That’s right: The star of “Less Than Zero,” “Chaplin,” and the upcoming “A Scanner Darkly” plans to write down everything he can remember about his drug-addled past.
The entire unabridged composition will be published on a bubble-gum wrapper by Bazooka Joe.
You can fool all of the people some of the time. Somehow, miraculously, Rebecca Corry fooled everyone involved with “Last Comic Standing.” But she couldn’t fool anyone when a real audience determined her fate. Hell, she certainly didn’t fool me at any point in the audition process. This woman is not a comedian, she is an imposter, and she thankfully went home last night.
Okay, will someone help me with the last step off my soapbox? Thanks.
With 8 contestants left, host Anthony Clark announced at the start of the show that there would be no immunity this time. That meant that douchebags like Adam Carolla couldn’t determine whether or not Rebecca Corry would hang around.
The event this time was a roasting at the Friar’s Club, and the comics all had to pick one person from among them that they wanted to roast. That turned out to be Gilbert Iglesias….the large Mexican dude who was an easy target and would no doubt have fun getting roasted. That was definitely the case, but during the event you could tell some of these comics are in a different class than some of the others. For instance, Chris Porter is clearly a favorite here and Michele Balan gained a ton of respect in recent weeks and last night. But Kristin Key was not funny at all, and Rebecca was, well, Rebecca.
Guest host Alonzo Boden, a former LCS champ, even jabbed at her: “Rebecca, you’re beautiful. And as a comic, you’re, well, beautiful.” Chris Porter won the event, and rightly so, and he is so funny he doesn’t even need immunity.
Then Gabriel wound up breaking show rules when he was caught communicating with his girlfriend via Blackberry. No no no, senor…… and adios amigo.
So now it was down to 7 and the three that competed at the end of the show were Rebecca, Kristin and Ty Barnett.
Rebecca went first and did her stomping, belching, snorting, jokeless routine. Then Kristin went…she was relatively funny, but still not a slam dunk to be the winner. Ty was last, and he was definitely funnier than Rebecca and Kristin. With the studio audience voting one final time before all of America takes over the voting next week, they voted Ty the winner and Rebecca and Kristin went home.
This all proves one thing. We all know what is funny, and don’t need old washed up comics or radio hosts telling us what they think we should think is funny.
So now it’s down to the final five: Michele, Chris, Ty, Josh Blue and Roz……all worthy of being there, setting up a very exciting battle of finalists. And Rebecca will be voting from her couch like the rest of us. Till then, Vandalay is OUT.
I’ve been patiently waiting for Denis Leary and Co. to unleash some classic “Rescue Me” this season, and I’m happy to say that tonight’s episode finally delivered the goods. It was nice to forget about all of the serious stuff for a moment – like Franco’s custody debacle and Lou’s mid-life crisis – and just enjoy what made the series so great in the first place. Take for instance the firehouse antics lining the first half of the show, including the street hockey game, the porno scuffle, and the whole subplot regarding Garrity “accidentally” taking four sleeping pills – though I’m not completely sold on the fact that Tommy wasn’t somehow involved in setting him up. This is great stuff. Has been, and always will be.
Anyways, these specific sleeping pills have been known to cause strange sleepwalking patterns for the user, and Garrity experiences the worst of it when he suddenly “awakens” and decides a night on the town is in order – including a quick five finger discount at the corner market and the pet store (hello, free rabbit) – where he acts more like a zombie than a regular person. And because he’s out cold when the alarm goes off, Garrity misses the biggest fire of the entire season; one that Lou and Franco nearly die in after getting trapped in a blazing room that Tommy has to axe his way through just to get to.
And speaking of our leading man, Tommy’s still got some things on his mind – namely the death of his son, Connor, which he’s still learning to cope with. Then again, he’s also got his big date with Marissa Tomei (her character’s name escapes me, and I could really care less), with who he rehearses with before leaving for dinner. Of course, the big plan is for the new couple to stir up the rumor mill with some juicy gossip that will “conveniently” reach Johnny and Janet, but instead, Sheila discovers their little secret and completely FREAKS OUT. Talk about your dependency issues; though I’m still pulling for Sheila (played by the beautiful Callie Thorn) to win over Tommy when everything is said and done. As for Johnny and Janet, we finally got to see a slice of their home life, but it’s not at all interesting (everyone’s a bit too happy, no?) and I can only hope that we’re not force-fed much more in the future. This doesn’t mean, however, that they should put an end to Tommy and Janet’s playful affair. That’s gonna make for some great television by the season’s end.
I’m not name-calling; I’m just repeating the title of Lindsay’s new book. Cribbing a page from the original Boy Toy, Lohan reportedly plans to release a book of sexy photos of herself.
“Narcissist” will presumably be published by Random House’s new Stating the Obvious imprint, which may also release follow-up tomes for Jessica Simpson (“Imbecile”) and Paris Hilton (“Floozy”).
Have you read about the guy from Canada who managed to barter his way from one red paper clip to full-fledged home ownership, with a little help from Arnie Becker?
Seems Montreal blogger Kyle MacDonald posted repeated trade offers on Craigslist, initially swapping the paper clip for a pen shaped like a fish, then trading the fish-pen for a ceramic knob, the knob for a camping stove, and so on…until he managed to interest none other than former “L.A. Law” star Corbin Bernsen in his story.
Bernsen had written a movie and planned to direct it himself, and, recognizing a PR gold mine when he saw it, offered MacDonald a paid speaking role in the film to use towards his goal. MacDonald was pleased, but uncertain as to what he could offer the former Arnie Becker that the actor would actually want…until he learned that Bernsen is the proud owner of a collection of over 6,500 snow globes, which he displays in his home as a quirky “pop art” installation.
Bingo.
MacDonald bartered an afternoon with Alice Cooper for a Kiss-themed snow globe (a sweetheart deal if ever there was one), traded the globe to Bernsen for the movie role, and then bartered the movie role to the small town of Kipling, Saskatchewan for his very own home.
Three questions come to mind after reading this story:
1. Does MacDonald actually want to live in Kipling, Saskatchewan (population: 1140 and dwindling)?
2. What do you think Coldwell Banker Mortgage will give me for a blue thumb tack?
3. What kind of deranged lunatic keeps 6,500 snow globes on display in his home?
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