Surely no true oenophile’s collection is complete without several bottles of wine plastered with images of an aging songstress arching her back in orgasmic dance-floor ecstasy. Never fear: Now you too can be the proud owner of this very same wine, for just $25-$40 a bottle!
Madonna’s wine is described as being “as complex and sophisticated as the artist herself,” and discriminating consumers may choose Cabernet Sauvignon, Pinot Grigio, or even UnWine, a “de-alcoholized red table wine.”
Wouldn’t that be, um, grape juice?
Maybe; maybe not. The site doesn’t specify. But grape juice or not, what UnWine definitely is, is a ridiculous clever marketing ploy. Current interstate alcohol shipping regulations only allow real wine to be shipped to 13 of the 50 states…but UnWine carries no such restrictions. So drink up, Florida! Raise a glass, Ohio! Party on, you other 35 unlucky states: Your UnWine is waiting, and no matter how much of it you drink, you’ll NEVER get hung over.
Ah, that Madonna: Always thinking about the little guy, bless her money-grubbing Kabbalah-worshipping soul. To order your own overpriced bottle of highly eroticized grape juice, click here.
