“After the year that I’ve had and on the most important day of my life, you’d think she would ask me what I wanted, ya know? A nice blowjob perhaps, where I could just sit back for the first time in nine months and do nothing but admire the top of her head and pray that this fucking movie opens so I can stop selling off assets like we’re fucking Michael Jackson. All right? Now, I have to answer the fucking Batphone when it rings three fucking times and it’s fucking Vince!”
And so goes this week’s Ari moment, which may also rank as one of the finest rants in television history. It’s the “Aquaman” premiere weekend and everyone is thinking about the numbers. Ari hopes the movie rakes in $95 million over the weekend, but when Turtle throws out a prediction of $114,844,117, or one dollar more than the opening record held by “Spider-Man,” imaginations run wild. The guys check out the movie at a theater in the valley, and the massive crowd is into it right up until a blackout shuts everything down mere seconds before the best part of the movie. Bad news. Even worse, the entire area starts experiencing rolling blackouts, which sends the lofty projections into a tailspin and prompts the above quote from Ari after his wife scheduled an emergency session with a marriage counselor at the worst possible time.
Nothing to worry about, though, as it turns out the blackout affected the reporting of the numbers more than anything else. In fact, projections now have “Aquaman” pulling in $116 million, news that Ari delivers personally to Vinnie and the boys at a high school party straight out of “Almost Famous.” No surprises there, as we all pretty much figured the film would be a monster hit, but when I suggested last week that a far more interesting path would be to have “Aquaman” tank, I did so because I wasn’t sure how much potential the “blockbuster” storyline held. I mean, I love watching these guys party balls and now that Vinnie’s the biggest movie star on the planet, as Ari told his wife he’d be, even more good times await. But a story needs conflict, and having everyone live the high life for the rest of the season without anything of real consequence happening would get boring. And what about Ari? We only get to see him scrambling for a few episodes before he’s back on top? I don’t know that anyone’s ever pulled themselves up by their bootstraps that quickly.
I may very well be selling the “Entourage” writers short. Then again, judging by how neatly and conveniently they wrapped up the finale last season, maybe not. This is setting up to be a good season, but the question now is, where do we go from here? I’m guessing now that the craziness of the premiere has passed, we’ll start seeing more depth to the story. Everything so far has been about Vince, which is understandable since the biggest movie of his career is opening, but what’s going on with Turtle’s music rep career and Drama’s own acting career? And where the hell is Sloan? While everything in the “Entourage” world revolves around Vince and his career, this show has always been at its best when the focus is off Vince and everyone is involved. With only two episodes in the books, there’s obviously plenty of time to shift the focus this season. Let’s just hope that shift starts next week.
