Mike & Molly (Mon., Sept. 20 @ 9:30 PM, CBS)

* The competition: “Dancing with the Stars” (ABC), “The Event” (NBC), “Lonestar” (Fox), “Gossip Girl” (The CW)

Starring: Billy Gardell, Melissa McCarthy, Reno Wilson, Katy Mixon, Nyambi Nyambi, Swoosie Kurtz

Producers: Chuck Lorre and Mark Roberts (“Two and a Half Men,” “The Big Bang Theory”)

Network’s Description: a comedy about a working class Chicago couple who find love at an Overeaters Anonymous meeting. Officer Mike Biggs is a good-hearted cop who sincerely wants to lose weight. Mike’s partner, Officer Carl McMillan, is a thin, fast-talking wise-guy who, despite his teasing, encourages Mike on his road to slimness and romance. While speaking at an O.A. meeting, Mike meets Molly Flynn, an instantly likeable fourth-grade teacher with a good sense of humor about her curves. For Molly, focusing on smart choices isn’t easy while living with her sexy older sister, Victoria, and their mother, Joyce, both of whom flaunt their effortless figures while indulging their healthy appetites right in front of her. Mike also faces temptation at the diner he and Carl frequent, where they’ve become friends with a Senegalese waiter, Samuel, to whom dieting is a foreign concept. Mike and Molly found each other in the most unexpected of places. Now, they’re about to find out where their quest for companionship will take them.

The Buzz: Even the people who hate the show’s abundance of fat jokes…I’m one of them, and I’m pretty sure I’d still be one of them even if I wasn’t overweight…aren’t arguing with the odds of a Chuck Lorre show becoming a success, especially not on the night of the week that’s spawned his biggest hits.

Pilot Highlight: when Mike speaks to Molly’s class and reveals the origins of his career in law enforcement…or, really, anytime Mike and Molly are together. They’re a ridiculously cute couple.

Bottom Line: If the writers don’t put the show on a low-fat-jokes diet immediately – there are, no weight pun intended, a ton of them – in favor of embracing the great chemistry between Gardell and McCarthy, viewers’ romance with the show will be short-lived, but Lorre’s track record is such that we’re willing to give him the benefit of the doubt that he’ll get “Mike & Molly” into shape sooner than later.

Hawaii Five-0 (Mon., Sept. 20 @ 10:00 PM, CBS)

* The competition: “Castle” (ABC), “Chase” (NBC)

Starring: Alex O’Loughlin, Scott Caan, Daniel Dae Kim, Grace Park, Karyn Manning

Producers: Peter Lenkov (“24,” “CSI: NY”), Alex Kurtzman and Robert Orci (“Alias,” “Fringe”)

Network’s Description: a contemporary take on the classic series about a new elite federalized task force whose mission is to wipe out the crime that washes up on the Islands’ sun-drenched beaches. Detective Steve McGarrett, a decorated Naval officer-turned-cop, returns to Oahu to investigate his father’s murder and stays after Hawaii’s Governor persuades him to head up the new team: his rules, her backing, no red tape and full blanket authority to hunt down the biggest “game” in town. Joining McGarrett is Detective Danny “Danno” Williams, a newly relocated ex-New Jersey cop – a working man in paradise who prefers skyscrapers to the coastline – but who’s committed to keeping the Islands safe for his 8-year-old daughter; and Chin Ho Kelly, an ex-Honolulu Police Detective, and former protégé of McGarrett’s father, wrongly accused of corruption and relegated to a federal security patrol. Chin’s cousin, Kono, is a beautiful and fearless native, fresh out of the academy and eager to establish herself among the department’s elite. McGarrett, repairing his relationship with his estranged sister Mary Ann, vows to bring closure to their father’s case, while the state’s brash new FIVE-0 unit, who may spar and jest among themselves, is determined to eliminate the seedy elements from the 50th state.

The Buzz: If it’s not the strongest of the season, it’s pretty close. CBS is waging a seriously impressive tightrope-walk of an ad campaign, playing up as many of the familiar elements as possible – you’d better believe the theme song remains the same – while also underlining that this is a modernized reboot rather than a continuation of the old show. And how about that cast, huh? Well, I suppose you’ve got to have pretty people to fit in with the gorgeous landscape…

Pilot Highlight: The opening sequence sets up the series – and McGarrett’s tortured past – in seriously kick-ass fashion, confirming that this is not your (grand)parent’s “Hawaii Five-0,” but the more sentimental viewers will giggle with glee when McGarrett finally gets to deliver his signature line, “Book him, Danno.”

Bottom Line: The combination of a familiar title, a solid ensemble, the beautiful backdrop, and O’Laughlin crossing his fingers and putting his faith in the power of the “third time’s the charm” rule should make this into a hit.

WEDNESDAY

The Defenders (Wed., Sept. 22 @ 9:00 PM, CBS)

* The competition: “The Whole Truth” (ABC), “Law & Order: Los Angeles” (NBC)

Starring: Jim Belushi, Jerry O’Connell, Jurnee Smollett, Tanya Fischer

Producers: Carol Mendelsohn (“CSI: NY”), Kevin Kennedy and Niels Mueller (“The Assassination of Richard Nixon”), Joe Gantz and Harry Gantz (“Taxicab Confessions”), Greg Walker (“Three Rivers,” “Without A Trace”)

Network’s Description: a drama about two colorful Las Vegas defense attorneys who go all-in when it comes to representing their clients. Nick and Pete are the local go-to guys with an eclectic client list who are still looking to hit their own jackpot. Leading the law firm of Morelli & Kaczmarek are Nick Morelli, an earnest, hard-charging attorney who represents his clients to the best of his ability, no matter how big or small the case; and his partner, Pete Kaczmarek, whose passion for the law is matched only by his love of fast cars, beautiful women and expensive clothes. Joining them in their growing law practice is new associate Lisa Tyler, an enthusiastic young attorney looking to put her exotic dancing days behind her; and their young assistant, Sophie, a spunky and sweet ingénue who is eager to please her bosses. While Lady Luck shines on their legal careers, the partners have their hands full when it comes to their personal lives. With Pete busy cruising the Vegas Strip for his latest romantic conquest, Nick is focused on repairing a fractured marriage to his estranged wife and remaining present in the life of their young son. No matter the offense, Nick and Pete aim to prove that when the stakes are high, they’re willing to bet the house on the clients they defend in Sin City.

The Buzz: Better than you might think, given Belushi’s critical street cred after eight years of “Life with Jim.” Combining the bright lights of Vegas with a we’ll-defend-anyone law firm and plugging two rather dissimilar actors into the project has, if nothing else, made critics curious about what the result might be.

Pilot Highlight: The look on Nick’s face as he strolls triumphantly away from questioning a witness. After so many years on that trifle of a sitcom, you have to wonder if we’re seeing a little bit of Belushi shining through, proudly reminding viewers that, yes, he actually is a pretty good dramatic actor.

Bottom Line: There’s a lot of potential, but with three shows involving the legal profession (or 2.5 if you don’t count the “Order” in “Law & Order: Los Angeles”), figuring out which one will win the ratings race in advance is – appropriately enough, given the setting – a total crap shoot.

THURSDAY

$#*! My Dad Says (Thurs., Sept. 23 @ 8:30 PM, CBS)

* The competition: “My Generation” (ABC), “Community” and “30 Rock” (NBC), “Bones” (Fox), “The Vampire Diaries” (The CW)

Starring: William Shatner, Jonathan Sadowski, Nicole Sullivan, Will Sasso

Producers: David Kohan and Max Mutchnick (“Will & Grace”)

Network’s Description: based on the popular Twitter feed by Justin Halpern, Ed Goodson is a forthright and opinionated dad who relishes expressing his unsolicited and often wildly politically incorrect observations to anyone within earshot. Nobody is safe from Ed’s rants, including his sons, Henry, a struggling writer-turned-unpaid blogger; and Vince, the meek half of a husband/wife real estate duo with domineering Kathleen. When Henry finds he can no longer afford to pay rent to Sam, his pretty roommate (and secret admirer), Ed reveals a soft spot and invites Henry to move in with him. Henry agrees, knowing that the verbal assault will not abate and now there will be no escape. Describing their father/son relationship is tricky, but Ed will easily come up with a few choice words.

The Buzz: Not good. Even the presence of The Shatman couldn’t keep the critics from complaining about how unfunny the pilot was. Many theorize that it’s because the funniest moments from the original Twitter feed can’t be reproduced on broadcast television, but the supporting cast needs some serious work, too. Granted, we haven’t seen Sadowski’s work yet – he was cast after the first pilot was filmed, and we haven’t seen the new version yet – but Nicole Sullivan has got to stop playing the character of Kathleen with her shrill knob turned up to 11.

Pilot Highlight: Oddly enough, it’s when Shatner’s playing it serious, realizing that his son really needs to talk. But insofar as the comedy goes, the highlight comes when Ed goes to the DMV, which is possibly why the actor who plays the clerk at the DMV, Tim Bagley, has been signed to appear in future episodes.

Bottom Line: On paper, you don’t get a much better comedic pairing than “The Big Bang Theory” and a sitcom starring the man who once played Captain James Tiberius Kirk, but this show can’t simply coast on Shatner being Shatner. At the moment, it’s sitting the spot marked Biggest Disappointment of the Season. It’d really suck $#*! if it has to stay there.

FRIDAY

Blue Bloods (Fri., Sept. 24 @ 10:00 PM, CBS)

* The competition: “20/20” (ABC), “Outlaw” (NBC)

Starring: Tom Selleck, Donnie Wahlberg, Bridget Moynahan, Will Estes, Len Cariou

Producers: Mitchell Burgess and Robin Green (“The Sopranos,” “Southland”), Fred Keller (“24,” “House”) Linda Gase (“Standoff,” “The District”) Leonard Goldberg (“T.J. Hooker”)

Network’s Description: a drama about a multi-generational family of cops dedicated to New York City law enforcement. Frank Reagan is the New York Chief of Police and heads both the police force and the Reagan brood. He runs his department as diplomatically as he runs his family, even when dealing with the politics that plagued his unapologetically bold father, Henry, during his stint as Chief. A source of pride and concern for Frank is his eldest son Danny, a seasoned detective, family man, and Iraqi War vet who on occasion uses dubious tactics to solve cases. The sole Reagan woman in the family, Erin, is a N.Y. Assistant D.A. and newly single parent, who also serves as the legal compass for her siblings and father. Jamie is the youngest Reagan, fresh out of Harvard Law and the family’s “golden boy;” however, unable to deny the family tradition, Jamie decided to give up a lucrative future in law and is now a newly minted cop. Jamie’s life takes an abrupt turn when he’s asked to become part of a clandestine police investigation even his father knows nothing about, and one that could impact the family’s legacy.

The Buzz: The mere fact that Tom Selleck would deign to do another series – something he refused to do unless he could also continue to do regular “Jesse Stone” telefilms at his leisure – is enough to get an older audience excited. Granted, things started looking a little sketchy when executive producer Ken Sanzel, late of “Numb3rs,” departed from the staff, reportedly due to a disagreement with Selleck over the direction of the show, but now that Keller and Gase have been added to the mix, most folks are back to being optimistic about the series.

Pilot Highlight: As you’re watching, you may think it’s going to be when Danny uses some of the aforementioned “dubious tactics” to coerce a suspect into giving up crucial information, but there’s a twist at the end of the pilot – which is hinted at in the above description – that ups the intrigue level of the series in a big way.

Bottom Line: There’s a correlation between Selleck’s most devout fans and people who’ve given up on going out on Friday nights…and that includes me…but even if I did still go out drinking with the boys on a weekly basis, you could bet I’d be setting the TiVo. I’m reserving complete judgment ’til I see how things go with the new production team line-up, but right now “Blue Bloods” is sitting right behind “Lonestar” as one of my favorite new series of the season.

“The Big Bang Theory”: The show is moving to Thursdays. “Certainly, it was difficult, but not in the sense that you don’t have complete faith and belief in the show,” said Tassler. “The time felt right. The show is certainly enjoying an extraordinary amount of support and love, and this was a great opportunity for us to really move it into a strategic place and open the night.”

“Survivor”: The new season of the popular reality series will find the castaways divided into Young vs. Old. The members of the La Flor Tribe will all be aged 30 or younger, while those in the Espada Tribe will all be 40 or older.

“Undercover Boss”: Four of the companies which will appear in the show’s second season have been revealed: NASCAR, DirecTV, Chiquita Brands, Inc., and Great Wolf Resorts.

“CSI: Crime Scene Investigation”: Justin Bieber will be playing a character in the season premiere, playing a character that is “quite different from his wholesome real-life persona.”

“CSI: Miami” and “CSI: NY” timeslot changes: “Going into this season, we had very strong development, we really wanted to get a number of those new dramas on the air, and both ‘Miami’ and ‘New York’ are still strong players for us, so we said, ‘Look, we can use them to improve the time periods they’re going into, as well as support new shows that they’re launching side by side with.’”

“Criminal Minds: Suspect Behavior”: Janeane Garofalo has been added to the cast.

New gay characters: GLAAD will no doubt be pleased to hear that, according to Tassler, there are three on the horizon for the new season. “You’re going to meet Alicia’s brother in ‘The Good Wife,’ a gay character. We’re also going to be adding a new character to ‘Rules of Engagement.’ Jeff and Audrey’s surrogate will be a member of Jeff’s softball team, and she’s a lesbian. We’re also going to be recurring a character in ‘$#*! My Dad Says,’ the character Tim Bagley played.” I’m particularly happy to hear about that last one, mostly because the scenes between Bagley and William Shatner are arguably the funniest in the pilot.

After Tassler’s remarks and Q&A were completed, she evacuated the stage in order for the day’s show panels to begin, starting with…

“The Big Bang Theory”

At first glance, the fact that “The Big Bang Theory” is the only pre-existing CBS show to get its own panel on the network’s TCA day would lead one to deduce that it’s because it’s so popular. In reality, though, it’s much more likely that the series got the spotlight because they want to make sure it’s still a major player when it returns on Sept. 28th and shifts on the CBS schedule from Mondays to Thursdays. Ah, but who cares why they’re here? It’s just good to see the gang again. Johnny Galecki, Jim Parsons, Kaley Cuoco, Simon Helberg, and Kunal Nayyar were all in attendance, along with creators / executive producers Chuck Lorre and Bill Prady, and, as usual, they gave us some great, fun stuff.

Jim Parsons commented on his occasional difficulties in mastering the slight variations of his famous knock (which, for the record, was the idea of executive producer Lee Aronsohn), admitting, “It’s easy to get tripped up, and I have to do it a few times to figure out, ‘Well, where the hell is the rhythm of this new one?’”

Parsons and his co-stars also regaled the crowd with the story of filming the scene with Sheldon diving around in the ball pit.

“That was a blast,” said Parsons.

“Once they cleaned the balls, it was fun,” said Galecki. “They were filthy.”

“Every single one of those balls was Purell’d,” said Helberg.

“(Jim) came in from rehearsal from that,” said Cuoco, “and he’s looking at me, and I’m, like, ‘Have you showered today?’ It was like a film of black across his face.”

“It was awful,” admitted Parsons.

“Dirty balls,” Cuoco sighed.

“I washed my hands, and the sink was black water,” said Parsons. “Then I wiped my clean hands on a towel, and it would be damp, and I brushed it over my face, and there would be this swath of pink and gray.”

“And we had disinfectant spray for one another,” said Galecki.

“It was good for my hair, though,” said Parsons. “I realized that I need a drier product. I don’t need to use a gel or something.”

“Ball pits are kind of on the way out,” explained Prady. “They don’t really make them anymore. And we’re looking at the set, and we kept saying, ‘More balls!’ They said, ‘This is all the balls in Southern California!’”

“I think we emptied every bin at every Chuck E. Cheese’s in Los Angeles,” said Lorre.

Possible guest star in the new season: Steve Wozniak.
Definite guest star in the new season: Mayim Bialik.

When asked point blank if Sheldon would “finally get it on this season,” Parsons’ first reaction was to scoff and say, “Oh, come on.” Pressed to consider the possibility that he might get close, he admitted that he didn’t know but added, “I wouldn’t hold it past anybody at this point. I think I might’ve said ‘no’ for sure six months ago, but now…? I never thought we’d even stumble upon a female that communicated with, but we did that.”

“He’ll have a very specific relationship with Mayim Bialik,” said Lorre. “A unique relationship.”

Lorre’s dream guest star: Neil Gaiman.

“Neil deGrasse Tyson is a big fan, and he passed along a comment that he got on the Hayden Planetarium website, which was a suggestion as to how he might appear on the show,” said Prady. “He’s famous as the fellow who demoted Pluto from planet status…and, actually, that does sound kind of fun. There are some other things we want to do, but we’re just, at this point, talking to people, and it’s a matter of scheduling, so it’s a little too soon to talk about.”

Galecki and Cuoco are in agreement that the time was right for Leonard and Penny to break up.

“I thought it said natural to where they’re at in their lives right now,” said Galecki. “They have a whole lot to learn in the ways of love.”

“I think it was super realistic, actually,” said Cuoco. “I mean, relationships are up and down, and people get together, and they break up, and they’re not friends, and they’re friends. I mean, you know, this stuff happens all the time. So I think it actually was perfect timing…and you never know what’s going to happen with them.”

On a romance-related note, Melissa Rauch will be returning this season to reprise her role as Howard’s girlfriend, Bernadette.

Lorre admitted to being surprised when he got the news that the powers that be at CBS were moving the show to Thursday nights, but while not entirely thrilled with the move, he also doesn’t have a real problem with it, either.

“One assumes they’ve given it a lot of thought and that it’s a good thing for the show,” said Lorre. “Given where we are now after three seasons, I’d be crazy to argue with the choices that CBS has made along the way because it’s been…just look at this. This is wonderful. So if they think this is a good call, then that’s great. Our job is to make a good show. It’s not to program the show. You know, we grow the crops. We don’t have the truck that brings it to market. With the time slot moved to 8:00 on Thursday night, it’s almost like a re-launch of the show, establishing it. It feels like a do-over in a way, so we are really doing everything we can to make it everything we believe it should be.”

“Mike & Molly”

I don’t know if you’ve seen the previews for this new sitcom from the Chuck Lorre camp, but it’s about a man and a woman who cross paths at an Overeaters Anonymous meeting and fall for each other. Having seen the pilot, I’ll be the first to stand up and applaud the instant chemistry between the two leads, Melissa McCarthy and Billy Gardell, but, man, they’ve really got to cut back on the fat jokes. This should be a sitcom about a cute couple, with the weight class of the stars something that’s acknowledged but not constantly dwelled upon.

When someone suggested to Lorre that he might be tackling a politically incorrect subject with the series, he claimed otherwise.

“It’s about real people with real issues trying to have a relationship,” said Lorre. “Television would normally have cast Chris O’Donnell and Courteney Cox as the people who meet at Overeaters Anonymous, but in this case we had the courage and, I think, the wisdom to just cast people that are just…you know, they’re trying to make their lives better and find someone that they can love and be loved by. It may be odd for television, but I hope it’s reflective of some kind of reality that people will experience.”

“I think it’s good just to have something a little more realistic so people aren’t always, like, ‘Oh, I could never be that perfect,’” said McCarthy. “Guess what? No one is, except in this little set somewhere in Hollywood. I think anytime a show kind of bridges into the real world…I don’t know, I think it just takes the pressure off some people, so maybe subconsciously it will make people take it a little easy on themselves.”

When asked if he was comfortable with his weight or if he felt he should lose a few pounds for health reasons, Gardell couldn’t resist first mentioning that he actually has a better cholesterol level than his wife, who’s smaller than he is.

“Of course, I think I’d like to lose some weight,” he said. “I mean, everybody’d like to be a little bit better than they are, you know, but everybody has a different tick, man. Mine just happens to be pizza.”

When there was a moment’s silence from the audience, Gardell said, “It’s okay, you can laugh at that. I’ve got a mirror. Lighten up.”

Continuing, Gardell explained that wanting to lose weight doesn’t always make it easy to do so. “When you’re not great at coping with all your emotions, sometimes you push ’em down with a piece of cake. That’s just how it works. Some people do it with booze. Some people do it with gambling. Some people do it with other things, and that is a part of this. But make no mistake. This is a love story. And the great thing about this love story is, this is a show people can look at and go, ‘You know what? I’m like that,’ or ‘I look better than that,’ instead of looking at the show and going, ‘God, I’m never gonna look like that.’”

Gardell admitted that he’s had his troubles getting good parts in Hollywood because of his weight. “I don’t know how your experience has been,” he said to McCarthy, “but when you’re a fat guy in Hollywood, you’re the bad guy, the cop, or the neighbor. That’s what you’re doing. ‘Bring them to me!’ ‘You kids get out of here!’ ‘She’s going to kill us both!’ That’s what you’re doing. To be at this weight and this age in Hollywood and to be one of the leads of a show of this caliber, with this team…? I’m absolutely humbled. It’s like I got the Willy Wonka ticket, you know? ‘Run, Charlie! Run home as fast as you can!’ That’s how I feel. I can’t wait to go to work. This is unbelievable, and…I think it has a lot to do with my age, too. I’m 40. You know, if I’d have got this at 20, I wouldn’t have been able to handle this. I’m looking so forward to this. Man, I’ve been a road comic for 20 years. I’m not in a Holiday Inn this weekend. You understand? I’m excited.”

McCarthy agreed wholeheartedly with Gardell’s sentiments. “I’m thrilled,” she said. “I always think back to when I was 22 in New York, and I was somewhere between a size four and a size six, and she said, ‘First of all, you’re never going to work at that weight.’ I wish I remembered the agent’s name. I would love to call her in her studio right now and tell her, ‘Oh, yeah?’ I just feel like I got hit with the lucky stick.”

“The Talk”

Fair warning: I’m not going to spend a heck of a lot of time discussing this new CBS daytime talk show. I’ll admit that I’m intrigued by the blend of individuals they’ve selected to serve as the six (!) hosts of the show – Julie Chen, Leah Remini, Sara Gilbert, Sharon Osbourne, Holly Robinson Peete, and Marissa Jaret Winokur – but I can’t tell you that it’s something I’m chomping at the bit to watch, and I rather expect that the majority of Bullz-Eye’s predominantly-male readership will probably feel the same way.

The idea for the series – all of the hosts are mothers – came from Gilbert, who does double duty as one of the show’s executive producers. “I was a new mom when I thought of it,” she explained. “I was feeling overwhelmed. Was I giving the baby enough? Was I giving my son enough attention? And literally, I started going to this mom group, and I thought, ‘Wow, people need this kind of support,’ and it was just sort of like a light bulb. I thought, ‘What if there were a show where a bunch of women sat together and talked about the world through that perspective?’”

So there you go. That’s what the show is. I don’t know that anything else really needs to be said.

Oh, okay, one more thing: the most entertaining part of the panel came when someone asked the ladies to reveal the most annoying pet peeve they have about their significant other, so I’ll close by sharing their answers with you.

Marissa Jaret Winokur – “My husband is just a procrastinator. Basically, I’m the one who’s, like, ‘I want to buy the carpet. Let’s buy the carpet,’ and he’d rather sit around and go through 20 different stores and find the perfect carpet.”

Holly Robinson Peete – “He’s a really bad snorer. I mean, he just got really bad. I tried to put on one of those Breathe Right strips in his sleep. He doesn’t want to wear them. So picture me sort of straddled over him trying to press it down. And I ran out of his size, so I had to go to the kids and get the small size. I put one on each nostril, and it just didn’t work. You know, that’s something that we would be talking about if we were on the air this morning and the New York Times had a story about one in four couples are sleeping in separate bedrooms, and I’m not lying. Last night, I was thinking about, you know, it might be time. 15 years, I love the man, but we are on different schedules. I had to get up early this morning. He’s snoring. It doesn’t work for me. I think it’s by year 2015 the New York Times said something about 60 percent of houses are going to have double masters. I’m okay with this.”

Sharon Osbourne – “There is nothing. He’s perfect. Let me tell you something: he doesn’t even know I am doing this show. I am here today, and he thinks I’ve gone to ‘America’s Got Talent.’ He has no idea. He gives me all the freedom in the world that I want. He’s just a perfect partner for me. He does his thing. I do mine. We have the best family. We adore each other. You know, yeah, my husband snores. He farts. He pisses on the seat. On the toilet seat, that is. But, hey, that’s life. That’s what we all do. It doesn’t annoy me. It would annoy me if he was sleeping with a room full of women. That would annoy me. But if he throws food on the floor and he’s messy, it doesn’t bother me. So he’s perfect.”

Sara Gilbert – “Ali is much taller than I am. So if we get dressed, I just think that clothes always look better on her, and I think that that can be kind of annoying.”

Julie Chen – “When I got married, I said to my husband, ‘One of the reasons that I know this is going to work is because you’re the first person in my life who doesn’t annoy me,’ and when someone gets on my nerves, there’s very little turning back, if at all. But…my baby is ten months old, and my husband works very hard. Quite often he leaves in the morning when the baby is just waking up or is still sleeping, so he doesn’t have a lot of time to bond with the baby. We put the baby down hopefully by 7:00, and he doesn’t always make it home by 7:00, but when he does make it home, it doesn’t matter if we just put him down, he wants to go look at the baby. And to make sure that everything is okay, I’ll go with him, and if we can see him breathing, I’m like, ‘Okay, don’t touch him.’ And one day we went in…and he still does this now…and we could see the baby, he moved around, and he touched him. And I said, ‘What are you doing?’ And the baby woke up. I said, ‘What are you touching him for?’ He’s like, ‘That’s how we connect.’ I said, ‘You’re not connecting. You just woke him up. You pissed him off!’ But he has this thing. Even though I made him promise me, ‘If you see him breathing, don’t touch him,’ he still touches him!”

Leah Remini – “There’s so many things, but for me the most annoying thing would be that for every holiday or every birthday, I go, ‘What do you want?’ ‘Sex.’ ‘I have a headache.’ ‘What can I get you?’ ‘Sex.’ It’s like that’s all that’s on his mind. Everything that he does like on a daily basis that’s sweet is to have sex. And I guess that’s the most annoying thing to me. I guess I should be happy that my husband wants to have sex with me. But when you know that everything he does is because of that, you’re like, ‘Just stop. It’s not going to happen tonight. Just be you.'”

Hawaii Five-O

Although “Hawaii Five-O” is a reboot of the classic CBS series that ran for 12 seasons, neither Alex O’Loughlin nor Scott Caan – who play Steve McGarrett and Danny “Danno” Williams, respectively – have gone out of their way to revisit the original in order to get inspiration on how to play their parts.

“I purposely didn’t go back and look at too much of the old show,” said Caan. “I wanted to start fresh, and I didn’t want to have any old ideas, so, no, I didn’t do any of that.”

O’Loughlin remembers the old show from his childhood, but he’s extremely conscious of how far things have come since then.

“There’s been a lot of changes in television and in the way we act stylistically and with technology and with what we can do with the money that we have with special effects and stunts and all the rest of it,” said O’Loughlin. “So it’s not a remake. We’re not kind of picking up where they left off. It’s a reboot, and the characters are very different. My character, Steve McGarrett, in the old show, you didn’t know much about the character that Jack Lord played, whereas in the pilot on our new show, you learn a lot about my Steve McGarrett. I didn’t look to that to make decisions. I just did my character work based on the script that these guys wrote.”

As for the show’s chances of success, it’s clear that O’Loughlin is pretty well putting all of his remaining eggs in this basket.

“I don’t want to take anything away from the other shows I’ve done,” he said. “I’ve worked with some incredible people and some wonderful showrunners and…well, ‘Moonlight,’ I don’t know if I ever met the showrunners. There were about 17 of them. But the other shows were great in their own ways. The thing is, there’s a reason things either work or don’t work in television, and I don’t know what the answer is. I just sort of keep blundering along to the next thing and hoping. But the team behind this, the two men here who are at the helm of this show, Peter (Lenkov) and Alex (Kurtzman), and the writing staff that we have, everyone feels so capable. I read the pilot, I did the pilot, and I saw what they did with it, and…there’s something special about it. So, I mean, if this one doesn’t go, I’m completely bewildered. I have no idea how television works at all.”

The Defenders

First of all, if you’re old enough to remember the original “Defenders” series with E.G. Marshall and Robert Reed, I hate to disappoint you, but this “Defenders,” while also about a pair of attorneys, is in no way connected to it. Then again, maybe it isn’t a disappointment. I guess it really all depends on how you feel about Jim Belushi and Jerry O’Connell.

As it happens, the show was originally going to be a reality series based on a pair of real-life Las Vegas attorneys, but although it eventually evolved into a dramatic series, Belushi and O’Connell still ended up meeting with their real-world counterparts, Michael Cristalli and Marc Saggese, in order to get some insight into their characters.

“They’re great,” said Belushi. “We hang out with these guys. They were on the set the whole time. We went to Piero’s in Vegas and drank those big martinis. They can hold their liquor, these guys.”

“They’re fascinating,” said O’Connell. “And from a professional standpoint, they represent a lot of people that I’m not even sure public defenders would represent.”

“There was one case where a guy goes into a liquor store, holds up the liquor store, ‘Give me all your money,'” said Belushi. “The guy gives him all the money, and the guy says, ‘Now, give me that handle of vodka, that Johnnie Walker scotch, and that Jack Daniels.’ And the guy said, “Oh, sir, I’m sorry. I can’t give you the alcohol.’ And he said, ‘No, give me the alcohol. I want it.’ He says, ‘No, no. It’s obvious you’re underage.’ And the guy goes, ‘I am not underage.’ ‘No, sir, it’s obvious. I’ll get in a lot of trouble with the state. They’ll lose their license here.’ He goes, ‘I am not underage!’ And he pulls out his ID. I mean, they get some really stupid people…”

Despite being set in Vegas, much of “The Defenders” is actually filmed in California…not that the show’s stars are so terribly heartbroken about that.

“My relationship with Vegas has switched from being a person going to enjoy the weekend to an employee of Vegas: I have a band, and I do a lot of corporate work with my band in Vegas,” said Belushi. “It changes the whole chemistry of the town. So what I do is I go there, and I perform with my band and have a nice dinner and play roulette for 20 minutes and go home. I’m kind of a boring guy.”

“I used to go to Vegas with about 20 or 30 friends, and we’d share one hotel room,” said O’Connell. “There would be 30 of us sharing two single beds. So that’s how I remember Vegas, but now that I’m married, look, I go there with my wife. A lot of shopping is done. To be honest, my credit card maxed out the last time we went there. I had a call, and I’m glad it maxed out, because then the bleeding stopped at some point. But, really, for my wife and I, we left the kids with my parents when we worked up there for close to a week when we did ‘The Defenders’ thing. We saw shows. The dining is great. It’s just a really fun grownup experience…and I don’t have to share a room with 20 other male friends and get passed-out drunk.”

Blue Bloods

Tom Selleck certainly hasn’t been hurting for work over the past several years, what with the success of his “Jesse Stone” series of films for CBS, so it’s a little surprising to see him make the decision to settle into a regular series role. Given that he’s done so, however, it isn’t surprising to find that the resulting program – “Blue Bloods” – is a top-notch drama. Indeed, when asked what brought him back to series television, he admitted that there were two reasons: 1) the show was good, and 2) it was an ensemble piece that would require talented actors to fill the parts.

“Having done a lead, as I did in ‘Magnum, PI,’ I was in every shot,” said Selleck. “And I wasn’t complaining, but it’s a tough road. And ‘Magnum’ was never canceled: I kind of left it after eight years because I was tired from it, not tired of

Donnie Wahlberg, who co-stars as Selleck’s son in the series (it’s about a family filled with cops and law-enforcement types), was also impressed by the ensemble nature of the show, particularly during the family-dinner scene in the pilot episode.

“A lot of people try procedural shows – there are many successful procedurals – and some people try character-driven shows,” said Wahlberg. “And a lot of times when people try to do both, they don’t really work because there’s not a sort of a consistent element that ties the two together. I don’t know if it was by design, but the dinner scene (in the pilot) almost serves as that. It’s really a place where the work and the procedural stuff comes into the character stuff directly, and you see how everyone is connected. Tom plays the chief of police, and I play his son, who is a detective, and if I’m on a major case, he’s going to deal with it. So all the characters ultimately are intertwined somehow, so it makes it much easier. If one was a baseball player and one was a fireman and one was a doctor, it would be probably difficult to follow all the storylines. But we all work in the same thing. We all work within the law to uphold the law.”

By the way, if you’re wondering, Selleck’s role on “Blue Bloods” will not prevent him from making further “Jesse Stone” films…indeed, that was one thing he made sure to confirm before he ever took on the series…and if the reason you aren’t wondering is because you think those films are for old folks, well, Mr. Selleck would just like to point out that “Jesse Stone: No Remorse” is, as of this writing, #2 in video sales, behind only the “Clash of the Titans” remake.

“I don’t see any conflicts in the two guys because they’re so different,” said Selleck, “but it’s my job to make these two characters, I think, different enough where the audience enjoys both. I hope people want to keep watching him because I love playing that guy, enough to make sure I could do him if I took this role.”

$#*! My Dad Says

All hail the Shatman…if not necessarily his new series. Despite being based on a consistently hilarious Twitter feed by Justin Halpern, what we’ve seen of the show thus far – which is, to be fair, a pilot which has since had one of its characters recast and one of its major plotlines dropped – has in no way lived up to its source material. Still, it’s William Shatner, so I’m still going to give it a chance and see if it manages to get any better.

In regards to the changes that are taking place with the series, executive producer David Kohan said, “”You know, it really came down to a question of…we feel like we have a great concept and a great brand and a great star, and we just wanted it to be perfect. It just came down to the question of, ‘How do we make this as good as it can possibly be?’ The character (of Henry) isn’t going to be changing that much except inasmuch as that there this kind of alchemy that goes on. You cast an actor, and the role necessarily changes because the person inhabiting that character changes. And you end up writing to who that actor is to a certain degree, but the dynamic also changes.”

“We’re telling the same story, and all of the things that we thought were great about the pilot that we first shot will be in the second take,” said executive producer Max Mutchnick. “The same team is in place. Jim Burrows will be directing. And we just kind of…we’re streamlining the first paths of the pilot, and this love story that we had threaded into the first pilot, we’ve taken out because we saw that there was so much fun in just writing this buddy-buddy comedy. At least that’s the way Henry sees it. So that’s what we’re going for.”

For his part, Shatner seems beside himself with excitement about doing the show, even though he admits that he wasn’t familiar with the Twitter feed that inspires it when he got the pitch. Instead, it was the creative team behind the series that caught his eye. ” I was aware of the limitless talents that were attached to the whole thing, and the people that are connected with this show are the top-talented people in the business,” he said. “I didn’t want to do another series, but I wanted to be connected with these talented people.”

Shatner was also intrigued by the opportunity to play a part that is – relatively speaking – somewhat low-key. “I’m trying to get another dynamic as an actor and make a character that comes from a different place,” he said. “There’s a stillness, and yet there’s an anger, a passion, perhaps better than anger, that’s inside that we don’t yet know. We’re all fumbling for what this character is because the character emerges out of the writer’s imagination. Then I flesh that out, and exactly what the facets are will come about as we do it. And it won’t become known to any of us until several shows go by as to what exactly it is.”

In addition, Shatner admitted that he has been attempting to capture the warmth of Halpern’s father that, while often sometimes hard to find in the Tweets, is evident when one reads the book based on Halpern’s life and times with his father.
“To sustain a character like that over weeks to make it palatable so people will watch and learn to love the character even through his idiosyncrasies, you’ve got to be careful that you are not overbearing, overwhelming people. And so I’m sure that was a writing choice, although we never discussed it as specifically as we are now. But it was certainly an acting choice, realizing this isn’t just one moment. We are aiming at wanting all of you to listen in every week, to look in every week and see the evolution of this relationship between the sons and the father, and to condemn hardly all the time is unpalatable.”

The best moment of the panel came when the topic of the show’s title came into play. Mr. Shatner, it seems, is growing more than a little bit tired of the whole controversy.

“Do you know what I wish?” he asked. “I wish they would call it ‘Shit.’ What’s wrong with ‘Shit’? I’ve got grandchildren. I brought up three girls. They’ve all got kids. Okay? You say ‘boopy doo-doo, you’ve got to make poo-poo. Come on, make poo-poo in the toilet.’ Eventually, ‘poo-poo’ becomes ‘shit.’ ‘Go take a shit, and you’ll feel better.’ You say that to your kids. The word ‘shit’ is around us. It isn’t a terrible term. It’s a natural function. Why are we pussyfooting?”

And that, my friends, is why William Shatner is a legend.

The more time he spends with Scotty Lavin, the douchier he becomes – from impulse buying a Harley-Davidson, to bidding on (and winning) a dinosaur skull at auction for hundreds of thousands of dollars just so the female curator will sleep with him. I mean, is that really necessary anymore? I thought he was a big star. Whatever the excuse, Vince clearly doesn’t feel like he’s being treated like he should, and you could just tell that he was a little annoyed when he learned that his chance to work with producer Randall Wallace on an upcoming project may have been squandered because Ari wouldn’t return his calls. It couldn’t possibly be because a movie based on a fictional Stan Lee superhero called Airwalker sounds downright terrible. Oh wait, never mind, that’s exactly why. Fortunately, Eric finally decided that enough was enough and went over to Vince’s house to confront Scotty. Their little pushing contest probably didn’t help his cause, but at least he managed to (accidentally) destroy that stupid dinosaur skull in the process. What a fucking waste of money.

Meanwhile, Ari is still trying to make amends with his wife after she discovered him dancing around his office with Lizzie, and he’s not exactly making any headway. Ari definitely has a bit of dilemma when it comes to the sexy up-and-comer, because while he would love to make his wife happy by firing Lizzie, he knows that she’s too important to let go. So when Lizzie comes to Ari demanding that she be put in charge of the TV department while Andrew’s in rehab, he takes the neutral route by telling her that she’s not ready, hoping she’ll stick around and fight for the position instead of acting like a selfish brat. Instead, Lizzie quits, and Babs is pissed, fearing that they’ve made a huge mistake. And from the look on his face upon hearing the news, Ari doesn’t seem too pleased either – probably because Lizzie has the potential to steal several big clients from the agency if she walks.

Unfortunately, I just couldn’t get into the other guys’ stories this week, but that seems to be a recurring problem so far this season. Though I know that Drama’s search for a new show is going to pay off eventually, it’s taking way too long to get there. They’ve finally found the show in question – a sitcom about two brothers running a hotel in Maui that was specifically written for Drama by an Emmy-winning writer played by Jeff Garlin – but Drama’s not even sure he can do comedy. Eric and Phil tell him that he’s funny when he plays it straight, and though he seems to believe them, he’s still surprised to learn that the studio wants to cast someone better looking (namely, John Stamos) to play his brother. Like they said, funny when he plays it straight. Still, I thought it was great that Sloan knew to be coy when he asked her over the phone whether she thought John Stamos was actually more attractive than him. Her response said one thing, but her face said something completely different.

As for Turtle, well, he’s just not having the best of luck when it comes to women. After Jamie-Lynn broke things off to take a job in New Zealand, it looked like Turtle might bounce back with the launch of his new car service. But the business continues to lose money every month, and when he tries to convince his girls to take a pay cut, they all quit, citing that the only reason they stuck around was because of the flexible schedules. Then, Alex calls about her paycheck bouncing, and when she comes to pick up the cash at Turtle’s office, propositions him with a way to make money through her friend in Mexico. She swears it has nothing to do with drugs, but from the looks of the next week’s preview, it’s something even shadier. I don’t think that Turtle would get himself caught up in something like illegal immigration or human trafficking (“Entourage” just isn’t that dark), but it surely can’t be good if it involves Alex.

Speaking of which, where was Ari tonight? With the exception of a short scene with Vince and Turtle, Ari’s only other involvement in the episode was sending Eric a bunch of pizzas as a gift for starting his new job. Ari may still think of him as a pizza boy, but Eric really hit the ground running on his first day, and I think that he’s going to prove to be a bigger asset than he gets credit for. With the exception of Harvey and maybe Billy Walsh, just about everybody Eric has worked with in the past likes him (or at least respects his work ethic), and that includes Bob Saget, who Murray is desperately trying to sign. At the moment, Saget is being pursued by a fellow co-worker named Scotty Lavin (Scott Caan), but when he fails to close the deal, Eric tries to close it for him after he name drops the former “Full House” star in a meeting.

As it turns out, the only way Saget will sign with the company is if he can have sex in Murray’s office. When Eric informs Scott of the strange request, however, he thinks that he’s being played, so Eric takes it to Murray himself and, just like that, bags himself a new client. Murray certainly seemed impressed with Eric’s initiative, and even jokingly suggests he sign Christian Bale by letting him “execute a cinematographer if he wants.” I highly doubt Eric is quite at that level just yet, but once Scotty learns that he’s been beaten to the punch, it’s not going to bode well for Eric. Of course, this impending rivalry is exactly what the show needs, and I can’t wait to see what the writers have in store for Kevin Connelly, Scott Caan, or even Kate Mara, who’s been cast in the incredibly thankless role of Eric’s assistant. Surely they plan on giving her more to do in the future.

That’s all we had time for this week, however, as the rest of the episode was dedicated to Drama trying to make up for his violent outage. With his job in limbo (Lloyd calls to inform him that all his scenes have been cancelled for the day), Drama races to the studio lot only to discover that he’s been banned to even enter. He tries to apologize to his boss by phone, but he only eggs Drama on even more, resulting in yet another threat – this one strictly verbal. So, with no other choice, Drama bribes the security guard at the gate with sweets and literally begs for his job back.

As it turns out, Drama’s job was never really in danger to begin with (Ed Burns granted him a “stay of execution”), but Dan the studio exec decides he’s going to torture him anyways, and I can’t even begin to imagine what that means for poor Drama. There’s a pretty wide variety of things that could happen to him, but since this is “Entourage,” I’m placing my money on his character having some kind of sexual (read: gay) reawakening. If the writers really wanted to turn the story on its head, however, they’d have Drama dreading the new subplot, only to receive a surprise Emmy nomination for his performance. Hey, it’s “Entourage,” it could happen.