Well, it’s a day that ends in ‘y’, and that means it’s time for another woman named Mayer to abandon any semblance of rational behavior. This week, for once, it’s not Susan who’s embroiled in an embarrassing and public divorce from her sanity…it’s Susan’s mother.
Ms. Mayer the elder chooses the least likely, least opportune, and most unfortunate possible time to reveal the deepest of family secrets: during her own toast, at her own wedding reception. In front of the hundred-odd guests who only came to enjoy a nice party, some free booze, and perhaps a little wagering on how long marriage #4 will last, Mommy Mayer announces that Susan’s supposedly long-dead, war-hero father is alive and well — and living just across town.
Susan runs out in tears, Julie follows her, and everyone watching suddenly decides that Vincent D’Onofrio’s histrionics maybe aren’t quite as annoying as they had initially thought, and changes channels to watch “Criminal Intent.”
In equally improbable developments further down Wisteria Lane, Lynette undermines her husband’s childrearing efforts for the flimsiest of reasons; George manhandles a guy twice his size (and sets fire to the guy’s Porsche after conveniently finding his valet stub); and elderly, ailing Mrs. McCluskey gets medieval on supposed prowlers with a Taser.
The episode’s sole bright spot is a cameo by Danny Trejo, whose battle-scarred face and bad-guy image are put to delightful use as a man who appears to be a threat to Gabrielle, but has in fact been hired by Carlos to help her deal with her grief over her miscarriage. Danny’s best line? “If I were going to kill you, I wouldn’t use a balloon. It would take too long.”
The episode closes with the arrest of the mysterious Caleb. “Is this the man who broke into your house?” Gabrielle is asked, and she nods her head. Technically, though, that’s not true: original Caleb Page Kennedy was fired for “inappropriate behavior” (translation: he allegedly flashed his mice and manhood to unappreciative crew members), and has been replaced by a new actor. Thus, it’s new Caleb Nashawn Kearse who gets loaded into the squad car, while the junk-dangler remains scot-free.
And once again, in a mostly white neighborhood, an innocent black man gets hauled downtown. Heck, maybe this show isn’t so implausible after all…
