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“Life is precious. And God. And the Bible.”

Not that we needed any further proof that winning the title of Miss Teen USA is more to do with looks than smarts, but Lord knows South Carolina’s 2007 representative in the pageant confirmed that, if there had been a battle of the brains, she would’ve been entering the fray empty-handed…

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Bullz-Eye’s 2007 Fall TV Preview

I’d just like to begin by stating for the record that, in Bullz-Eye’s 2006 Fall TV Preview, I made the following statement about “Heroes”:

“The premise is fantastic, and the gradual unfolding of the various stories will keep viewers coming back week after week. This is gonna be the water-cooler show of the season.”

That’s right. I’m Nostradamus.

And, like that famous French forecaster of the future, I get at least as many wrong as I get right, like, for instance, these:

1. Ugly Betty: “Expect fans of the original show to be horrified at this poor translation. In fact, it’s hard to imagine that anyone other than girls on the cusp of pubescence or desperately single women in their 20s and 30s will be able to stand this for even 30 minutes. Oh, and did I mention that it’s an hour long?”
2. Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip: “Best cast on television, hands down… and to have their dialogue written by someone who’s arguably one of the best scribes in the medium? I’m sold. And America will be, too.”
3. Twenty Good Years: “‘Arrested Development’ proved that (Jeffrey) Tambor doesn’t draw the ratings, but Lithgow does. It might not be a huge hit, but count on it doing well enough to stick around for a few seasons.”

Oh, well. At least I was right about “Happy Hour.”

This year’s crop is another blend that’s heavy on drama, light on comedy, and thankfully light on reality shows – well, unless you’re Fox, that is – but, as ever, we must provide the following caveat to the feature that follows:

What we’re offering are our impressions and opinions of what are essentially “rough drafts” of the season’s new shows. Mind you, most aren’t very rough at all — indeed, some may actually look identical when they make their official network premieres — but, nonetheless, it’s not unheard of for producers to retool and recast their shows between the filming of the original pilot and the actual premiere of the series. Actually, this year, it’s closer to the rule than the exception, but we’ll get to that in a moment.

Basically, the moral is this: use our descriptions as an approximation of what will end up on the air, not as The Gospel According to Bullz-Eye.

And now that that’s out of the way, let’s warm up the set and head over to the homepage for Bullz-Eye’s Fall TV Preview.

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Jerry O’Connell, used car salesman

In a recent issue of Stuff (yes, I read Stuff, but in my defense, my subscription was free), Jerry O’Connell describes his new sitcom, “Carpoolers.”

“I have to hand it to Bruce McCulloch, the writer – who was one of the cocreators of ‘The Kids in the Hall’ – because it’s really funny. It’s four dudes who take the carpool lane every day, and they think they’re a lot cooler than they are. It’s basically ‘The Office’ meets ‘Arrested Development.’”

“‘The Office’ meets ‘Arrested Development’”? So you’re saying that your new sitcom is a combination of what are arguably the two greatest sitcoms of the decade? There’s a fine line between selling and overselling, Jerry, and you’re about a mile from it.

Still, a guy’s gotta do what a guy’s gotta do, right?

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Hogan’s son released from hospital

In other hospitalized celebs news, Hulk Hogan’s son, Nick Bollea was released from the hospital today after having been in a car wreck that left his 22 year old friend critically injured. Substances were apparently not the cause of the wreck (for now it looks like it was simply speeding), but an invesigation into the cause is still underway.

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Owen Wilson hospitalized

For what, exactly, no one knows just yet. But a 911 call was made for the actor yesterday, and he was soon on his way to the hospital. The 38 year old is set to appear in Wes Anderson’s latest project, “The Darjeeling Limited.”

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Cannes we come along too?

It’s official: the “Entourage” we all know and love is back.

You know, I had a feeling that particular comment was going to come back and bite me on the ass. After all, when was the last time during this season two solid episodes aired back-to-back? I’ll give you a hint: never. Then again, that means next week’s season finale will be awesome, right? Let’s hope so, because tonight’s show was void of any real story, character development and, believe it or not, laughs. Even the “bad” episodes have featured some sort of crazy Drama/Turtle subplot, but this week, all they really did was follow Vince around the airport and profile potential terrorists.

You heard me right. Seems LAX is on red alert after rumors of a possible terrorist attack ground all the planes and, eventually, shut down the entire airport. This leaves the “Medellin” boys in quite the predicament, since their film is scheduled to open in Cannes in less than 48 hours. Ari manages to talk his way onto Sydney Pollack’s private jet, but when they arrive at the airport to discover his plane only has five seats available (when they need six), Vince declines. Luckily enough, Kayne West shows up not a minute later, and though I’m still pondering how Turtle could possibly have known the famous rap producer without the other guys knowing it, he manages to convince him to make a small detour and drop them off in France.

Meanwhile, Eric is in a predicament all his own. It seems Billy Walsh really wants his new client (Anna Faris) for the female lead in his upcoming film, but Eric doesn’t exactly like the latest script. Anna, meanwhile, doesn’t even understand the damn thing, but since he’s Vince’s manager first, and Vince wants her for the role, Eric convinces her to do it. That is, of course, until Anna admits that she thinks he’s cute, and Eric follows that up by telling her the truth. As a result, Vince loses his co-star and Eric loses his client. Kinda sucks, really, since Anna was the only fresh thing about the last few episodes of the show. Oh well, I guess we can’t expect a big star to stick around for too long, but we can expect the writers to get on top of their game and crank out a good story. Perhaps that super-sized third season really did a number on those guys. Here’s hoping a good vacation will change that.

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Thor is coming to the big screen

Far be it from me to not really be excited about it because he was never one of my favorite comic book characters, but Thor will soon be making his way to the silver screen. The movie will be directed by Matthew Vaughn, and everyone from Vincent D’Onofrio to Matthew McConaughey has been mentioned to play the lead. Actually, I’d be curious to see it if Vince was indeed going to be Thor, but it’s highly doubtful that will come to pass.

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Timberlake teams up with Myers

Justin Timberlake continues his movie career, as he signed on to play a Los Angeles Kings hockey player in Mike Myers’ latest original creation, “The Love Guru.” Also starring will be the always tasty Jessica Alba and Myers’ old partner in crime Verne Troyer. Will it be as big a smash as any of the Austin Powers flicks? The gut instinct sez “yes!”

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Singleton kills jaywalker

Director John Singleton, who was behind the cameras of films such as “Boyz N The Hood” and “Poetic Justic” killed a jaywalker with his SUV after the victim stepped in front of it. Singleton stopped immediately and identified himself and was not under the influence of any substances. The victim, Constance Russell, was 57 years old and was pronounced dead Friday morning.

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As much as I hate downloading TV shows from iTunes…

…they’re reeeeeeeally tempting me with this one, which isn’t available on DVD:

“Logan’s Run: The TV Series.”

I totally remember watching this when I was a kid, and I know in my heart of hearts that it won’t hold up…but, dammit, I really, really want to see it!!!

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