Earlier, when I made the comment about it’s a shame that the National Geographic Channel doesn’t have the same level of recognition that the Discovery Channel does, it didn’t mean that I don’t like the Discovery Channel. In fact, amongst the family of Discovery Networks, which includes Animal Planet, Planet Green, and TLC, there’s a ton of great programming to be had…and I’m not just saying that because they gave out these awesome tote bags at the end of their presentation. (For the record, though, National Geographic gave out a pretty sweet backpack themselves.)
I don’t know if there was some sort of elaborate coin-flipping procedure to determine who would get to go first, but if so, then the winner was apparently Animal Planet, who introduced their latest programming addition, “Whale Wars.”
“Whale Wars” focuses on the Sea Shepherd Conservation Society, an organization whose members refer to themselves as “eco-pirates.” All things considered, it’s rather edgy fare for Animal Planet, with the group battling against Japanese whalers who claim that they’re hunting for scientific research purposes (as opposed to commercial interests), but you can’t say it isn’t gripping. You also, however, can’t say that Animal Planet is actually endorsing the organization by putting the spotlight on them during the program, since Majorie Kaplan, president and general manager of the network, said outright that they are not. “This is really a character study,” she said. “We think this is terrific television. We are on the boats. It’s not a piece of investigative journalism. So it’s the experience of life on these ships and this conservation organization.”
Paul Watson, founder of the Society, was onhand for the panel, and one of the more interesting revelations during the course of his comments was the fact that he was also a founding member of Greenpeace.
“I was the youngest founding member of Greenpeace, at 18,” clarified Watson, “(but) I left Greenpeace when I was 26 to set up the Sea Shepherd Conservation Society because I got tired of protesting and I just felt that this would be more effective to be doing direct intervention. Now, it’s true that I started out studying communications and everything, but I just fell into this. And I always thought it was something, in the early seventies, I would be doing temporarily. And here it is, 2008, I’m still doing it.”
Ashley Dunn, who assisted in the documentation of the organization’s activities for the series, described her work as “a warts and all representation of what happens on the ship. I by no means had any bias one way or the other. I was there
solely to document, and we did that 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. We were their shadow, basically, and what you get is what happened. There are just no arguments about it.”
Ben Potts, one of the other members of the society, agreed with Dunn’s assessment without hesitation. “You could say that it was embedded with us,” she said, “because every time I rolled out and woke up in the morning, there was a camera in my face, and they would follow us around for the whole day. So they captured, yeah, every moment of that — of that cruise, of our campaign, and from our engagement with the whaling fleet right down to daily activities.”
So when you say “daily activities,” Mr. Potts, are you winking at all? If he’s not, his compatriot Peter Hammarstedt is. “I think there was a bit of a toss-up whether the series would be called ‘Whale Wars’ or ‘The Love Boat,'” said Hammarstedt, with a laugh. “Certainly, there’s passion.”
But let’s not make this show seem more sordid than it is. At its heart, “Whale Wars” is the story of a group of people who are trying to do right by some of the largest mammals on the face of the earth; it’s definitely not always an upbeat story, but when things go right, it’s downright inspirational.
“It really hit home to me just sort of what effects we were having for the survival of endangered species such as a fin whale when my mate, Giles and I, boarded the harpoon boat and we were detained in a cabin on board and for two, two and a half, three days,” said Ben Potts, another Society member. “We were looking out the porthole one day, and a huge whale surfaced just outside the porthole not more than 20 meters away. And it breathed, you know. A huge burst of
mist came out of its blowhole, and then its tail fluke went up. It dove. And the whole time, we were, like, ‘Quick, get away. Quick, get away,’ you know. We were on a Japanese harpoon boat. And, you know, if we hadn’t have been there, if we hadn’t have taken the action that we did and if the crew hadn’t have gone down to Antarctica, that whale would more than likely have had a grenade-tipped harpoon fly into its body. It would have been winched up to the bow of that ship, and then they electrocute them with low-voltage current.”
Good thing, then, that the Society was there.
Next up: the Discovery Channel’s panels…and it’s a testimony to how much vodka I’ve ingested this evening that I really did just think, “Hey, that rhymes!”
First, we have “Into the Unknown with Josh Bernstein,” where our man Josh explores mysteries from the past, such as the true life of Roman gladiators to crises facing elephant habitats in Kenya to the future of the exploration of Mars…or so says Discovery’s John Ford, anyway.
Maybe it’s just a guy thing, but I was kind of shocked when one of the other critics seemed uncertain as to why Bernstein was interested in investigating gladiators. “Why not gladiators?” he asked. “I think that certainly Russell Crowe and Kirk Douglas have created an iconic image of what the potential — not just the myth of what a gladiator is, but how real is it? So it’s a good launching point. It is — in terms of viewer appeal, it’s something that a lot of people are curious about. I don’t have to explain what a gladiator is, and then it gives me a chance to go throughout the Roman Empire, which is if you like to travel, you get to go all along the Mediterranean.”
There are also episodes which explore questions which have existed since Biblical times…like, say, whether or not the flood of Genesis really happened…and, perhaps unsurprisingly, those prove somewhat difficult when it comes to finding definitive answers. “When you get into Biblical stories, anything pre-Davidic is challenging,” he admitted. “I mean, before King David and King Solomon in the Bible is questionable. So I don’t go into this — certainly that specific story of Noah and the flood — with the naivete to assume that, within the course of one hour, I’m going to solve one of the greatest riddles, but so many different cultures in the Mediterranean have this story of a flood beyond Judeo-Christian. When you get into Babylonia and Sumeria and all the ancient texts of the region, everyone has a text of the flood, so that was compelling enough for me to explore the different facets. Could a flood have happened? Was there really a man named Noah? Could he have built an ark? What kind of animals would have been on the ark? And so from an intellectual point of view, there’s a way to pursue that that’s satisfying. Whether or not we rely on the Bible for history is, from our point of view, irrelevant. We just want to make a good journey, so we’re exploring it.”
Also on the Discovery slate is “Secrets of the Dinosaur Mummy,” and, really, there are at least two really good reasons in that title to check out the show…and I’m not even counting the fact that everyone enjoys a good secret. Mr. Ford reappeared at the podium to offer up a description of the program that sounded nice and intriguing:
“Leonardo, named for graffiti found near his burial site is the first fully intact dinosaur mummy ever found. The 77 million year old dinosaur was discovered in 2000 by a team of amateur paleontologists exploring Malta, Montana. Ninety percent of Leonardo’s body is covered in skin. We know what he ate for his last meal. Skin impressions and imagery of actual organs, intestine contents, skin and joints will allow the team to create the first anatomically accurate model of a dinosaur ever.”
And if that doesn’t tempt you, Dr. Robert T. Bakker, visiting curator of Paleontology at the Houston Museum of Natural Science, describes the special as a cross between “C.S.I.,” “E.R.,” and “Jurassic Park.”
“The ‘CSI’ part to me is the most puzzling,” said Bakker. ” I’m an anatomist and also a field paleontologist. I look at Leonardo and want to understand how it died and how was it buried and how was the corpse preserved, how was it protected from all the scavengers that like to burrow in and eat it. I don’t know yet. And how is the internal organs, the suite of internal organs, how were they preserved? I don’t know yet, but the specimen is redolent with clues. There are clues everywhere. There are even what’s called the body ooze signature. Below Leonardo’s carcass there were these mineral signatures that come from fluids, slowly rotting and seeping down the body outlines. Read The Body Farm: what we have here is an incredibly complex, very eloquent, but an extremely puzzling and beautiful corpse.”
Where’s Gil Grissom when you need him?
Next up: Planet Green, a network I’m not even sure I get in my neck of the woods. But whether I do or not (and, believe me, I’ll be checking as soon as I get home), the panels themselves were still highly interesting.
First was “Focus Earth with Bob Woodruff,” designed to have the audiences stay current with the green movement. It’s hard to give you much of a preview, since it’s at up-to-moment kind of program, but if you’re already a news junkie, then the big selling point will simply be the fact that it brings former ABC journalist Woodruff back together with his former co-producer, Vinnie Malhotra, for the first time since they were both gravely injured in Iraq. Woodruff cited a few upcoming pieces to look forward to, including discussions on the G8 summit and a story on the prairie area of the American West, plus, inevitably, much chatter about the upcoming election and where the candidates stand on environmental issues.
The other program being pimped by Planet Green was the one that really has me excited: “Battleground Earth: Ludacris vs. Tommy Lee.” Basically, it’s a look at these two musical artists as they compete to “go green,” traveling to nine different locations around the country to take on green challenges, with the viewer getting to see the competitions as they unfold. It’s a serious subject, obviously, but based on the clips that were shown, it looks like it’s going to be a pretty entertaining series…but, really, with Tommy Lee, would you expect any less? I mean, this is the guy who, when asked about the various animal-themed tattoos that he sports on his person, revealed, ” I have a big peacock down my leg from my hip down to my knee.”
Yeah, like we didn’t already know that.
Tommy and Ludacris had previously met before signing on to do this show together, but that was about the extent of their history together. Since their experiences together, however, they’ve stayed in touch. “We’re kind of challenging each other on what we’re doing after this show to practice what we preach,” said Ludacris.
“Doing the show together, man, we became really good friends,” Tommy revealed. “I absolutely adore him. Guy’s a sweetheart. He’s awesome, man.
“Don’t print that,” said Ludacris, then laughed. “I’m messing with you, man.”
“He’s got a big heart, man,” continued Tommy. “He’s a cool guy. I learned a lot from him. He is just a real passionate, cool, cool guy who I’m glad to be friends with.”
The results of this show have already begun to incorporate themselves into the lives of its stars. “I’m definitely working on getting solar panels in my house in Atlanta,” revealed Ludacris. “Georgia is one of the few states that I know you can charge the power company back for the energy that you don’t use. I just bought a Tahoe Hybrid GM, so I have that or myself. And, of course, I started recycling, also.”
“Hey, man. I’ve talked to the solar panel company,” Tommy chimed in. “I’m going to try to get off the grid myself!”
Last network standing for the Discovery family was TLC, who teamed the stars of a new show (“Hope for Your Home”) and an old favorite (“Holmes on Homes”) and put them on one big panel. The producer of the former series, T.J. Cutler, seemed to be fielding more questions about another of his shows, “Flip That House,” than of his latest work, but them’s the breaks. I mean, when we show up for ABC’s panel on “Fringe,” don’t think someone won’t be pummeling J.J. Abrams with “Lost” questions, y’know? The guy who came off the best on the panel, though, was clearly Mike Holmes, who I’m totally adding to my list of Guys I’d Like To Toss Back A Few Drinks With. I think I’ve spent more than enough time on Discovery Networks, so I’ll just close with a few of Holmes’ highlights and see you next posting…
* “(The subprime crisis) has become a huge financial gain to the contractors out there. I always call it the good, the bad, and the ugly. They’re going to try and find cheaper contractors to get the work done, and then they’re going to be phoning ‘Holmes on Homes,’ going, ‘Holy shit, we’re in a lot of trouble here. We’ve got to fix this. We’ve got a leak that turned into mold.'”
* “The idea is to buy a house, make it better, make some money, and live there at the same time, providing whether it’s a year or ten years, 20 years. You’re going to make money on real estate anyways. Fix it up for yourself. I think the mistake is showing how simple it can be. ‘You can do it yourself! DIY!’ I’m totally against it. You might as well do your own brain operations. It doesn’t make sense to me. I’ve been in this business since I was a kid. I know the electrical, the plumbing, the structural. And then why do houses mold? You need to have the right people in to do the right work to get the right dollar for the flip. And that’s the way I look at it. If you do it wrong, you’re actually giving it to the next person that’s buying the house, and you’re giving them a pile of crap, and now they’ve got to clean up the mess. And they don’t notice it until the skylight starts leaking, the toilet starts leaking, the shower starts leaking…and then the mold starts growing.”
* “If you’re dealing with a contractor that says, ‘Oh, we can do this without a permit. We can do it with cash,’ get rid of them. Kick them the hell out of your house. You don’t want to be dealing with that.”
And, lastly, Mike was asked if he’d ever actually gotten into a fist fight with a contractor.
“I’d love to take them in the back alley and smack them a couple times,” he admitted, “but that’s not what it’s about. I’m more bothered that they didn’t care about the family. You know, I have kids, and I really don’t like seeing that no one cares anymore and that they’ve taken them for their money and that even after they know they’ve done something wrong, they don’t give up. Have I gotten into a fight? No. I’ve only been approached twice by two of the builders out of 96 shows that I’ve done, and I’m just going to talk to them. I’m going to tell them straight up, ‘Look, you did this wrong. Did you learn anything from it?’ And whether or not they want to listen, I really don’t care.”
