“The name is Simpson. Jessica Simpson.” No, she won’t be playing the famous 007 role, but America’s favorite ditzy divorcee is reportedly under consideration to play a Bond Girl in the next James Bond movie. This would put her in the company of cold-hearted killers played by Grace Jones, Michelle Yeoh, and Famke Janssen (whose thighs of steel dispatched death memorably in “Goldeneye”). Simpson should fit right in with this crew and win the role handily…provided that the only other actresses she’s auditioning against are Funshine Care Bear and Smurfette.
“I’m not a wife, but I play one on TV.” Nicole Richie has broken off her engagement to Adam Goldstein (aka DJ AM), but, thank heaven, will still get to experience the joys of married life. She and feuding sociopath heiress Paris Hilton–herself recently disengaged from Greek shipping heir Paris Latsis–will soon begin shooting the fourth season of “The Simple Life”, in which the blissfully ignorant celebrity socialites will take turns playing a “wife” and running a household, with the families involved deciding which Plasticine playgirl does a better job. Set your DVRs now: this is going to be quality television.
Colin Farrell treated for exhaustion and “dependency on prescription medication.” Details on the situation are scarce, but Farrell’s condition is entirely understandable. Single-handedly draining every Guinness keg and deflowering every virgin in the Western hemisphere is hard work, but Farrell should be commended for his dedication to his craft. Equally exhausting is sustaining a string of back-to-back-to-back films that fail to live up to expectations…but with “The New World” in theaters soon, after a series of delays, it looks as though his streak of mediocrity is safe. Rest well, young Irish scamp: you’ve earned it.
Lindsay Lohan disses Reege on live TV. Despite having scheduled valuable promotional time on “Live! With Regis & Kelly” last week, aspiring songstress Lindsay Lohan couldn’t be bothered to show up for her segment promoting the launch of her new CD — or to let anyone know she wouldn’t be there. The Strawberry Harlot apologized profusely later on, explaining that she had been delayed because she was busy banging Colin Farrell.
Gay cowboys make out like bandits in the Golden Globe nominations. “Brokeback Mountain,” a drama about two married cowboys who fall in love, earned 7 nods from the Hollywood Foreign Press Association, including Best Picture and Best Director, as well as Best Actor for Heath Ledger, who reportedly almost broke co-star Jake Gyllenhaal’s nose during one of their kissing scenes. We know we’ve already written about the Golden Globes. We just couldn’t pass up the opportunity to put “gay cowboys” and “make out like bandits” in the same sentence. We do realize that we are extremely juvenile in that regard.
