The producers of “24” are always crazy sneaky when it comes to doling out the goods before the highly anticipated season premiere. I’ve seen the ads on Fox for the last few weeks – though I must admit that I have not gone far and wide looking for spoilers, since I, like the rest of you, want to be surprised – and here is what I’ve learned about the upcoming season:
– The U.S. government, somehow, managed to secure the release of Jack Bauer from the torture-happy Chinese.
Did the Chinese government get bored with him after he screamed the exact same way every time they ripped off one of his fingernails? The Chinese were very clear in Season Four that they wanted Bauer’s head on a silver platter. For them to give him up must have required a deal of Faustian proportions.
– Wayne Palmer is now President of the United States.
In the 18 months of “24” time since the end of Season Five, Wayne Palmer has, inexplicably, ascended to the White House despite holding an office no higher than that of Chief of Staff for his now-deceased brother, President David Palmer. Of course, this turn of events makes me positively giddy, because it puts my Season Five conspiracy theory back into play.
– Jack is being asked by the government to sacrifice himself.
You realize that that line by itself is totally useless and misleading. “Sacrificing” Jack Bauer could mean literally anything (which is to say, nothing), and besides, show me the government that gives up the location of its #1 to their opponent’s Spy. Oh, right, they changed the rankings in Stratego, didn’t they? Now the #10 is the most powerful one on the board. Oh, well, you get my drift.
– CTU finally learns of the existence of Dr. Romano.
There is a scene where the onetime Dr. Romano (his character’s name is Graham, but he’ll always be Dr. Romano to us) tells Jack, “You’re hurting me.” Jack’s response sums up all the frustration we felt about this shadow group and how it was able to manipulate the President so easily: “Trust me, I’m not.” Translation: welcome to the House of Pain, sucka.
– President Buck Buck Brawwwwwwk and the First Lady of Crazy will be back for an episode.
Sweet. I’m always curious to see what happens to the fallen “heroes” of seasons past. Maybe this one will end in a murder/suicide. That’d be cool.
– Everyone and his brother is guest-starring on “24” this season.
James Cromwell, Kal Penn, Rick Schroeder, Peter MacNicol, Powers Poothe, the former Mr. Hilary Swank (Chad Lowe), and Eddie freaking Izzard are ALL in on the action this season. While I feel that nearly all of those are fantastic casting decisions – mainly because it doesn’t leave any room for Elisha Cuthbert to get caught in another bear trap – this will surely cut into the screen time of Agent Curtis, Bill Buchanan, official girlfriend of Bullz-Eye Chloe O’Brien and her hilarious ex-husband Morris.
– Official Bullz-Eye girlfriend Chloe O’Brien is now a brunette.
I think I speak on behalf of the entire staff when I say that we just can’t get behind that. Chloe isn’t Britney Spears, Mandy Moore, or that Tonks character in the “Harry Potter” series. She’s Chloe, complicated, snarky and wonderful. Most importantly, she’s the polar opposite of a stereotypical blonde, which is why we loved her so much. Everyone expects the brunette to be smart and sassy. With her dye job, Chloe’s given up her ace in the hole. Hopefully, though, she still has her taser.
Sunday can’t come soon enough. Are you ready? I know I am.
