Episode three begins with Belle (Billie Piper) explaining that she’s about to pull an “all nighter,” which given the premise of the series sounds incredibly sleazy. But it turns out not to be so much – or at least not at first. Her client is Ashok (Ace Bhatti) and she claims he was her first, “professionally speaking.” He’s a married man whose wife hasn’t slept with him in five years, and apparently he’s one of Belle’s regulars. Her job is to spend the night with him in a classy hotel and give him the “girlfriend” treatment, which is somewhat in demand these days in the call girl scene. Aside from sex, what the guy really wants is an evening of company, cuddling and maybe even some conversation, and he’s willing to pay big bucks for it. She even brings him a Philip Roth novel that she thinks he will enjoy, and he does indeed seem interested and pleased that she thought of him.
But as the night wears on, Ashok falls asleep and Belle tells the audience she’s never actually “slept” with a client. She gets restless, and calls best bud Ben (Iddo Goldberg) who’s busy playing a video game and believes Hannah’s working late at the office. His girlfriend Vanessa struts around their apartment, but all we ever see of her is the body since her head is always out of frame. We may never get to know much more about her from the looks of things. When she dangles her panties in front of him, Ben quickly gets off the phone with Hannah. Belle decides to pop out of the room for a bit, leaving a note saying she’s gone out for cigarettes in case he should wake up. Down in the hotel she chats up the front desk clerk (Matt Day) and they discuss benign matters such as whether or not a woman in the hotel is a transvestite. Before long she drifts into the bar area, where she meets a guy who clearly sees her for what she is, and the money he’s offering is too much for Belle to pass up.
She assumes this one will go quickly and she can be in and out of his room and Ash will be none the wiser. But the guy turns out to be one of those with all manner of tantric tricks who can go on and on and on. And he does. Eventually Belle tires of the scene and it turns out she’s got a trick of her own: She slips a condom over her finger and shoves it into a particularly dark orifice in his body, and he, on cue, shoots his load. All great fun, and just a little seedy – but hey, that’s why we watch “Secret Diary of a Call Girl.” Belle heads back to Ash’s room, and finishes off her all nighter, slips the desk clerk an envelope of cash, and Hannah drifts off into the London morning for breakfast with Ben.
All in all this was the least interesting installment so far, but not without its charms. Piper shows a little more skin (ahem, not that that’s why I watch), and there was a particularly tastefully shot music video sequence of Belle taking a shower. The relationship with Ash was also mildly appealing, as it was nice to see Belle genuinely enjoy a client with out any hang-ups. One of the frustrating things about the show is that it feels as if it’s over just as it’s beginning. Somehow the 22-minute episodes fly by and are over before you know it, which I suppose is a sign that they’re doing something right, but the series could really benefit from having a full 30 minutes to work with each week.
