants, and these peasants know nothing!” attitude. (To be fair, though, looking at the decidedly eccentric Pamela and Felicia, you sense that they were added to the mix not because they were a breath of fresh air but, rather, because they’d be good for a laugh.) The different personalities of the contestants come into play not just during the competition but within the big house everyone lives in together; there’s much sneering back and forth, from early in the morning (one daughter decides to practice her singing at the crack of dawn) to mealtime (one mother refuses to eat anything but what she’s brought from home). Based on the pre-air screener I checked out, I’m hoping that they tone down the unabashedly melancholy strings which play during the various interview segments. It’s at its worst whenever Melinda and Rachelle appear on the screen. Melinda, you see, had a kidney transplant a few years ago, and she never fails to bring it up as a reason why she’s so excited about doing this pageant; that’s understandable, but the way the show’s producers are trying to kickstart the viewers’ tear ducts is so over the top that it’s laughable.
Watching the sequences where the women choose their team names and select their costumes are entertaining enough, but it’s when they make their individual debuts before the judges that the real fun begins…and by fun, of course, I mean it’s time to yell, “Sweet Jesus, what is wrong with these people?” Probably the funniest moment comes when Carson reveals to one mother-daughter pair that the name they’ve chosen is actually better known as a euphemism for a bodily function…which, based on their absolute deer-in-headlights look, absolutely never occurred to them. There are a few charming moments which inspire legitimate smiles, and at least one instance where you’ll end up in a puddle on the floor when an introduction falls apart to the point where the daughter starts crying on stage, but for the most part, it’s more about the laughs than anything.
Hey, as Shanna Moakler herself has said, “It’s reality TV, it’s not rocket science.”
Party Mamas (The WE, 12/12, 8:00 PM): Yeah, I know, this has even less testosterone than “Crowned,” but if you’ve ever found yourself sucked into an episode of MTV’s God-awful show about spoiled brats getting the sweet 16 party of their dreams…and, c’mon, you know you have…then here’s the flip side of the coin.
Unfortunately, I have less to say about this show than “Crowned,” mostly because it’s hard to get a feel for it from the one episode provided to review; the fault lies with the subject, a mother who’s been on a lifetime quest for fame, which means that she’s constantly trying to keep the spotlight on her. Will it prove as entertaining with other subjects? Hard to say. Here, however, it’s definitely, uh, something. Poor Mitchell is having his bar mitzvah, and his mother has decided that she’s going to totally show him up, so we bear witness to her quest to learn how to dance, sing, and, ultimately, perform a number at her son’s party; it’s absolutely excruciating, frankly, because she’s tone deaf, has limited rhythm, and, worst of all, has a crabby New Jersey rich-bitch attitude which makes her come off like Carmella Soprano to the tenth power. Frankly, I couldn’t even wrap my head around the idea of a mother who actually wants to show up her son!
You know how you watch “My Super Sweet 16” and fear for our future? Well, after “Party Mamas,” you’ll actually have a little bit of hope for it, because Mitchell seems to have turned out rather well-adjusted despite his mother; he puts on an awesome performance with a bunch of professional dancers and holds his own. How does his mother do? I wouldn’t dare spoil it; it’s definitely something you should experience for yourself.
