Rob Zombie promised he would never make a sequel to his disastrously bad remake of John Carpenter’s “Halloween,” so why couldn’t he just keep his word? Zombie picks up the story where the last one left off, with Michael Myers (Tyler Mane) shot dead by his long-lost baby sister, Laurie Strode (Scout Taylor-Compton). Apparently, death didn’t suit him, because Myers somehow survives, and after two years wandering the great outdoors as a hobo, he returns to Haddonfield to finish the job. There’s really no explanation as to how Myers was able to walk away with no apparent injuries after a coroner pronounced him dead, but Zombie’s first film didn’t make a whole lot of sense either. In fact, Myers isn’t just invincible, he’s also a trained ninja who’s capable of walking around a creaky old house without making any noise. Either that or he’s received the power of teleportation from his ghost mommy (Sherri Moon Zombie), who appears in a series of dream sequences seemingly designed to allow Zombie’s wife to reprise her role. The whole charade is not only incredibly lame, but quite boring as well, especially now that Laurie is supposed to be this devil-may-care anarchist with her own psychological issues. She’s probably the most unlikeable lead protagonist to ever grace a horror film, but “Halloween II” is such a bloody mess that it’s the least of its problems.

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