I knew that there were a couple big twists on the horizon, and leave it up to the writers to introduce, in the 19th hour, a whole new group of villains. Who are these people, besides Dr. Robert Romano? (“ER” fans, holla!) Whose interests do they represent, and how exactly is it that the President, the President, is appreciative of their kind, if faint, praise? What, are they Masons or something? Nah, can’t be. They have a black guy in their group. The Masons would never have let that happen.
First, let’s get to what will surely be Eli Cash’s “You Must Suspend Disbelief” moment: James Heller sending his car hurtling headlong into the black, Pacificy goodness. There are so many things that could have gone wrong with a stunt like that, it’s not even funny. Yes, Sydney Bristow survived a similar stunt on “Alias” years ago, but she was driving her car off a pier six feet off the ground and landed on her wheels, as opposed to flying off a gigantic mountainside and landing on her roof. And yet, despite the laundry list of things that could have gone wrong, I’m convinced that Heller is alive, for more reasons than you think.
Audrey Raines has an incredible reserve of inner strength, given the fact that she is supposed to be bleeding to death. Okay, so they explained that Robocop didn’t actually sever the artery that he said he severed, but would someone who isn’t battle trained and has never been interrogated really be strong enough to hold up like that? Dunno, but I was still glad to see the long-missing Curtis come in and save the day.
But I wasn’t nearly as glad about that as I was to see Karen Hayes come to her senses and warn Buchanan that the Feds were coming to collect Chloe, after she discovered that he was harboring her. Good for Miles for being the blindly loyal lapdog that surely would have made Chief of Staff in President I.M. Weasel’s administration (I reserve the right to give Logan a new nickname every week). But he’s letting his vendettas get in the way of what’s important, and it’s good to see Hayes realize that.
And then, we have the scene at the airport, where they apparently check the underneath of all service vehicles, but don’t bother with checking the roofs, which are, hello, much, much easier on which to find a good place to hide. As a result, we have a scene not unlike Bill Murray’s bank robbery in “Groundhog Day,” beautifully timed and completely preposterous. But hey, it gives us Sutherlands on a plane. And you know what Samuel Jackson would say if he knew that there were Sutherlands on a plane.
Meanwhile, Old Yeller was “reassigned,” in the middle of the night. Marty may indeed be nuts, but this looks fishy from every possible angle. Leaving his cell phone behind? And Logan still lets Marty go even though she’s extremely suspicious and tells I.M. Weasel that she hates him? Nope, an already paranoid President doesn’t make that mistake. He either locks her up, dopes her up, or kills her with a Russian weapon. That way, it can look like retaliation for the events earlier in the day.
So back to Big Dick Heller: I found his actions last week/hour highly suspicious, given the manner in which he ambushed Jack. Maybe he has more to hide than we thought. Perhaps Robert Romano and friends are answering to Heller? Perhaps he did jump out of the car out of sight of our view but not out of the view of Robocop’s men…and they’re okay with that? Too many possibilities, but one thing’s for sure: don’t ever assume that when you see someone die, they’re actually dead. After all, even Michael Vaughn, who was shot about 750 times, showed up on last week’s “Alias.”
And that reminds me: where the hell is Wayne Palmer? Buchanan took him in, right? We haven’t seen the guy since he got into Bill’s car. There’s no way he’s sleeping through this. So where is he? You can get away with that kind of misdirection for an hour, but not for two hours. Billy’s got some ‘splaining to do.
