Year: 2006 (Page 8 of 228)

“Big Brother” seeks to destroy the universe

Apparently looking to up the intellectual factor on their mindless reality show, the makers of the UK version of “Big Brother” are attempting to recruit renowned physicist Stephen Hawking to appear in a celebrity edition of the program.

Though he reportedly found the request ridiculously flattering, sources close to Hawking indicate that the quadriplegic genius is likely to decline the producers’ invitation. Tempted as he is by their offer of a substantial fee; multiple renovations to make the “Big Brother” house entirely wheelchair-friendly; and a guarantee of first dibs at “that one hot blonde floozy,” the scientist knows full well that his appearance on a reality TV show would cause the universe to implode–and therefore it must be avoided at all costs.

So, if Hawking won’t do it, who else might turn up on “Celebrity Big Brother” in his place? Well, according to UK tabloid The Sun, other prime targets include mentally unstable former pop star Adam Ant…and mentally unstable foreign pop star David Hasselhoff.

Oh, my. Could that really happen? Could there actually be a show that puts the King of the Wild Frontier in the same house with…The Hoff?

I shudder to think. And then I check TV Guide to see whether that show is on yet.

Tori Spelling, mender of fences

Since the only item in her father’s estate left to Tori Spelling was apparently “the shaft,” the former Donna Martin is on the lookout for new revenue streams. She’s already got a reality show lined up with the Oxygen Network, and now she’s working on a memoir:

Among the topics she plans to cover in the book are plastic surgery (“I basically want to lay it out in my terms”), past relationships (“I want to clear up that I was never in a physically abusive relationship, but verbal abuse is just as detrimental”), and her treatment in her father’s last will and testament.

Tori indicated that she hopes the book doesn’t cause more damage within her already fractured family…and then went on to say that she had not yet actually discussed the book with her relatives. In other words, she planned to let them find out about it via the press.

Yep, that’s always a smart strategy for resolving tension among family members: talk to them through the media rather than in person or on the phone. Seems to be working out just fine for Jon Voight and his daughter.

Informed of Tori’s plan to publish what will undoubtedly be a tremendously unflattering tell-all, her estranged mother Candy replied, “Tori can write?”

DVD shuffle: 12/05/06

New on DVD this week:

1) Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest – RENT: What? Another overbloated “Pirates” film? You sound surprised. Still, you have to see the sequel. Why? Well, because you saw the first one. Duh.

2) Beerfest – BUY: The Broken Lizard guys are usually pretty hit and miss, but this time around, it’s a very big hit.

3) Miami Vice – RENT: Michael Mann’s reimaging of the classic 80’s television series isn’t quite as good as it should have been, but that final shootout is definitely worth checking at least once.

4) 24: Season Five – BUY: Best season of the show thus far. ‘Nuff said.

Also out on DVD this week is a re-release of last year’s “Rocky Anthology” with a new special edition of the original film, the first season of “Saturday Night Live,” new season releases of “Animaniacs” and “Pinky & the Brain” and much, much more.

Clooney’s pal is in hog heaven

No, the headline above does not refer to George Clooney’s booze-drenched night on the town with Danny DeVito last week, but to a much more somber event: Max, Clooney’s beloved 300-pound potbellied pig, has died.

The 18-year-old pig suffered from arthritis and partial blindness, and occasionally slept in the same bed with Clooney — though presumably not when People’s “Sexiest Man Alive” had female company for the night.

Funeral services for Max will be held this weekend. Following the ceremony, mourners will be invited to Clooney’s Malibu home for a casual barbecue featuring the star’s famous pulled pork sandwiches.

Box Office Roundup: Gotta dance!

Based on Sunday’s estimates, courtesy of boxofficemojo.com:

1) Happy Feet: $17 million, $121 million to date (owner: Mark Pfeiffer, Reel Times Studios)
Mark’s soul is slowly burning inside his chest, like Spike’s in the final episode of “Buffy the Vampire Slayer.”
2) Casino Royale: $15.1 million, $115.8 million to date (Steve Wamsley, TSSU Productions)
The last-minute replacement to the league is still kicking everyone’s tail.
3) Déjà Vu: $11 million, $44 million to date (owner: David Medsker Scary Clown Studios)
That scene of Denzel driving on the highway during two different periods in time was pretty sweet. So go see it, damn it. I’m getting crushed.
4) The Nativity Story: $8 million (Reel Times)
Had a pass to see this, saw “Tenacious D” instead. I regret nothing.
5) Deck the Halls: $6.6 million, $24.9 million to date (owner: Deb Medsker: Punch and Pie Pictures)
Fa la la la la, ka-ching ching ching.
6) The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause: $5 million, $73 million to date (owner: Jason Zingale, Seven Strangers Productions)
JZ’s first pick is holding on quite nicely.
7) Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan: $4.8 million, $116.3 million to date (owner: Deb Medsker, Punch and Pie Pictures)
If those punk college kids think their lives were ruined (they weren’t, by the way), at least they’re not getting divorced because of the movie.
8) Turistas: $3.5 million (Scary Clown Studios)
Hey, I thought you kids liked to see people get mutilated. What’s the matter, you went to see “Happy Feet” instead?
9) Stranger than Fiction: $3.4 million, $36.9 million to date (Scary Clown Studios)
Sigh.
10) Van Wilder: The Rise of Taj: $2.3 million (Will Harris, What’s All This Then?)
Will, you should be lucky it made that much money. Seriously.
11) Flushed Away: $2.7 million, $60 million to date (owner: Kristin Dreyer-Kramer, Nights and Weekends)
Why can’t Rita be sweet-ah to Kristin?
12) Bobby: $2 million, $9.2 million to date (TSSU Productions)
I saw a film today, oh, boy.
13) The Fountain: $1.6 million, $8 million to date (owner: Jason Zingale, Seven Strangers Productions)
This is one of those “prestige” films for JZ’s studio. It won’t make money, but it looks good on the mantel. Well, it’ll look good 20 years from now.

Current standings:
1) TSSU Productions: $224.6 million
2) Punch and Pie Pictures: $145.5 million
3) Reel Times Pictures: $129 million
4) Seven Strangers Productions: $88.6 million
5) Scary Clown Studios: $84.5 million
6) Nights and Weekends: $67.3 million
7) A Don’t Call Me Shirley Joint: $7.6 million
8) What’s All This, Then?: $3.1 million

Next week: Scary Clown rolls the dice on Mel “Sugar Tits” Gibson and his Mayan gorefest “Apocalypto,” Nights and Weekends shows off her “Blood Diamond” and takes a second shot at the kids market with “Unaccompanied Minors,” and Reel Times releases the Jack Black-starring “The Holiday” and secretly hopes everyone has already forgotten how badly “Tenacious D” tanked.

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