Tonight’s “American Idol” Elite 8 show featured Jennifer Lopez and the contestants all singing Latino songs. Not surprisingly, most of this very un-Latin bunch chose songs by pop artists Gloria Estefan and Carlos Santana. Also not surprisingly, the level of performances was not very good. It was almost like the best performance was a 7 out of 10 and everything else filtered down from there. Here we go with the recap:

THE GOOD

Did you notice there was no “VERY GOOD” category this week? That’s because there were no very good performances, not even from the always flawless Melinda Doolittle. Tonight Melinda came crashing down to earth, but still she was far from horrible. She sang “Sway” and Randy said it wasn’t her best but was solid. Paula said Melinda was sultry and subtle, and Simon said he didn’t like it and that it lacked personality. He added that he had been waiting to offer some criticism to Melinda for weeks and he didn’t want to waste the opportunity.

Chris Richardson sang the Santana hit “Smooth” which was originally sang by another white pop singer, Rob Thomas. Chris actually did well with this, but if you think about it, it really was a good song choice for him. Randy said it was very cool, Paula said it was a “hot” performance and that Chris was sexy (uh-oh, Paula’s got the googly eyes again), and Simon said it was the best vocal of the night to that point (Chris went third). Let’s also give props to that guitar player from the band. I mean, holy crap….what mad skills.

Jordin Sparks sang “The Rhythm Is Gonna Get You” and while there were some karaoke moments, it was really pretty good overall. Randy said the performance was great and had the “yo” factor, Paula said it was authentic and that Jordin looked adorable, and Simon said it was just “okay” and that the performances were not getting better as the evening progressed.

Blake Lewis sang Marc Anthony’s “I Need To Know,” and I’m not sure if he did it to impress Anthony’s wife or not. But it was definitely a good song choice for Blake. What wasn’t a good choice was that hat he came out wearing. Blake could easily have been performing at a South Florida retirement community wearing that hat (Del Boca Vista?). Anyway, he sang really well and he’s in no danger of being eliminated. Randy said it was the best song choice of the night, Paula said Blake captured the essence of the song, and Simon said it was the best song choice AND best performance of the night.

THE IN-BETWEEN

Lakisha Jones sang “Conga” and it was pretty much disjointed from the start. There were too many syllables and too much movement in the song for Lakisha to keep up with it. Still, it wasn’t awful. Randy said she was having fun and that it was “hot,” Paula disagreed and thought it was a safe performance, and Simon agreed with Paula. He added that Lakisha appeared to have fun but he’s not sure the rest of America had fun watching it. Well said, Cowell.

Phil Stacey sang another Santana song, “Maria Maria.” I thought it was decent but there were a few moments when Phil’s voice cracked and that might spell doom for him. Randy said it wasn’t Phil’s best and he didn’t connect with the song, Paula said she thought it was a real good vocal, and Simon said Phil is a nice guy who chose a good song but it lacked originality.

Sanjaya is not even in the bottom group tonight, because he really had one of his better performances. I mean, dude is the only contestant who could pass for a Latino and he chose a good song, “Besame Mucho,” as well. Randy said it was really good, Paula said Sanjaya was on pitch and smooth, and Simon, though he admitted he couldn’t understand a word and that Sanjaya sang like a 14-year-old, said that the performance “wasn’t horrible.” We already knew we’d see more of Sanjaya and I think he just guaranteed himself another week.

THE BAD

Haley has been hanging by a thread for weeks, and she didn’t help her cause tonight. Well, with her outfit, she did try. Once again those legs were putting on a show of their own, and once again Haley’s voice didn’t match them. She sang “Turn The Beat Around” and it was all-around pretty freaking weird.
Randy said it was “really karaoke,” Paula said Haley looked like she had fun, and Simon said that Haley keeps wearing little clothing every week to hide her vocal skills, which aren’t as good as the other remaining women. Yeah, what he said. I mean, if Haley doesn’t go home this week I’ll be extremely surprised.

So your bottom 3 America……Haley, Phil and Lakisha. Sanjaya will once again rise above to safety. And if it’s not Haley, it will definitely be Phil. But either way both of them are next to go.

Tomorrow we have an hour long show, and it’ll be worth watching just to see how they fill up that much time for a results show. Me? I’ll be drinking beer at a hockey game. That’s what TiVo is for.
Until then, Adios Amigos. Oh, and Dirty Sanchez too.