Year: 2006 (Page 91 of 228)

Not a Buffybot, but the genuine article…!

“Buffy The Vampire Slayer” is coming back!

Okay, now that I’ve gotten you way too excited, I’ll drag you back down again. Yes, “Buffy” is returning…but not to TV. And not to movies, either. But she is coming to a comic book store near you, appearing in a new series of comics that pick up Buffy Summers’ adventures after her show ended.

I know, you want to punch me for getting your hopes up. But, hey, at least, the comic is being written by the show’s creator, Joss Whedon. And the artwork for the first issue looks pretty decent, too:

According to Entertainment Weekly’s PopWatch, the army of Slayers that was created at the show’s end has gotten organized, and the tide has turned in favor of the good guys. Soon, however, an “old enemy” surfaces – publisher Dark Horse is cagey on the Big Bad’s identity – and Dawn starts “experiencing serious growing pains.” What does that mean? Tune in on some future Wednesday – that’s when the new comics come out, you know – and find out.

Don’t hold your breath waiting for guest appearances by Angel and Spike, though; IDW, another comic publisher, has the rights to publish their adventures, and it’s unlikely the two publishers will cooperate on a crossover.

Dane Cook attempts to lower the average age of his fans

Since it’s a given that you’re already planning to tune in to everyone’s favorite awards show, “Teen Choice 2006,” on August 20th (you know you already have the date circled on your calendar), here’s further proof that you’ve made the right decision: Dane Cook is going to co-host the ceremony, standing alongside Jessica Simpson, who’s also his co-star in the upcoming film, “Employee of the Month.”

And as if that isn’t enough the show will close with the first-ever network television performance by Kevin “K-Fed” Federline, a.k.a. Mr. Britney Spears. Come on, that’s must-see TV, my friend; everybody loves a good trainwreck.

She can’t get no satisfaction

So, it’s official: Sheila is crazy. After spying on Tommy during his night out with Angie, Sheila surprises him at his apartment with a late night dinner. When asked about his date, however, Tommy lies through his teeth. In response to his little white lie, Sheila drugs him (via a cranberry and seltzer) and then rapes him. Oh, and she also smashes up the place to make it look like Tommy got drunk and went wild. Wow. Now that’s commitment. Unfortunately, I don’t think it’s really going to help her cause. Tommy is still totally into Angie, and until she drops him, Sheila’s got no shot at happiness.

Tommy, meanwhile, is having the night of his life. He’s finally bagged a date with Angie, and along with getting some much needed revenge on Johnny (which involved showing up with his ex at an NYPD dinner function), also managed to screw her. A golden star to whoever wrote that particular scene. I could watch Marissa Tomei walk around in lingerie all day long. Of course, Tommy’s unusually long-lasting boner ruins the night and he’s sent home to deal with the female reincarnation of Norman Bates.

The rest of the guys didn’t much screen time this week. Franco’s missing daughter subplot has mysteriously disappeared – as if it’s not even that important – and Probie’s homosexual tendencies are quickly swept under the carpet when a hot bar girl lures him back over to the home team. Tommy’s sister, Maggie, also returns looking to make amends with Garrity, and though she wants to be his girlfriend again, it doesn’t take long for Garrity to mess it up by getting sprayed with mace by a nerdy biker. Of course, this only makes for a hilarious little scene of him stumbling around the firehouse the next day.

Equally as funny is the way that Tommy and Franco help Jerry to get the money that’s owed to him down at the bar. Apparently, this bar owner guy (Birdie, I believe) is a giant prick, so while he’s working alongside Jerry to close down for the night, Tommy calls in a favor and has his Jeep hung from a truck with a crane attacked. Oh, and while I’m talking about tonight’s comedic moments, how about Lou’s night out with Tommy’s two daughters?

“Let me finish my beer, they don’t grow on trees, you know.” Priceless.

E), That neither he nor KITT bags the babe

Quick pop quiz: What is the most unintentionally humorous aspect of this schlocktastic David Hasselhoff video for his song, “Jump In My Car”?

A) That the soon-to-be-divorced Hoff has already brought his trusty KITT car out of storage, the better to stalk women half his age;
B) That he actually wears a “Don’t Hassel the Hoff” t-shirt in his own video;
C) That he sprouts devil horns to demonstrate just how bad this leather-clad bad boy can be; or
D) That the women he’s stalking sing, “I know your game”…but it comes out sounding remarkably like “I know you’re gay”?

(Thanks to VH-1’s Best Week Ever for the link)

New Line waves middle finger at press, Wazowski

They’re not screening “Snakes on a Plane.”

I can’t even begin to tell you what a kick in the teeth this is. I have been looking forward to this movie ever since I interviewed screenwriter Sheldon Turner last May — LAST May, as in 2005 — and stumbled upon a title in his IMDb filmography with the spectacular name of “Snakes on a Plane” (it has since been removed from his credits, presumably a WGA-related matter). And now, we get the news that New Line is going to make sure that the “fans” see it first. Hey, what about the critics that are also fans, huh? I am in a position to give you the kind of advance buzz that you would kill for, and you just stripped it away from me. Not smart.

Tell me, New Line, are you worried about the advance buzz being profoundly negative? Please. This movie is the textbook definition of critic-proof. Jesus, did you see how much money “Little Man” made last weekend? Fucking “Little Man!” Your movie is poised to make four times that. Help us help you, will ya?

To quote Hank Azaria impersonating Charles Bronson on “The Simpsons,” this, ain’t, over.

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