Year: 2006 (Page 70 of 228)

Quick: What rhymes with Moops?

It was only a matter of time. After dominating the syndicated airwaves for the past decade, “Seinfeld” has been reinvented as a musical. Sort of.

A dinner theatre in Winnipeg, Canada has developed “The Gerry Steinfeld Show,” a musical comedy featuring comedian Gerry Steinfeld and his friends Elaine Venice, George Cadenza and Cosmo Krainer. Hmmmm…

VH-1’s Best Week Ever has posted a link to the Winnipeg Sun’s review of the show, along with some suggested song lyrics. Theirs are pretty lame, though; we’re sure you can do better. For example, they left out the following classic ditties:

“Sister, Can You Spare a Square?”
“What Can You Do When There’s No Soup for You?”
And the tender ballad, “I Get All Loopy When You Call Me Shmoopy”

So, let’s hear it: What songs would you write for the “Seinfeld” musical?

So long, Tommy

Ah, sweet justice! After 14 tears of courtship, Paramount Studios has given Tom Cruise the boot. Cruise’s camp claims the studio “came up short” during negotiations, but really, isn’t it about time Tom was offered the kind of money equal to the quality of the kind of movies he chooses to make lately? Sure it is! But on top of that, Sumner Redstone, the chairman of Viacom (and owner of Paramount) had this to say regarding the Cruiser:

“As much as we like him personally, we thought it was wrong to renew the deal. His recent conduct has not been acceptable to Paramount.”

Hey, someone finally got it right! Thank you, Sumner. Now what are the chances all future Cruise movies can be straight to video?

Hi there, I’m looking for the doorway to Hell? Room 666? Thanks a bunch.

Much like the opening lineup of a baseball team, tonight’s episode wasn’t very spectacular, but it did its job by loading the bases with enough possibilities for the season finale to knock home a few runs. Following the random shooting of Tommy’s brother, Johnny, it’s finally revealed that the shooter in question was a hired gun paid to kill the cop planning to testify against some low-level drug dealer. Now, Johnny’s dead and Tommy’s out shopping for a casket. This all seems a little too reminiscent of last season’s second-to-last episode (where Tommy’s son, Colin, was killed in a drunk driving accident), but the writers had to find a way to keep his character on the show, and now that Johnny’s out of the picture, you can bet that Tommy will be back with his wife in no time. Of course, if they really wanted to surprise us, Tommy would stick with his initial plans of moving away with Sheila, but I just don’t see that happening any time soon.

Oh well, at least Garrity finally married Maggie. Then again, the ceremony did take place directly following the burying of Johnny – and at the cemetery, no less – but that only gave the writers the chance to introduce the long-lost (and deaf) Gavin sister, Rosemary. I’m not exactly sure why they did this (perhaps just so the hilarious sign-language gag between Maggie, Rosemary, Tommy and Garrity actually worked), but maybe they felt like the Gavin family was losing too many members. Oh well, perhaps we’ll find out more after next week’s season finale. Then again, maybe not.

Wow! One person really CAN make a difference!

Actually, that’s bullshit. Of course they can’t.

So when you read this article, which says that “Turner Broadcasting is scouring more than 1,500 classic Hanna-Barbera cartoons, including old favorites ‘Tom and Jerry,’ ‘The Flintstones’ and ‘Scooby-Doo,’ to edit out scenes that glamorize smoking” because “one viewer…took offense to two episodes of Tom and Jerry shown on the Boomerang channel, a corporate sibling of Time Warner Inc.-owned Turner Broadcasting,” well, it’s a lie. Clearly, somebody higher up the food chain feared that someone might file a lawsuit in twenty or thirty years, saying that they got lung cancer because Quick Draw McGraw lit up a stogie.

“Smoke ’em if you got ’em, Wilma!”

What a stupid, stupid world we live in, full of stupid, stupid people.

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