People like to put down movie critics for being cranky sourpusses, but the truth is most of us want to like the movies we see. “TRON: Legacy,” “Salt,” “Due Date“… I wanted those to be awesome. They weren’t.

Luckily for me, there were just over 10 movies that were awesome, which means I have enough for a list, yay! And here they are, along some movies that were most decidedly not awesome. Happy new year, everyone. Now let’s all close our eyes and pretend we don’t see the 3D. Maybe, that way, it will go away.

1. Black Swan
The beauty of Darren Aronofsky’s psychological thriller about a fragile ballet dancer is that there is rarely a point where you know whether you’ve swallowed the blue pill or the red pill. The mirror work alone demands repeat viewings, if you’re brave enough.

2. The Social Network
Where Jesse Eisenberg officially stops being ‘that guy who acts like Michael Cera’ and puts on a showstopping performance as the brilliant but socially inept Mark Zuckerberg. Rooney Mara, meanwhile, is on screen for about six minutes, but makes every second count. And she’s right about the Internet – everything’s written in ink.

3. Scott Pilgrim vs. the World
The most wildly entertaining movie I saw all year. From the dialogue to the editing to the on-screen sound effects, I had a stupid grin plastered to my face from start to finish. Even better to see Chris Evans and Brandon Routh poke fun at their superhero images. And I want to swim in Mary Elizabeth Winstead’s eyes.

4. Inception
There is a backlash growing against Christopher Nolan. I do not understand why. His movies are well-plotted, well-acted, smart and gorgeous. What’s not to love? Yes, “Inception” was chatty, but pardon the pun, it dared to dream, and I love movies that go for it. And so did a lot of other people, as its $290 million box office take will attest.

5. Toy Story 3
There isn’t a movie out this year that touches the last 10 minutes of “Toy Story 3” in terms of emotional impact. Terrifying one minute, heartbreaking the next, and armed with a bittersweet yet pitch-perfect ending. I still can’t make it through the ending, or even the beginning, without crying.

6. 127 Hours
When I originally heard about this movie, my first thought was, “It’s a real-life ‘Saw’ scenario. Who the hell wants to see that?” But Danny Boyle showed me by giving an unthinkable premise a surprising amount of humor and pathos, and James Franco stepped up big-time as the reckless adventurer Aron Ralston.

7. The King’s Speech
Don’t let the cast of characters fool you – this is no stuffy English period piece. And take it to the bank: Best Actor is Colin Firth’s Oscar to lose. Don’t be surprised if his co-star Geoffrey Rush walks away with one, too. Both are exceptional.

8. Exit Through the Gift Shop
It’s unclear whether a lick of it is true, but unlike the self-indulgent fake doc “I’m Still Here,” street artist Banksy spins his possible lies into something entertaining, a wild tale about how all revolutions ultimately get exploited, sometimes by their biggest supporters.

9. Kick-Ass
God help the Academy if Chloe Moretz isn’t nominated for Supporting Actress. She not only stole this movie, but her character Hit Girl was the #1 Halloween costume of the year.

10. The Secret in Their Eyes
Last year’s Oscar winner for Foreign Film, and deservedly so. Think “The Remains of the Day” in a ’70s Argentinean police district, with a jaw-dropping finale and a scene that would make Dirk Diggler blush.

Honorable Mentions

Easy A
When my daughter grows up, I hope she’s as awesome as Olive Pendergast.

Micmacs
Jean-Pierre Jeunet uses the power of a talented sound department to pull a monster con on the audience, but you won’t mind. Moral of the story: be nice to the little people. You just never know.

How to Train Your Dragon
Terrible title, very good movie. And good for DreamWorks for going against type and casting the roles based on who was the best voice for the part, as opposed to the who was most famous person available.

The Fighter
You know what, forget what I said about Geoffrey Rush possibly getting an Oscar. Christian Bale’s getting it instead.

Marwencol
The victim of a brutal attack – which leaves him with virtually no memory of his life before – seeks solace in building an imaginary town where his alter ego is a WWII hero and women love him. Uplifting and heartbreaking at the same time.

For the most part, listing these movies is like shooting fish in a barrel. But I’m not the type to list a bunch of more ambitious movies that underperformed just to make examples out of them. “Prince of Persia” may not have been good, but these movies were worse.

1. The Back-Up Plan
So bad it actually made me angry.

2. When in Rome
As a card-carrying member of the Kristen Bell fan club (well, not really, but I did like “Veronica Mars” a lot), watching her non-“Sarah Marshall” movies is just painful. She’s way too funny and smart to be doing swill like this…isn’t she?

3. I’m Still Here
Ha ha, very funny. You made the whole thing up. Fuck you, nobody’s impressed.

4. The Bounty Hunter
I think it’s finally safe for Angelina Jolie to send Jennifer Aniston that two-word text message she’s been sitting on since 2004: “I win.”

5. The Last Airbender
It’s easy to kick M. Night Shyamalan right now, but we still hold out hope that he’ll turn it around. Still, sweet Jesus, was this movie bad. When someone begins a speech to a room of people with “As you know…,” it’s time to pull the plug. And the 3D was the biggest scam of the year.

6. Remember Me
Spoiler alert: they used 9/11 as a twist. It might have meant something if I hadn’t been rooting for Edward Cullen’s character to die from the very beginning.

7. Leap Year
Sigh. I love Amy Adams, but ten bucks says she did this movie so she could hang out in Ireland for a few months. And to be fair, we would have done the movie too if we were in her position. As long as she knows it comes with a price.

8. Clash of the Titans
More bad 3D, with bad CGI to match.

9. The Virginity Hit
At the very least, this movie should serve as a warning to kids everywhere to be wary of doing anything that could go viral. Thank God YouTube didn’t exist when I was in high school. It’s hard enough going through it, but the thought of someone’s most embarrassing moments out there for the world to see for time immemorial is just cruel.

10. Grown-Ups
Much like “Leap Year,” if Columbia paid me millions to take a summer vacation with my best friends, I’d do the movie too, critical drubbing be damned. And now I’m critically drubbing it. Lame, lame, lame.

Didn’t see (thank God)…

The Human Centipede
Little Fockers
Gulliver’s Travels
Vampires Suck
Sex and the City 2
Eat Pray Love

How the hell did this make a billion dollars?

Alice in Wonderland
I love Tim Burton and Johnny Depp, but this movie is a mess. Off with their heads, indeed.

Better luck next year

CBS Studios
They released three movies this year, and none of them rated more than two stars, despite featuring some pretty big names (Harrison Ford, Dwayne Johnson, Billy Bob Thornton, Jennifer Lopez). Whoops.

Rabbit Hole
It’s about a couple dealing with the loss of their four-year-old son in a car accident. For the love of God, who would pay money to see that? Are there really that many unhappy people that it’s become a demographic? And do the filmmakers get satisfaction making art for unhappy people? Misery loves company, I suppose, but you can count me out.

Movie Quote of the Year

“You are probably going to be a very successful computer person. But you’re going to go through life thinking that girls don’t like you because you’re a nerd. And I want you to know, from the bottom of my heart, that that won’t be true. It’ll be because you’re an asshole.” – The Social Network

Runner-Up:
“Jews invented spark plugs to control global traffic.” – Four Lions

‘Snakes on a Plane’ Movie Title of the Year

Hot Tub Time Machine
Come on, was there any question?

1. “The Social Network”

It might sound a bit contrived to say that a movie can define an entire generation, but in the case of “The Social Network,” I honestly believe it. There have been plenty of films made about corporate empires built on ruined friendships, broken promises and massive egos, but never has one hit so close to home as the story of Mark Zuckerberg and the rise of Facebook. It’s not just a product of our time, but something that directly affects the everyday lives of people all around the world. Interesting stuff no matter how you spin it, but David Fincher takes what could have been a boring courtroom drama and turns it into a wildly entertaining character study filled with some of the zippiest and cleverest dialogue that Aaron Sorkin has ever written. There’s not a weak link in the cast – from major players like Andrew Garfield and Armie Hammer, to Rooney Mara’s brief (but important) appearance as one of Zuckerberg’s pre-Facebook girlfriends – but it’s Jesse Eisenberg’s star-making performance as the socially inept whiz-kid that makes “The Social Network” the year’s most enthralling film.

2. “Inception”

It’s hard not to be envious of a filmmaker like Christopher Nolan, because the guy is only 40 years old, hasn’t made a single bad movie yet, and doesn’t show any signs of slowing down. Though it might have seemed virtually impossible to outdo “The Dark Knight,” Nolan’s seventh feature is better in just about every way – from its incredibly complex and original mind trip of a story, to the stunning visual effects and outstanding ensemble cast. “Inception” is the kind of film that only gets better with each new viewing, and though everyone may have their own theory about the ending (you could ask just about anyone whether or not it fell and they would immediately know what you were talking about), the real delight is watching the journey that leads us there. There are so many memorable moments that it’s hard to keep track, but the last 40 minutes are particularly spellbinding as Nolan manages to juggle four different dream states without tripping once. Can we just give the man his Oscar already?

3. “Scott Pilgrim vs. the World”

Edgar Wright wasn’t exactly a household name prior to directing “Scott Pilgrim vs. the World,” but that will hopefully all change with this wildly ambitious action-comedy that pretty much rewrites the rules on comic book movies. It’s been said that mimicry is the highest form of flattery, and if that’s the case, then Bryan Lee O’Malley must be blushing, because the film adaptation of his six-volume comic series is not only incredibly faithful to the story, but its quirky humor and breakneck pacing as well. The ensemble cast is terrific (from a pitch-perfect Michael Cera in the title role, to bubbly newcomer Ellen Wong), the fight sequences are playfully unique, and you’d need a Rolodex just to keep track of all the clever pop culture references that are crammed into the script. It’s like dying and going to geek heaven.

4. “127 Hours”

Aron Ralston’s incredible story of survival may not exactly sound like the feel-good movie of the year, but despite all the attention that was placed on the dreaded amputation scene, there’s a really positive message coursing throughout the film. It’s not necessarily something you’ll notice the first time you watch it, either. In fact, while I was engrossed by Ralston’s perseverance during my first viewing (his know-it-all selfishness may have gotten him into the mess, but it’s also what got him out of it), it wasn’t until I saw it a second time that I truly appreciated how much the film is bursting with life. There aren’t too many actors that could have played Ralston without coming off as smug, but James Franco brings an Everyman quality to the role that wins you over immediately. And if he’s the heart and soul of the movie, then Danny Boyle is the brain, interweaving memories/daydreams/hallucinations of Ralston’s family and lost love as he tries to free himself from the boulder. This could have been a really dull film, but under Boyle’s direction, it’s an unforgettable, one-of-a-kind experience.

5. “The King’s Speech”

Even if historical dramas aren’t normally your cup of tea, “The King’s Speech” is worth seeing for the acting clinic that the cast puts on alone. Colin Firth commands the screen as the soon-to-be king who can hardly speak for himself, much less an entire nation, while Geoffrey Rush is the perfect complement as the whimsical speech therapist that helps him find his voice. It’s a story that a lot of directors could have easily ruined by spending too much time on politics and family drama, but Tom Hooper smartly focuses on the unlikely friendship between the two men instead, letting the natural comedy of their relationship dictate the tone of the film. Hooper may not be a particularly stylish director (although he definitely shows skill in the way that he frames his shots), but he never fails to get great performances from his actors, and sometimes, that’s all you need.

6. “Micmacs”

There’s no better place to watch a movie like “Micmacs” than in the historical Paramount Theatre in Austin, Texas with 1500 fellow cinephiles, so it’s no surprise that Jean-Pierre Jeunet’s comedy caper ended up being my favorite film at South by Southwest this past year. Though it doesn’t have the mainstream appeal of “Amelie,” “Micmacs” features just about everything you could want from one of Jeunet’s contemporary fairy tales, save for an appearance by the ineffably cute Audrey Tautou. But Dany Boon doesn’t disappoint in the lead role – a modern day Buster Keaton who can entertain with even the simplest pantomime – and Jeunet regulars like Dominique Pinon and Yolande Moreau highlight an excellent supporting cast. An “Ocean’s Eleven”-style revenge film that’s jam-packed with Jenuet’s quirky sensibilities, “Micmacs” is guaranteed to put a big, fat smile on your face. And if it doesn’t, then you probably don’t have a soul.

7. “Kick-Ass”

Just when it looked like the superhero genre was starting to get a little complacent, Matthew Vaughn gave it a swift kick in the pants with one of the funniest, most violent, and all-around entertaining films of the year. “Kick-Ass” may be fairly unconventional in terms of what audiences have come to expect from comic book movies, but it’s exactly what the genre needed. Though Vaughn’s version is more of a satire than the comic that serves as the blueprint to the film, it still maintains the same overall tone. Which is to say, there’s lots of gratuitous violence and cursing – a majority of which is doled out by the pint-sized Chloe Moretz in her most memorable role to date. Controversial? Perhaps, but that doesn’t make it any less fun. From the high-energy action sequences to the colorful cast, “Kick-Ass” is like “Spider-Man” by way of Tarantino. A movie geek fantasy made real.

8. “Exit Through the Gift Shop”

Documentaries are a tricky business, because it’s automatically assumed that everything you’re being told is 100% truth, even if a lot of times you’re only getting one side of the story. Since its premiere at Sundance, there’s been a lot of discussion about whether the events in “Exit Through the Gift Shop” are real or just an elaborate hoax devised by its director, renowned graffiti artist Banksy. It feels genuine for the most part, as it’s been cobbled together from years of footage, but a lot of people can’t bring themselves to believe any of it because of Banksy’s reputation for his art pranks. So is it real or not? The easy answer is that it doesn’t matter, because it’s entertaining either way. Whereas the truth about “I’m Still Here” may have ruined the illusion, “Exit Through the Gift Shop” is only more captivating because of it. That is, if it’s even an illusion at all. Perhaps Banksy’s biggest prank yet was in making us believe that it could be fake.

9. “Four Lions”

Depending on your sense of humor, “Four Lions” is either laugh-out-loud funny or extremely offensive. I believe the two go hand in hand, because it’s exactly the provocative nature of Christopher Morris’ directorial debut that makes it so gut-wrenchingly hilarious. You wouldn’t think that a movie about terrorists could even be funny, but Morris finds the humor in the situation in a way that has more to say about the current political climate than any self-important war movie. To call it a dark comedy is a bit of an understatement (one of the terrorists’ sons is so comfortable with the concept of jihad that his bedtime stories feature “The Lion King” characters as suicide bombers), but there are shades of tragicomedy as well, because despite their intentions, the terrorists are all likeable in a strange way. You’ll certainly feel guilty about it afterwards, but that’s kind of the point.

10. “The Ghost Writer”

It’s a shame that Roman Polanski’s latest film will probably be overlooked at this year’s Oscars, because it’s not only one of the best movies of his career, but at the time of its release, there was also speculation that it might be his last. A Hitchcockian thriller that features the type of ripped-from-the-headlines story that Polanski is partial to, “The Ghost Writer” is riveting from start to finish – a modern day detective story told with 1970s panache. All of the actors are at the top of their game. Ewan McGregor delivers yet another solid performance as the nameless ghostwriter, Olivia Williams is wonderfully low-key as the femme fatale, and Tom Wilkinson and Eli Wallach impress in cameo roles. It’s surprising that the film didn’t make a bigger splash than it did, because “The Ghost Writer” is the kind of movie that Hollywood needs a lot more of. Smart, stylish and entertaining.

“Toy Story 3”
“Catfish”
“The Kids Are All Right”
“The Fighter”
“Winter’s Bone”

1. “The Human Centipede”

Tom Six’s medical horror film is one of the worst movies that I’ve seen in a long time – and not because of its subject matter. In fact, while the actual explanation, creation and existence of the titular human centipede is pretty darn gross, it’s never as revolting as its reputation would suggest. The idea is a lot sicker than the execution, and that’s where “The Human Centipede” fails, because there’s not a whole lot to admire beyond the initial concept. The acting is horrible, the dialogue is even worse, and there’s not a single entertaining moment throughout. The big payoff, so to speak, happens at the midway mark, at which point the movie limps to its clichéd finale because it has nothing else to offer. Sometimes infamy is well deserved, but in the case of “The Human Centipede,” it’s a damn disgrace.

2. “Vampires Suck”

Every year, the latest spoof film from the hack duo of Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer always winds up pretty high on my worst-of list, so it shouldn’t come as much of a surprise to see “Vampires Suck” sitting in the number two spot. But to put into context just how bad these movies really are, consider this: “Vampires Suck” is their best film to date. Not only is it much more focused than past efforts – using the first two “Twilight” movies as its backbone, almost to the point of copyright infringement – but it might even make you giggle a few times thanks to the lead actors’ ridiculously spot-on impressions of Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson. Don’t get me wrong, the movie is an absolute mess, but that’s because Friedberg and Seltzer still haven’t learned that the easy joke isn’t always the funniest.

3. “The Back-Up Plan”

If there’s anything to learn from watching a movie like “The Back-Up Plan,” it’s how not to make a romantic comedy. There’s so much to hate about this film that I don’t even know where to start, but the thing that probably bugged me the most is the all-too-perfect lead characters. Not only are they both extremely attractive, but they run small, philanthropic businesses (an animal rescue store and an organic cheese shop, respectively) and yet still manage to make enough money to support a lavish lifestyle in New York City, as if that somehow makes them more relatable to the average moviegoer. But Jennifer Lopez and Alex O’Loughlin can hardly muster a spark of chemistry between the two of them, and that alone is enough to sink any rom-com from the start. Throw in some terrible stereotypes about pregnant women, an annoying single mothers support group, and an adorable, handicapped Boston terrier for the obligatory reaction shots, and you can begin to understand why so many critics detested this movie.

4. “Marmaduke”

I’m still not entirely convinced that “Marmaduke” wasn’t just some crazy bet between a pair of studio execs to prove that any film with talking animals can make a killing at the box office, but I do find some comfort in the fact that it was a colossal failure. It’s hard to believe that there was even a demand for a “Marmaduke” movie to begin with, because Brad Anderson’s long-running comic strip is remarkably dull. The film is insulting even to children – from the constant narration to dreadful puns like Cowabarka and Chupadogra – and it’s disappointing to see such a wealth of talent wasted on voicing talking dogs. At least they were smart enough to hide behind a microphone, because it’s absolutely embarrassing to watch William H. Macy act like a fool for an easy paycheck. Shame on you.

5. “When in Rome” / “You Again”

No one likes a tie, but Kristen Bell has had such a bad year that it only seemed polite to combine this pair of cinematic train wrecks into a single write-up. In fact, sitting through these films is certainly comparable to experiencing a real-life pile-up, as you don’t know whether to look away or keep watching out of a morbid curiosity that they might get worse. And more often than not, they do. Entire books have been written on the basics of screenwriting, and yet none of the writers responsible for these movies appear to have read a single word, instead creating weak premises built on conflicts that could easily be addressed if the characters stopped acting like children. You’d think that romantic comedies would be right up Kristen Bell’s alley – she’s cute, funny and instantly likeable – but if she ever hopes to make it as a leading lady, she’ll have to do better than this.

“I’m Still Here”
“Alice in Wonderland”
“Clash of the Titans”
“Remember Me”
“A Nightmare on Elm Street”

There really isn’t that much to add to the news that, as reported by Box Office’s Mojo’s weekly chart, “Alice in Wonderland” suffered only a reasonably modest fall-off of 46.6% from its mega-boffo opening weekend, which meant that the latest from the Disney, Tim Burton, and Johnny Depp marketing triumvirate earned a stellar estimated $62 million this weekend. Anne Thompson and her recently added resident box office guru, Anthony D’Alesandro, report that this is a record for a non-summertime second weekend for a film. It’s certainly not that different from the expectations I discussed on Thursday.

As for the newer releases, it was something of a rout. I  like D’Alessandro’s elegant description:

Four distribs attempted to counterprogram against the Disney title this weekend based on the misguided notion that Alice was strictly family fare.  However, rather than nipping away at Alice’s audience, Alice sliced off theirs.

“This is the quintessential four quadrant movie, playing to adults at one time of day, families at matinees as well as couples,” gloated Disney distribution president Chuck Viane.

In other words, it didn’t matter what age or gender you were this weekend, most likely your first choice was “Alice.” It also performed the rare feat of scoring both the biggest gross and, with the aid of those inflated 3-D ticket prices, the best per-screen average of $16,631.

Still, people did see other movies. The marketing for “Green Zone” fooled persuaded enough viewers that it was similar to the wildly successful “Bourne” pairings of star Matt Damon and director Paul Greengrass to earn an estimate of roughly $14.5 million. That might not have been so bad if “Green Zone” hadn’t cost an exorbitant reported $100 million. Conservatives, who have roundly bashed the film as anti-American, will no doubt be claiming victory over the terrorist-loving communists of Universal.

I didn’t quite have the guts to come right out and say it, but I sort of suspected that the raunchy-but-romantic comedy, “She’s Out of My League” was being overly downplayed in some of the prognostication last week and I was right, sort of. The film failed to break into double digits, but its estimated $9.6 million take was enough to put it in the #3 spot for the weekend anyway. Considering that’s just under half the film’s budget, newcomer star Jay Baruchel may not be the year’s break-out comedy star, but he will live to be the girl-friendly geek, a funnier David Schwimmer, if you will, for another day. Indeed, the film seemed to do best with younger women.

I did come right out and wonder why anyone would want to see “Our Family Wedding,” a film which THR‘s Jolly Carl DiOrio seemed to think would do significantly better than “League” — despite being in significantly fewer theaters and, if most critics are to be listened to at all, sucking. My antennae were apparently a bit better than usual and “Wedding,” did, in fact, come in below the other new releases, and the fourth week of “Shutter Island,” to hit the #6 spot with a lackluster $7.6 million estimate for Fox Searchlight. Hopefully, the budget was nice and low.  The good news is that that Rotten Tomatoes rating I linked to above has actually climbed dramatically since Thursday, from an embarrassing 4% to a merely bad 18%.

Doing a bit better, though still no doubt disappointing Summit Entertainment, was the romantic drama “Remember Me” from director Allen Coulter of “The Sopranos” and “Hollywoodland.” Just enough young girls remembered that Robert Pattinson was the “Twilight” heart-throb to make the weepy with the widely derided ending an estimated $8.3 million in the #4 spot. Considering the armies of teen-and-tween-aged girls in love with Pattinson, it’s a result that seems almost as pale as the dreamy young Brit’s vampire make-up.

The leading contender of those, however, appears to be the new movie from director Paul Greengrass and star Matt Damon, “Green Zone.” The publicity is doing everything it can to remind the audience that both of them worked on the last two Jason Bourne films. However, the film itself is a political thriller — never, I’m sorry to say, the strongest genre commercially. Oh, and it’s about the Iraq war, not a favorite topic of escape-seeking audiences, it appears. Indeed, the only thing worse commercially than a political thriller about an unpopular and still ongoing war is one with mediocre reviews.

Still, the Bourne connection, Damon’s appeal, and a bit of topicality may be good for something. About $14-16 million says Carl DiOrio, which may not be enough to support the film’s hefty price tag, he warns. Anne Thompson, also has some hints about what went might have gone wrong with the film. (Hint: Except perhaps on documentaries, it’s rarely a good thing when a director has to “find” the story in the editing room. It’s nice to have it in the screenplay, but I’m old fashioned that way.)

Like “Green Zone,” the primary commercial asset of “Remember Me” is its male lead. To a certain segment of the market, Robert Pattinson certainly kicks Damon’s box office keister, even if the “Twilight” pasty-factor is out of this picture. On the other hand, if a single unaccompanied male sees the weepy romantic/emotional drama which also features Emile de Raven and Pierce Brosnan, it’ll be a shock. Pretty much detested by David Medsker, this one didn’t exactly wow the mass of critics either. There’s also the matter of its ending, which has been leaked on the web and many find a kind of insult.

Under those circumstances, you might expect the seemingly Apatow-esque (but not Apatow-associated) guy-friendly romantic comedy, “She’s Out of My League” to do rather well. Like Apatow’s break-through film, “The 40 Year-Old Virgin,” it benefits from a premise, fully explained in the title, that plays to the kind of universal male insecurities that seem to make for commercial comedy gold. Still, though our own David Medsker found the film quite likable, the overall reviews are middling and the level of interest out in the world appears to be low.

So low is the interest in the comedy, in fact, that Carl DiOrio actually expects the abysmally reviewed comedy, “Our Family Wedding,” to make about $3 million more dollars than “League,” even though it’s in nearly thirteen hundred fewer theaters. Featuring actors who I’m sure deserve better, including Forest Whitaker, America Ferrera and Taye Diggs, as well as comedian Carlos Mencia (who absolutely does not deserve better), I’m not sure why people would want to see this. On the other hand, since when am I “people”?