They never stick the landing.
Oh, sure, they come up with some great last minute hook to lure you in to next season – killing Teri Bauer, poisoning David Palmer, faking Jack’s death – but the events leading up to that moment leave little to the imagination. Of course Jack’s going to stop the virus from spreading (though chopping off Chase’s arm was pretty cool). Of course CTU is going to stop the missile headed for L.A. And, this year, of course Jack is going to find a way to bug President I.M. Weasel and get that confession.
And yet, while it was imperative that Logan be taken down, I can’t help but think that they ignored nearly every other detail in the last two hours in the process. How did no one else from Logan’s security detail find Old Yeller and the First Lady of Crazy? Were we really supposed to believe Robocop wouldn’t have been able to tell that the pistol Jack gave him was empty? Heck, they taught us that in “In the Line of Fire” 13 years ago. Lastly, can you really break someone’s neck with your calves? Holy Xenia Onatopp.
The best line in the show came from a guest star who damn well better be a regular next year, Chloe’s ex-husband Morris. Chloe taps him to do some hi-tech gadgetry for Jack, and Chloe, in her typical personality disorder-driven style, says, “Can you do this without talking?” “I could do that, but it would be a terrible waste of my charm,” he counters. Oh, man, are they going to be fun to watch next year.
And speaking of next year: I am dying to know how the Chinese were able to abduct Jack right out from under the noses of government forces and have him on a Chinese tanker, seemingly miles offshore, in a matter of 10 minutes. Unless they moved like Hammy the squirrel at the end of “Over the Hedge,” that’s just not physically possible. Also, will the Overseers be returning? If not, they were an incredible waste of time. But most importantly, we never found out who it was that leaked Jack’s status and fingered the people responsible for it. Who knows, maybe that was the Overseers’ work, and maybe they were the ones that tipped off the Chinese on Bauer’s whereabouts. They damn well better be, since they dangled that ‘who sold us out’ subplot in front of us for half the day, and then swept it under the rug when it was no longer necessary. But I still want to know the answer to the question, dammit! (Take a drink)
I’d still like to see one of these seasons end with the bad guy winning. Maybe Logan has Big Dick Heller implicated for everything while Martha suffers an “accident” on her way to the funny farm. That would be a lot more interesting than an angry Russian President, discarded, followed by an angry English spy, discarded, then the former President’s brother, discarded. Worst of all was Kim Bauer, needlessly brought in, and just as quickly, discarded. I’m sure it’s incredibly difficult to graph these story lines out, and for the most part, they do an incredible job. But they have to start spending more time on resolving these temporary plot threads, rather than leaving them dangling like that. One of these days, the whole thing will just fall apart.
I’m sure I am forgetting something else. But after watching this and the series finale of “Alias” back to back, I’m all spyed out. Plus, I’ll have my hands full tonight trying to keep Buffybot from drowning those kittens during the “American Idol” finale. See you in January.
