Before jumping into Season Two, allow me to discuss the “Land of the Lost” movie for a bit. As you might glean, I’m a pretty hardcore fan of this show. Yes, believe it or not, we do exist; “Land of the Lost” has a small, but fervent cult following. The last thing fans of this series ever wanted to see was a comedy send-up of the premise. No, most fans had minor dreams of someday seeing a big-budget, sci-fi movie created by people that took the concept as seriously as David Gerrold did back in the day. But, alas, that did not happen, and instead we’re getting a movie that’s likely closer in tone to some of the other Krofft properties, rather than the one it’s actually based on.

All that said, any amount of money that can be made by this movie must be positive for “Land of the Lost” as a brand name, and if the movie does well, you never know what the future might hold. Personally, I’d like to see the movie do so well that somebody decides to greenlight a new version of the series for Sci Fi, which would be the obvious network for it to end up on (indeed, Sci Fi has even been running “Land of the Lost” marathons as of late). I mean, really, how many steps away from “Primeval” – an enormous success for ITV in England, as well as here in the States on BBC America – is a serious version of this concept? So if you’re a fan of the series, don’t be so quick to skip the movie, simply because it isn’t what you envisioned. Grab some friends and a few beers and head out to the movie theatre this weekend, because the future of “Land of the Lost” probably rests in the obnoxious antics of Will Ferrell. (That is, admittedly, a sentence I never in my life thought I’d have to type.)

Now back to your regularly scheduled breakdown of Season Two of “Land of the Lost…”

David Gerrold left the series after the first season, and so a new story editor was hired in the form of Dick Morgan, who’d written such Season One offerings as “Album” and “Follow That Dinosaur.” Clearly Morgan had a lot of respect for what Gerrold had laid down, but it seems that he perhaps didn’t have a big vision of his own. (In all fairness, this is an unfair supposition on my part; as with any TV show there are many fingers in the pie, and who’s to say who’s to blame?) Part of the problem with Season Two is that it frequently tries to expand on ideas from the first season, often without success. This isn’t to say that the season isn’t any good; in fact, you’ve got to be a bit obsessive about the show in order to notice a big difference from the first season…but, then again, that’s why I’m here sharing my insights with anyone who cares to listen.

On the other hand, Season Two doesn’t feel quite as compartmentalized as the first, which routinely shifted from Pakuni to dinosaur to Sleestak to Pylon story. Instead, Season Two does a much better job of mixing up all the elements of the series, and the various scenarios have a touch more realism about them, as all these elements should be bumping against one another on a regular basis. Further, while “Land of the Lost” is never in any danger of winning any acting awards, Kathy Coleman is considerably better here than she was in the first season, which, with a cast this small, makes a big difference. Coleman isn’t anywhere near as whiny and bratty as she was in her freshman year, which gives the show an overall slightly more mature vibe.

Nevertheless, the season gets off to a very weak start with “Tar Pit,” in which Dopey, the baby brontosaurus, gets stuck in a tar pit, and the Marshalls and the Pakuni must band together to get the little guy out. As you might guess, they do, because the only thing that could possibly scar a child more than a lurking Sleestak at this point is the death of a baby dinosaur. Episode 2, “The Zarn,” is a hell of a lot more promising, and introduces Season Two’s most potentially fascinating creation. (The episode is written by Morgan – just want to give the man some credit by mentioning that.) If the last time you watched “Land of the Lost” was when you were a kid, alongside your memories of Sleestak and dinosaurs and Pakuni, there’s no doubt another image from the show nestled in the deep recesses of your mind, and that’s The Zarn, a silver, glittery alien whom Rick and Will meet in the Mist Marsh – a triumph of an atmospheric set built for the new season. The Zarn (played by Van Snowden, but voiced by Marvin Miller) has seemingly ended up in the Land in his weird spaceship, which is like a giant maze of lights – it’s amazing Rick and Will can even find their way out. Also onboard the ship is a total ‘70s babe named Sharon (Brooke Bundy) who just so happens to have grown up in the same town and went to the same high school and lived on the same street as Rick, although he’s never seen her before. Holly and Will sense that she’s just a tad too perfect, but Marshall’s too busy getting a hard on…and, really, can you blame the guy? The Zarn is not necessarily evil, but rather a super-intelligent being bent on studying whatever comes his way, and no doubt the Marshalls are some pretty good pickings in a place that is lean on such offerings. Further, the guy is absolutely repelled by human emotion, as it sends him into quite the tizz. (It’s unfortunate that the Zarn and Enik never cross paths during the course of the season.) “The Zarn” is a good episode, and it certainly seems that Season Two is on the right track.

For the first time in the season, the Sleestak, as well as Enik, return for Episode 3, “Fair Trade,” in which Rick tumbles into a trap meant for a pig which the Sleestak wanted for dinner. Now Rick could end up as the main course unless Will and Holly can get a pig to the Sleestak before nightfall. Not a particularly great episode, yet actually rather witty at times, and Scutter McKay, who plays the Paku Ta, actually does some pretty decent work here and throughout the season in general. His Ta (unlike the actor who played him in Season One) brings some much needed humor to the Pakuni concept, and often manages to make the character fairly interesting (given what he has to work with, anyway). Episode 4, “One of Our Pylons is Missing,” is a problematic story, as it introduces a major new aspect of the Land (its “energy source”), but fails to give any real reason for the goings-on. Instead of providing a story, the episode wants to get by on weirdness alone and really fails to deliver any kind of cohesive third act. When I accuse this season of lacking a vision, it’s precisely because of fare like this. Episode 5, “The Test,” is a Cha-Ka story that sees the ape having to steal an allosaurus egg to prove his manhood. The egg eventually hatches, and cuteness ensues. Episode 6, “Gravity Storm” sees the return of The Zarn, as well as introduces his pet robot dinosaur. The title refers to literal moments when the gravity in the Land temporarily increases, and the Marshalls must investigate. Again, there’s not much to see here and the episode feels like it’s in search of a grand idea that it can’t quite deliver. By no means a season low point, but after The Zarn’s intriguing introduction, one would have liked to have seen his character expanded into a more, rather than less, interesting direction.

When people speak of Sid and Marty Krofft shows being full of subversive drug references, fare like Episode 7, “The Longest Day,” goes a long way toward making a valid case for the prosecution. When a pylon screws up and leaves the sun permanently stuck in the sky, the Sleestak begin to worry. A vision tells them that Rick Marshall is the cause. They bring him before the Library of Skulls, where the smoke is so thick, it’ll remind you of The Circle scenes in “That 70s Show.” Suddenly Rick can hear the Sleestak speak and he begins having all sorts of bizarre hallucinations, such as Holly as a proper English girl, and Will as what looks like a Canadian Mountie. Further, Spencer Milligan unquestionably plays the material as if he is stoned out of his gourd. If it all weren’t so strange, it might be funny, and there’s a great moment when a clearly high Marshall uses stoner logic to convince the Sleestak that they’ve perhaps, for generations, been using the Library’s wisdom incorrectly. Whether or not this is actually a “great” episode is debatable, but it is certainly one you will never forget. See it with a bud. Episode 8, “The Pylon Express,” also has its fair share of weirdness, and yet it has far more in common with Episode 4 than Episode 7. It’s another pylon story in search of a meaning, that – worst of all – seemingly presents the Marshalls with a clear cut way out of the Land of the Lost, and they don’t take it!

Episode 9, “A Nice Day” is tedious filler material that sees Holly’s life in jeopardy due to a dangerous plant, and Ta may be able to help. If it’s not already obvious, Season Two is heavy on Pakuni, yet light on Sleestak, which would be a deal breaker had the production team not found somewhat more interesting ways to utilize the Pakuni. Nevertheless, it’s very easy to find yourself disappointed by the general lack of all things ‘Stak in this season. “Baby Sitter” sees the third and final appearance of The Zarn, although he isn’t used much better here than he was the last time. At this point, he’s reduced to being little more than an intergalactic shit disturber by causing problems amongst the Pakuni, and Holly must step in and help out. One thing that becomes increasingly clear with this season is that there’s far more of an emphasis on humor than there was in the first. (One wonders if this was the result of some order that came down from the top.)

The final three episodes of the season see the show heading back into stranger territories. Episode 11, “The Musician,” sees the Marshalls, along with Cha-Ka, exploring the deserted Temple area of the Lost City, and encountering a new force with which to reckon. Yet another installment that’s heavy on weirdness, but light on reason, however what happens to Cha-Ka may be a possible explanation for his sudden grasp of English in Season Three (this is his final appearance for the season). In any case, keep an eye out for Phillip Paley sans his Paku makeup in the episode’s “climax,” such as it is. Episode 12, “Split Personality,” is unquestionably a season highlight, filled with a number of creepy images, most notably alternate versions of Rick and Will stuck in a wall. (No doubt you remember this one from your childhood.) The episode is a fine example of what can be done with unanswered mysteries in “Land of the Lost.” The piece never feels convoluted – just dark and strange sci-fi, and precisely the sort of thing this show is at its best tackling. The season finale is called “Blackout,” and it’s something of a sequel/companion piece to “The Longest Day.” Instead of the sun getting stuck, this time it’s one of the moons, and the Land shifts to a permanent night shift. Of course this time the Sleetsak are behind it, thinking that it will allow them greater access to the “sacred Altrusian moth,” but Enik realizes the folly of their thinking, and enlists Rick’s help to make things right. By no means as interesting as its predecessor, there’s still a lot to like in the episode, particularly Enik’s witty banter with the Sleestak.

Come back to Premium Hollywood on Friday for the final entry in this series, and find out what happens after Rick Marshall returns home at the beginning of “Land of the Lost”: Season Three!

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