ESPN columnist Bill Simmons, aka the Sports Guy, in trying to build a bridge to his non-sports-oriented wife, has come up with a whole new way for Hollywood gossipmongers like us to waste many precious minutes every day: the Us Weekly fantasy league. Do they honestly think this will increase magazine subscriptions?
The rules are simple:
“Here’s how it works: 10 teams, auction format, $200 cap, five male and five female celebs per roster. Scoring is head-to-head for 22 weeks, playoffs over the last three (so you can have two seasons per year). OK, let’s say you pay $55 for Lindsay Lohan. If she makes the cover of Us, you get 10 points (three for the inset photo). Every other Lohan picture inside is worth one. If she appears in the Fashion Police, you’re docked three. That’s it. Simple.
You can add or drop your celebs each Monday. Like maybe you want to dump Jake Gyllenhaal (because the whole Brokeback thing has played out) and grab Josh Hartnett (because he’s dating Scarlett Johansson). Then again, you might want to hang on to Gyllenhaal. He’s single and his number might be up in the Lohan deli line.”
Of course, as Us Weekly points out, “Gyllenhaal is not single and Lindsay Lohan is now getting her meat from Kate Moss’ ex Jamie Burke — which is why your wife will totally own you in this league. Brilliant idea. Game on.”
Sadly, no online site has yet taken it upon itself to actually facilitate the building of this league. If Us Weekly has any business acumen whatsoever, they’ll rectify that tout de suite.
