24 8.9: I’m not the man I used to be
All season, I’ve been looking forward to the episode where Dana Walsh kicks some felon dirtbag butt, just so I could name one of these entries “And if you don’t look now, then you’re gonna get Starbucked,” which is a lyric from a great little pop tune by the little-heard UK band Bond. Tonight, the moment finally came…and it was Buffy pulling the trigger. Damn. Worse, there is no video for “Starbucked” on YouTube. It clearly wasn’t meant to be.
Ah, but what a small price to pay to have this year’s most annoying subplot vanquished. Yes, Starbuck and Buffy will have some ‘splaining to do, but so what? I’m just glad the rednecks are gone.
Which gets us to this blog’s actual title. Man, they just don’t make those organized crime figures like they used to. Sark betrays father Wolfhausen by stealing the nuclear rods, and killing the two men charged with guarding them in order to do it, and then minutes later he agrees to bring the rods to the authorities. Granted, they portrayed Sark as more of a lover than a fighter from the beginning, but for God’s sake, man, do you have a cause or what? That’s just wishy-washy. Likewise, Jason Schwartzman is willing to knife one of his government’s security guards in the neck in order to escape and launch his insurrection, and have Sark killed in order to keep from having to pay for the rods, but using the rods against the Americans is suddenly a deal-breaker? Who did he think he was going to use them on?
“So tell me how this process works.” “Well, you lie down in front of the bus, and then we run you over with it. We may even back over your lifeless body and run it over again, just to be sure. Any questions?”
Personally, I just don’t think the writers thought this part through very well. They start with CTU picking up Jason Schwartzman’s voice on Sark’s cell phone, despite the phone not being on speaker and a good ten feet away from Schwartzman when he spoke. (They had to have a reason to confirm that it was really Schwartzman when he called later asking for help, I know, but ugh.) Then they have Schwartzman meet up with the people who helped him get this far, and only then does he realize that they are waaaaaaaay more committed to the cause than he is, to the point where they don’t care if their home country gets bombed back to the Stone Age in retaliation for the crimes they intend to put into motion. By my reasoning, that’s counter-productive to their ultimate goal, since their country wouldn’t really exist anymore. “You can’t turn us into an American-run police state!” “Oh, don’t worry, that’s not really much of an option anymore. We hope you find clean drinking water soon. ”
The big takeaway from this episode has to be that Bubba got the CTU gig because Chris Something Really Greek (real actor’s name, not his character’s) appointed him, and each of them understood that if they want to survive politically, they need to be willing to sacrifice the careers of anyone who does their bidding. Bubba obviously didn’t want to leave his comfy perch so soon, so he found Greek Boy’s suggestion agreeable. But now he has a much bigger problem; Bubba made a deal with Jack in order to keep Crazy Jackie out of trouble, and you just know that he’s going to try and weasel out of that later. I’m guessing this is the part where Chloe helps Jack set a trap, thus sending Bubba packing, proving Chloe’s worth and netting herself Starbuck’s spot as head analyst, since Starbuck will finish the season behind bars and Merv the Perv doesn’t have the career ambition to aspire to a spot like that. And this will pave the way for Jack and Jackie to walk into the proverbial sunset together like we thought they ultimately would a few episodes into last season.
Until, of course, Jackie is killed. And you know that is going to happen before the final clock tick. Especially now that Jack is luring her in as a life partner. Big Dick Heller once told Jack that he’s a curse, and he’s right. Jackie, of all people, should know this, but we’ll grant her a temporary pass because, well, she’s nuts. Having said that, she’s bar none my favorite character on the show at the moment, so I do not take her imminent death lightly. Still, bitch is going down. And I’ll pour out a 40 in her honor on the eve of her death for every year that I take a breath.
Even though I couldn’t use the Bond lyric as a title, here’s the tune, anyway. And here is the video for this week’s real title. Look closely, and you’ll see Sean “Puff Daddy Diddy” Combs. Seriously.
Posted in: 24, Actors, Actresses, TV, TV Action
Tags: 24, 24 blog, 24 Season 8, 24 season 8 episode 9, 24 Season Eight, Alro Glass, Annie Wersching, Bob Gunton, Brian Hastings, Cherry Jones, Chloe O'Brian, Chris Diamantopoulos, Cole Ortiz, Dana Walsh, Elisha Cuthbert, Ethan Kanin, Freddie Prinze Jr., Headlines, Jack Bauer, John Boyd, Katie Sackhoff, Kiefer Sutherland, Kim Bauer, Mary Lynn Rajskub, Mykelti Williamson, President Allison Taylor, Renee Walker, Rob Weiss
I agree, unfortunately — Jackie’s days are numbered now that she’s Jack’s girl. Although maybe she’s bad ass enough to fend off the curse?
I feel like we missed the boat on Sark. Every time I see him, he reminds me of Barney Stimson from “How I Met Your Mother.” And now, alas, he’s gone.
Schwartzman flipflopping does make a little sense. He may have intended the nuclear weapons to be weapons of deterents. I have them, piss me off, I use them, kind of thinking. Like he said, if they use them, the get smacked back.
YMSD Moment goes to…
– Chloe being unable to pinpoint the location of Sark’s phone even though the call lasts about five minutes (even over the commercial break) and long enough for Schwartzman & Co. to make it down from their sniper perch. Yet, Merv the Perv can locate Starbuck immediately “from her GPS on her phone.”
– The WH sending over someone from justice late at night when they could easily force Jackie to take the fall, like, tomorrow or the next day or the day after that. If you are so concerned about the mission’s success, why do you ask your CTU director to dick around with this when there are nuclear rods on the loose?
I’m not sure why Jack doesn’t just say that he witnessed Vladimir attack Jackie (maybe from the other room when he was being watched by one of Vlad’s men) and Vlad kept coming after her after the first four or five stabs, so she kept stabbing him. Anyway, Jackie said it was “too late” when Jack burst into the room so who knows what she told that lawyer.
Ugh. Some of these storylines are getting to me. Why does someone have to “take the fall” for the death of Vlad? Who cares? He was a thug. Through him, they found the rods, right? They also did not react fast enough to get them, as someone said above, how long does it take to trace Schwartzman’s call? So explain to me why what Jackie did to Vlad hurt the mission at all?
A small point of contention, I don’t think we are done with Redneck #1, based on next week’s highlights. It appears Mr. Buffy and Starbuck are arguing about taking him to the hospital. Again, ugh. Glad that Mr. Buffy got his hands dirty a little, let’s see how they cover this pile of steaming manure up.
Frankly, this season has a lot of scenarios that You Must Suspend Disbelief. Starbuck being threatened by an old beau, wouldn’t 99% of the population have the discussion in the car with your fiance BEFORE committing a felony? Or just call a cop? A middle eastern President overreacting to an attempt on his life? Oh you really think so, doctor? Why can’t he be more American? What hogwash. Plus, the lack of scars, swelling, discoloration on both Jack and Jackie, I mean come on. A woman gets punched in the face by a Russian mobster, there are a lot of possible outcomes, looking like you just had a facial is not one of them. And didn’t Jack get stabbed then tortured, at the spot of the stabbing? He is tough but come on. Ready to go out and run another operation? Unbelievable.
Man, the haters out there continue to spew venom…
Must be the rednecks were too stoned/drunk to see the SUV headlights in the direction of the van to notice it during Starbucks’ story of her jaded past.
That is my gripe as you before me complained enough about the rest of the episode… Ha..you must suspend disbelief… and try to enjoy the ride. Still a better season than 2(I think as I type) seasons ago with Papa Bauer and the rest of the fam…
Bubba’s forward tilt reminds me of the downhill skiers at the Olympics. I had to laugh a couple of times when he started walking this week.
Giantgary, I think the argument was Mr. Buffy getting Starbuck to move it in getting rid of the redneck bodies. The stab wound appeared fatal, unlike Jack’s in approximately the same spot…
I love 24 like someone loves a frustrating friend who isn’t making the most of his life. It could be so much better, yet this is what we have.
Great analogy JP. I feel that way somewhat too, yet realize that most great shows flame out over time. I guess for me 24 is in it’s twilight years so I am trying to enjoy it while I still can…
Agreed, though I’ve felt this way about “24″ the entire series run. I enjoy the intensity and the characters, but there are always a few plot holes (big or small) that are generally indicative of lazy or inattentive writing. They need someone on staff that asks questions like — why can’t they pinpoint a cell phone location after five minutes? or why is the WH so determined to have Jackie take the fall TONIGHT instead of tomorrow or the next day?
I see and agree with the point, JP. Perhaps the pressure of cramming so much in to the 24 hour concept and all the twists and turns this show takes to get to the end of the day is just too much to catch these things that make us say, “Hey, wait a minute! Why can’t…” I would hope that the issue is being inattentive due to the time constraint spent writing and rewriting rather than laziness. I can’t expect near perfection as there is so much crap out there that I do not watch anymore.
I guess that those of us who have been watching for years have expectations that have become unreasonable. Carrying on over a dozen different plotlines (I counted) and incorporating so many characters (allowing the proper character development) has got to be a nightmare for the 24 writers. So expecting fresh scripts that entertain us hardcore 24 fans may be too much to ask.
Shows have lives of their own, as they change from year to year, it would be natural to expect that their viewership would change as well. But not with 24, the loyalists will be here, blogging away, disappointed that the new 24 is not like the old 24.
Despite that, I will still watch. They haven’t lost me yet.
To me, “24″ has always been entertaining television, but it’s never been quality television. I don’t remember a season that wasn’t full of plot holes or a crapload of YMSD moments. Some viewers complain about one season or another, but they’re all about the same to me. Jack Bauer became a caricature of himself very quickly.
I don’t know if it’s the real-time format, or the writing staff, or whatever, but “24″ simply isn’t realistic. Shows like “The Shield” and “The Wire,” and even sci-fi like “Battlestar Galactica” are more realistic than this.
If you want homeland security-style television that has a realistic feel, check out Showtime’s “Sleeper Cell.” I believe the two seasons are out on DVD now. Stellar.
Maybe the reason why 24 overall seems to bother me less than others is that I haven’t considered it to be realistic. There are realistic elements, but cramming so much story for so many characters in the short time frame real time format has made it escapist television.
Jack may now be a caricature of himself, but he is still fun to watch. And so for now I will.