Year: 2006 (Page 111 of 228)

“Monk” is coming back…and he’s bringing a friend.

Tony Shaloub’s gearing up for the season premiere of his awkwardly funny detective comedy / drama, “Monk,” on Friday, July 7th…and to get the season started right, he’s called in fellow thespian Stanley Tucci to join in the fun.

Tucci and Shaloub are probably best remembered for teaming up in the 1996 comedy, “Big Night,” but they actually worked together in the theater ever before then. They’re clearly a real pair of cut-ups when they’re together; if you can’t tell that from their responses to Bullz-Eye’s questions at a recent press conference – particularly when they take advantage of the moderator’s request that they identify themselves before answering a question – you’ll definitely know when you check out “Monk” on July 7th.

The full transcript appears after the jump.

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Killing Uwe Boll: one step closer to sweet, sweet reality.

Tyler Durden’s wildest dreams just came true: Uwe Boll wants people to kick his ass.

Uwe Boll
“Ratner? Bay? Please. I am the hackiest McHacksterpants of them all.”

Here’s the deal: Boll is shooting yet another surefire videogame catastrophe — this time the victim is the game “Postal” — and Boll is asking his most vehement detractors to apply for the opportunity to put their money where their mouth is in the boxing ring. Five lucky hatas get ten rounds with Boll, which will be broadcast on the internet in their entirety, with some footage making it into the movie.

I can see it now: Pow! “That’s for ‘House of the Dead!'” Pow! “That’s for casting Tara Reid as a scientist, a fucking scientist!” Pow! “That’s for Ben Kingsley! Ben fucking Kingsley, tainted forever by your stink!”

Ashlee Sarah Michelle Simpson Gellar

ashlee smg

Okay, pop quiz: Two of these pictures are of Ashlee Simpson before and after her “alleged” plastic surgery. One of these pictures is of Sarah Michelle Gellar, aka our beloved Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Can you guess which is which?

All right, you probably guessed that the two pictures on the left are Ashlee, and the one on the right is Sarah. But you hesitated for just a moment, didn’t you?

Oh well: anything that distances Ashlee from her previous lip-synching-on-SNL look…and makes her look even less like her spotlight-whore sister Jessica…can’t be such a terrible thing, now, can it?

At least as long as that plastic continues to hold up over the years…

It’s all about the Benjamins

As the No Smoking cash kitty continues to grow, Jerry and Lou become more desperate for a much needed financial boost. It’s only a matter of time before someone takes the loot, but I have my reservations as to whether or not it will be one of these men. Jerry’s already taken a part-time gig at the local bar, so his cash flow problems are solved, and though Lou looks worse than ever, I can’t imagine the writers dragging this subplot out any longer than it need be.

And while Jerry and Lou deal with their unwelcome fate, Franco couldn’t be any luckier. He’s hooked up with the very sexy Alisha (Sarandon), and she’s probably got enough money to last them more than a lifetime. She’s also totally into Franco’s daughter, Keela, but I’m not so sure this is going to work out. They’re two very different people, and at the end of the day, that plays a big part in the relationship. Alisha has even gone so far as to treat Franco to a new watch, but upon discovering how much it’s worth (a couple thousand, according to Tommy), he promptly returns it.

Meanwhile, Tommy is having an absolute blast toying with Garrity about his secret girlfriend. It’s obvious that he knows by now (he even let Franco in on the joke), and by the look of next week’s episode, doesn’t really mind much. Garrity, on the other hand, is totally sweating his eventual face-off with Tommy, and makes a point of avoiding him at every possible chance. Of course, none of this is as even remotely jaw-dropping as the final scene of the episode: Probie coming home to his apartment to snuggle up on the couch and watch the basketball game with his male roomie. Yeah, it’s what you think.

Oh, and this week’s funniest moment of the week goes to John Scurti (Lou) for his talk with Probie about the book, “The Tao of Pooh”: “You’re taking life lessons from a semi-retarded bear. And it’s not even a real bear.”

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